#and I haven't bothered editing in ages

[coldzonkprofessorturtle]

Wan & Pleng (Affair the Series) | "Like You Do" by Yana

[solaestial]

russell pixel portrait and some different expressions i drew a few weeks ago for discord emotes

[2cool4ghoul]

I'm on Fire

Long time no see, eh?

sorry for my prolonged period of absence, I got shit going on!!!!

This is my first time writing for Joel Miller, I hope everyone enjoys, maybe it could be a two parter if people r feeling it! I haven't edited this because honestly who has time for that?

Summary: Reader asks for help with being taught hunting, gets stuck with Joel, who she thinks hates her, but we all know how that ends? Reader grew up in a cult situation where girls r taught they need to repopulate the earth after the outbreak and thinks sex is just for baby making, Joel wants to show her it could be more. I been listening to I'm on fire by bruce Springsteen and that song inspired this.

Warning: under 18 DNI! age gap not specified but allusion to it being gargantuan and ludicrously capacious, Smut, unprotected p in v (do I need to say it? WRAP IT), fingering, oral f receiving, slight daddy kink, doing it from behind, Joel is kinda mean, perv Joel, allusions to masturbation, innocence kink, religious imagery?, mentions of pregnancy, kinda public I guess, post outbreak, can be game Joel or Pedro Joel, any Joels a goal, no use of y/n, reader is female gendered, pussy pronouns, size kink if you squint, Praise kink, yearning, Joel feeling guilty and sorry for himself , boohoo, if I miss anything please tell me!!!! I love feedback!!

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You had been walking for hours.What was meant to be a simple hunt had now turned into aimlessly walking through the forest, staring at Joels back as he stalked in front of you. He refused to admit that he had gotten the two of you lost in the midst of chasing a rabbit, or a deer, or whatever it was he says he saw. When you did suggest heading a different direction, you were met with a sharp rejection, or a grunt telling you to keep your mouth shut. You knew he was angry before you’d even left, saddled with the burden of dragging you along with him. 

You didn’t particularly know Joel and you didn’t particularly like him either. His stand-offish demeanour and deep glare whenever you were around made you feel small in his presence. You had given up on the smiling and politeness that you gave everyone else in an attempt at self preservation, yet deep down you so badly wanted him to like you. You weren’t sure what you did and at what point you did it, but Joel made it very evident that he’d much rather be torn to shreds by infected, than teach you the basics of hunting. Which, with the sun becoming low and darkness threatening to spill over into the sky, you thought maybe he didn’t know the basics of hunting either. 

Frustrated, you huffed whilst adjusting your backpack on your shoulders, rolling your eyes slightly as he stopped to try and grasp any familiarities in your surroundings. “What’s got you all huffy and puffy?” He quipped, not even bothering to look over his shoulder at you.

“I am tired, Joel, we’ve been walking for hours now, I want to go home.” Sighing, your head fell back on your shoulders and he carried on walking.

“If I remember correctly, this was your bright idea, was it not?” His fists clenched at his side and you furrowed your brows.

“It was, when I thought I’d actually be able to learn something, I thought you were meant to be good at this-“

“I am good at this, you’re scaring ‘em all away, with your bitchin’ and moanin’” You’d obviously bruised his ego a bit there, yet the reaction you’d gotten was the most exciting thing that had happened all day. 

Well, that and being able to watch him closely whilst he furrowed his brow, focusing down the barrel of a gun. Laying on the ground next to him, so close that you could nearly smell the musk that seemed to radiate off of him. Yes, you didn’t particularly like him, but looking at him? You liked that very much. You liked the way his arms looked when he rolled up the sleeves of his flannels. The way he looked when he started the day, fresh out the shower with his greying hair slicked back and slightly damp. The way his voice was low when he was trying to teach you a lesson. The way he crossed his arms and rolled his eyes when you made a joke, a suggestion, or even just breathed. Seeing all of this things was enough to put a pit in your stomach, a pit that you’d been carrying around all day with little idea what to do about it. It ached and it throbbed. 

“Well maybe in your old age, your losing your touch.” You said it quiet, thinking that he wouldn��t hear you. But he did. He responded with a scoff, clenching his fists again. He wasn’t even going to dignify it with a insult back, his reaction alone was enough to make you feel insufficient. You both retreated to the silence and you kept yourself to your thoughts on how you were going to deal with the ache between your thighs.

______________________________________________________________

Night had fallen and Joel had still not managed to find your way home. Instead you’d found an old shack, barely together but good enough shelter to sleep for the night. Joel figured it was tomorrow’s problem, that and he couldn’t be bothered to listen to your complaints about how tired you were.

The dim glow of the campfire lamp created a yellow cast over Joels features and you couldn’t help but stare as he sat opposite you, eating a sandwich you’d given him earlier in an attempt to lift his spirits. His features were rough and frown lines had been permanently etched into his skin. This life had worn him down, toughed him up like leather. Maybe that was why he was mean to you. Maybe he’d ran clean out of kindness. His large hands made whatever he was holding look small, they were calloused and scarred across his knuckles. You didn’t want to imagine what things those hands had done. But you did want to imagine what they could do. Running over your skin, fingertips grazing your lips, leaving goosebumps and a shiver down your spine. Grabbing at your skin, creating bruises and marks, his fingers, thick and strong, spreading you open and filling you-

“The fuck are you lookin’ at?” Gruff and fed up, Joels voice snapped you right out of the darkest corners of your mind, your eyes widening slightly as you realised you had obviously been staring, eyes hazed over.

“I, uh, I was looking at my sandwich, I don’t think you deserve it.” Nice save, you praised your self internally and he raised an eyebrow, looking at you like you were some stupid insignificant thing.

“How come I don’t deserve it?” 

“We caught nothing today, you didn’t teach me shit.” You tried your best to mimic the facial expression he was pulling, hoping that just maybe you could make him feel how he did. 

“Hmm.” He grumbled after putting the last bite in his mouth. “’s'all gone now.” There was almost a smirk playing on his lips, his gaze making you squirm and squeeze your thighs together. What was happening to you? It felt like every fibre of your being was betraying you, begging for you to climb over to him and beg him to take you whatever way he wanted. “What’s the deal with you anyway?” 

“With me?” Taken aback, you went slightly rigid, why would he want to know anything about you? He hated you, he made it perfectly clear. He nodded, eyes narrowing as if he was trying to work you out. “What do you mean?”

“Well, why do you want to learn to hunt? And don’t you have some boyfriend around to teach you?” This was the most he’d spoken to you all day, and he had you spluttering on the sip of whatever you’d just taken. 

“I want to hunt so I can be useful,” you coughed out, shrugging your shoulders in an attempt to look casual, “and no I don’t have a boyfriend to teach me, so I suppose you’re just gonna have to put up with me for now.” Shaking your head, you tried at being playful, but it still didn’t crack his prying exterior.

“Pretty young thing like you, ‘bound to have ‘em falling at your feet.” It was said as almost a passing comment, but your shock was visible on your face, blinking and biting your lip trying to make up a response that was witting and defensive but you couldn’t.

Before you’d scrambled your way to Jackson, alone and bewildered, you had grown up in a cult, whose goal was primarily to restart civilisation. They’d taught how it worked, making babies and all that, and for a while you were happy playing the part, letting your father chose a man, who would be forced with the task of putting as many babies as he could inside you. You endured, what felt like a chore, with your partner, watching your friends fall pregnant. Your inability to fall pregnant was what made you run in the first place, hearing of what they did to the girls who could birth a child had frightened you, fearful that you’d be reduced to another mouth to feed. A drain on resources. So with all of that in mind, finding a boyfriend was never something that crossed your mind, nor was it something you greatly desired. But with Joel sat in front of you, legs spread with his thick thighs in your direction, you felt strings inside you being pulled that had previously been untouched.

“You think I’m pretty?” You swallowed, maintaining eye contact with him for a moment, trying to catch a hint of softness. 

“I think you’d be doin’ better tryin’ to find a nice young man,” He adjusted his position and met your gaze, “rather than spendin’ the night in and old shack with’an old man like me.” This was him trying to be nice you thought, but it was having the opposite effect. It made you defensive and you narrowed your eyes.

“Oh because I’d be better off finding a man-” 

“You’re puttin’ words in my mouth.” His interruption was calm, yet stern, shaking his head at you and rubbing his face with his hands. He’d succeeded in silencing you as you looked down at the ground in front of you, slightly embarrassed.

“I’ve had a boyfriend, or a lover, I don’t know what to call him,” You avoided him, you had no idea why you felt the need to be vulnerable, “and I don’t know what the whole big deal is, y’know?” You sighed, cheeks flushing a bit pink. “I don’t understand why someone would put themselves through that.”

“Through what?” He leaned forward slightly, curiosity shadowing his face in the dim light. Finally you lifted your head, showing him your red cheeks.

“That.” You hoped he understood your insinuation. And due to the sudden rigidness of his body recognised that he understood. He pursed his lips for a moment and then opened them as if to speak, yet nothing came out. Embarrassment was flooding your body, you regretted even bringing it up due to the sudden tension in the air. And there was that pit in your stomach again, aching and throbbing as you watched him stumble over words to say.

“Because it feels good.” Was all he could stifle out, watching your reaction carefully as your knitted your brows, screwing your face up in confusion slightly.

“Maybe for the men,” You scooted up onto your knees, looking up at him as he sat taller than you, “but for me, as a woman, its just so much pressure.” He was now looking confused, squinting his eyes, trying to understand.

“Pressure to what?” 

“To make a baby.” He was beginning to patronise you, making you explain the obvious like it was some sick game. It got you all defensive again. “It doesn’t feel that great when all you can think about is if you’re going to be able to make-“

“It’s not just about that.” Adamantly he shook his head, eye scanning over your body watching as frustration overtook you. “It’s not just about making a baby.”

“Don’t treat me like I’m stupid, Miller, I’ve had sex, I know what its about.” You bit sharp, heart thumping in your chest, moving closer to him to try and assert some dominance.

“I don’t think you do.” You could’ve sworn there was a ghost of a smirk hiding behind his beard. “Christ, I should not be the one telling you this.”

“Telling me what? What Joel?” You were now practically between his legs, kneeling, begging to understand what he could possibly be talking about. “Please, tell me, I don’t understand.” His eye were trying frantically, to look everywhere except for you.

“Darlin’, I cant be tellin’ you this, s’wrong.” His voice was lower, speaking to you quietly and firmly, grabbing a hold of your wrists. You felt hot under his touch, his rough hand wrapping around your wrists, staring into your eyes. “M’old enough to be your daddy.” 

“Whats that got to do with it?” Your voice lowered to the same volume as his, you were searching for the answers in his eyes, and he looked conflicted. Like he was balancing options. 

Your body was betraying you again, it wanted to reach forward, wrap itself around him, be as close to him as possible, as if the proximity now was not enough. As if the feeling of his fingers and palms on your now hot skin, was not enough.

“You think I haven’t noticed the way you’re always starin’ at me? Hmm, sweet girl?” God, if you were red before, now you were purple. Your skin was prickling, not just at the acknowledgment of your behaviour but at his sudden use of pet names. You couldn’t force words out even if you tried. “Why’d’you think I avoid you like you’re the plague?” With his face inches from yours, it was now easy to see that there was almost desperation in his eyes, like he was losing a battle, unable to let go of his grip still. 

“B…Because, you, you hate me.” You finally stuttered out, your throat dry from the heaving breathing.

“Christ, no, I don’t hate you, darlin’, I just can’t stop myself when you’re in front of me, staring at me with those big o’eyes, looking like you’re just about ready to drop to your knees.” There was still no answer to your question, you still didn’t understand, you so desperately wanted to understand. Especially after watching the way he licked his lips, his burning stare taking in every inch of you, “And to think, you’ve been sat there, squeezin’ your legs together, and you don’t even know what you’re doing.”

“I, I, I don’t understand, what you’re saying, Joel.” Your chest was rising and falling, a sweat blanketing the both of you, his grip loosening but letting his hands travel further up your arms until they were at your back. 

“Let me show you.” Was all he could muster out until his lips were on yours. He crashed against you, pulling you into him by your back. You fought for a moment at first, out of shock at his abruptness, but it did not take you long to be pressing your body against his, your fingers getting lost in his hair, gripping and tugging whilst he groaned into your mouth. His tongue found its way against yours, tasting every part of you, savouring the moment as you whimpered. You pulled away for a moment to catch your breath and he rested his forehead against your, “We shouldn’t be doing this.” The ache was taking over your body now, like it was all for him, making you force your lips on him again.

“Please, Joel, please,” You purred into him, his hand reaching down to your ass, gripping it hard, “please, I’m aching.”

“Baby, you don’t know what you’re doin’ to me,” he growled, his free hand reaching up to your neck, “you don’t know what you’re asking for.”

“Please show me, I need you.” Begging, you ignored how right he was, you were sure what you needed but you needed it fast. The tension was becoming unbearable, you needed release.

He held you close by the small of your back, gently lowering you down until your back touched the ground and he was on top of you. Looking up at him through your lashes, you were ready to do anything he asked of you, your entire body feeling like it was electric. He continued kissing you, moving his lips down your jaw, down your neck, sucking and unbuttoning your shirt with an experienced hand. There was still a little bit of disbelief inside you, a failure to believe that Joel Miller, who 2 minutes prior you believed hated you, was on top of you undressing you. The anticipation for his next move was unlike anything you’d experienced before. “God, I’ve thought about this,” His voice vibrated across your chest, your body lifting to meet his lips, your bra exposing your cleavage, “now look at you, angel, whimperin’ for me like a bitch in heat.” He was grinding his hips, pressing his hard bulge into where you needed him most. 

“Please, it hurts, Joel.” There was nothing you needed more than what he was giving you, the friction of denim rubbing together was nothing cooling the burning sensation between your legs. 

“I know, baby, I know.” He grumbled, “m’gonna show you, jus’ takin’ my time.”

Kisses were descending south down your body, soft red marks left in their wake. He was taking his time, occasionally glancing up at your wide, blown out eyes. He wanted to show you exactly what he’d meant. Exactly what he’d meant. When he finally reached the waistline of your jeans, he tapped your thighs, signalling for you to lifts your hips so he could begin to pull them down your legs and then off your body entirely, taking your white cotton panties with them. You instinctively pressed your knees together, immediately feeling exposed in front of Joels large frame. 

He tutted, “Ain’t no use bein’ shy now, sweet girl, you gotta show me where you need me.” 

You did as you were told, spreading your legs, whilst he knelt back, palming the growing tent in his jeans. “that’s it, good girl.” groaning, he leant forward, lowering his body to meet yours, “Look at how wet she’s got f’me, you might not know what I mean, but she definitely does.” A sadistic chuckle left his throat, watching you squirm under his intense gaze. 

Your body jolted when one of his fingers gently slid up your folds, collecting the wetness and slick, leaving you unable to breathe. No one had ever touched you there, not even yourself, and here was Joel Miller, slack jawed, toying with your hole however he pleased. He did slow motions up and down, watching as you glistened in the dim light. You had no idea you were capable kf feeling this feeling, a tingling sensation rippling in waves along with his touch. You were absentmindedly grinding your dripping cunt in motion with him, your eyes flickering shut whilst your head rolled back. “that’s right, baby girl, feels good don’t it?” Joel cooed through a smirk, watching intently as you rubbed against him. 

“mmhmm,” You hummed in a daze, this must’ve been what he was talking about, “so good.” And with your admission of pleasure, a small smile dancing over your lips, he took his hand away. Your head snapped up and you propped yourself on your elbows, looking down at him with pouted wet lips. He took little notice of your reaction, instead he wrapped his arm around your thighs positioning his face opposite your throbbing pussy. 

Before you had time to question why he was so close, he showed you. He dove into like a you were water and he was in a drought. Gasping, you watched with your jaw wide, panting whilst he licked and sucked at you, his tongue exploring every inch of you. “Joel, fuck, my god, what are you doing?” you panted, your chest rising and falling heavily. 

“Well,” he spoke between breaths, “I’m tasting you, darlin’ and boy, don’t you taste sweet.” he continued on, watching your breathing growing erratic, the torment his tongue was bestowing on you causing your eyes to roll back into your head, a hand holding onto his forearm. “your old boyfriend never came down for a taste?” 

“No” Just when you thought you couldn’t feel any better, he brought you to a new high. One which made you sure that this was what he was talking about surely it didn’t get better than this. Feeling his beard scratching against your thighs, seeing the absolute sheer pleasure in his eyes as his tongue fucked itself into your hole. 

“He was missing’ out, I’ll tell you that much, sweetheart.” It was a smug scoff. He was immensely enjoying the effect he was having on you. See you wriggle, unable to keep still, holding your hips firmly down to the ground so he could have his way with the sweet pussy in his mouth. Knowing that his mouth was the only one to taste you, to savour and relish in the taste of you, god he felt like one lucky man. 

The pit that started in your stomach had now grown and blossomed to take over your entire body, it was consuming and controlling you. Your back arched off the ground, only remaining anchored by Joel firm hands, you let one of your hands grab fistfuls of Joel’s hair, pushing him closer against you, whilst your other hand took to your breast, pinching at your hardened nipple underneath the restrictions of the bra. You cared not for the noises you made, filling the otherwise silent forest with salacious moans and Joel’s name. If a search party had been sent out for you, they’d definitely find you. They’d find you laying half naked, fucking yourself on Joel tongue. It was nearly shameful how much you were at his expense. The grip was gone from one of your thighs, your weak leg dropping to the ground giving him a wide access as you planted your foot on his back. He leant back for a moment before pursing his lips and spitting directly onto your already drooling cunt, making you flinch. 

“look at me, pretty girl.” He took a breath, your eyes meeting his, “god, what a sight for sore eyes, so pretty, look at me.” babbling his took your moment of distraction as a invite to insert two of his thick fingers into your hole, smiling again with wet lips, the juices from your pussy dampening his beard and shinning off of his prominent nose. Your eyelids fluttered as you struggled to make eye contact with him, your lip between your teeth to hard you were sure it was going to draw blood. at first he made sure to slowly let you adjust to the stretch of his fingers, feeling your walls constrict around his digits. “mmm, thatta girl, taking my fingers so well, is that nice?” His praise made you fumble, unable to form sentences, only being able to respond with a over ambitious nod of your head, pouting with beads of sweat dribbling down your temples. “I bet it’s nice, no one’s ever touched you like this, huh? My needy girl, following me around, so full of desire with no where to go.” You continued nodding, hypnotised by his words, his fingers curling to reach a spot, overwhelming you, tears prickling in your eyes. Your stomach was tight, the pressure building and building, your knees growing weak. “My girl.” He repeated to himself, looking your up down as if he was admiring his handiwork. 

“M’all yours.” It left your throat involuntarily, strangled and choked, pathetic. 

“All mine?” He huffed incredulously, “Yes you are, all mine, christ girl.” His mouth returned to the mess he had made made, lips wrapping around and pulling at your clip, releasing with a wet pop. You hissed and tugged at his hair, his nose smushed against your skin, sniffing and smelling as much of your natural scent as he could. He couldn’t remember the last time he ate a pussy this intoxicating, or if he ever even had. 

Something was about to rupture in you, it panicked you, washing over your body. You were unable to breathe, unable to release the grip you had on him, your eyes widening as you trembled against joel’s mouth. “Joel.” you squeaked out and he looked up at you with dark eyes, “what’s, fuck, I’m…” Your heart pounded in your chest and in your ears, you could barely focus, unable to form a sentence, or even get a word out. 

“that’s right, go on, let it out,” his warm breath fanned against your sensitive area, “make a mess, let go f’me, soak my finger.” He was rattling you and egging you on, seeing your pathetic, writhing, sweating body in front of him. 

Once more, you did as you were told. And holy shit. 

It was like your entire body was on vibrate, toes curling, unable to even make noise. Stars were bursting behind your squeezed shut eyes, body lifted forward off the ground. “That’s my girl, there she is, fucking hell, give it to me, darlin’” He groaned, digging his hips into the ground, watching you come undone. The tension was being released in constricting waves, your walls clenching and squeezing around his fingers, which remained still, but still putting pressure on the spot they had previous being stroking relentlessly. 

“oh my god, Joel, fuck me, oh my god, fuck, fuck.” When you could finally breathe again, you whined his name, cursing and crying a stream of profanities, his fingers leaving you empty whilst his tongue lapped up every precious drop of your high. It took a couple blinks for your vision to come back at when it did, you were met by the proud grin plastered on his face. 

“what was it you said earlier? somethin’ ‘bout me losin’ m’touch in m’old age?” He teased, before putting the fingers that had been in you, into his mouth. He sucked them dry, letting his eyes roll back into his head for a second. “Sure didn’t seem to mind my touch when you were choking my fingers.” 

“what was that?” You almost lost your voice, your throat dry. Joel was working his way up your body, kissing you and nibbling at your salty skin. 

“That, my darlin’, was what I meant.” His teeth pulled at your earlobe and you took deep breaths before letting your fingers nimbly start to unbutton his own flannel. 

“Do it again.” You pleaded, staring into his brown eyes, trying to rid him of his shirt as quickly as possible. 

“Christ, you are needy,” He stopped his kisses, “she’s already wanting more? it feel that good?” 

“Please, do it again, I want more.” You were completely possessed by the pleasure you had felt, gagging to feel more, you wanted him carnally, to have as much of him as possible. 

“Use your words, what do you want?” He was enjoying this too much for someone who had previously stated how wrong it was. He was going to give in, there was no way he couldn’t with his cock so painfully hard in his pants, he just wanted to relish in having you beg for him some more. 

The truth is that he’d spent plenty of time watching you. When you first came to town and Maria set you in the cabin next door, Joel had watched you. In fact, his bedroom window had been so perfectly placed so that at the right time of night, when you stepped out the shower he could make out your outline behind your curtains. In these moments, Joel would let himself indulge in all the dirty, perverted thoughts he’d kept locked up. He take his manhood in his hand and pleasure himself at the thought of feeling your skin against his, the thought of you whimpering and offering yourself, spread apart, for him. He’d thought many times about bounding through the door, ruining whatever was left of your innocence. He hadn’t, however, imagined that you had this much innocence left. And he would’ve never imagined in his wildest dreams that you’d be begging him for more, for him ruin you. 

“I want you, I want you to fill me up, to stretch me.” You were speaking whatever came to mind, no thinking, just action, tumbling over your words with the grace of a bull in a china shop. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, your eyes fucked out, hair matted and wild. This was enough for him to give in, allowing you to push his shirt down his arms, revealing his tanned skin and soft belly. Hair scattered below his waistline and you were eager to find where it lead to. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me, girl.” He cursed, watching your small hands struggled with his belt buckle. When he’d agreed to help teach you hunting, this is the last place he thought he’d be. 

He ended up undoing his belt himself, your frantic hands proving useless, but this meant you got to watch with wide, hungry eyes as his cock slapped his lower stomach, red and swollen with pre-cum beading at the tip. You were speechless, gulping, unsure of whether it would even fit. After he’d discarded of his jeans, reaching round and pumping his shaft in his fist. You were starving for him, the way he looked in this light, completely bare in front of you. He came down to your height, lips against yours, tongue in your mouth. “Can you taste yourself? Taste how sweet you are?” You purred a yes into the kiss and he pulled away, grabbing your chin between his thumb and finger. “taste good don’t you?” His half-lidded eyes remained fixed on the way you licked your lips and smiled sweetly at him, as if you were completely angelic. “yeah, you like it? ‘Course you do, jesus.” He shook, he wasn’t gonna last long with you looking the way you did, feeling the way you did. “how do you want it?” He was buying himself time, his cock already twitching just at the thought of being inside you. 

“I’ve never done it, from behind.” Your voice was quiet and unsure, you’d clearly never been asked how you wanted it and now you felt like there was a right and wrong answer. However with the way Joel immediately grabbed you, flipping you over with a squeeze so that you laid on your stomach, you realised that maybe you picked right. 

“Now,” he straddled your thighs, grabbing and kneading at your bare ass, spreading your cheeks and planting his cock between them, “it’s been a while,” he rocked his hips gently, watching the way his cock pushed through your plush cheeks, getting lost, “I ain’t tryin’ to make excuses-”

“Please, please, I’m begging you,” you pleaded, arching your back and pushing against him, his balls dragging against your pussy causing him to shiver, all the hairs on his body standing on end, “I want you to give it to me again, Joel, it’s aching again, I’m aching for you.” You tried your best to crane your neck, so that you could make eye contact with him and he took it as an opportunity to grab you by the neck. 

“M’gonna give it to you, baby girl, you ready?” His lips brushed against your forehead before resting there, so you whimpered in response before he plunged into you. 

He stretched you out in a way that burned. It felt like you were being torn and you evidently winced and hissed and the intrusion of his cock. He, on the other hand, had just entered into heaven. The way you wrapped around him so tight and perfectly had him choking on his low groans, basking in watching your pussy so delightfully swallow every inch he had to give you before stopping at the base. You needed a moment, clenching your fists and squeezed your eyes shut, you needed to adjust to having something of his sheer size inside you. He needed a moment because he was sure if he made any sudden movements, he was going to spill inside you immediately, before he had even had a chance to get you remotely close to your climax. “god, you’re so fucking tight, she’s takin’ me real good.” He kissed at your forehead again, trying to distract himself from the way you were squirming. You knot in your stomach was growing again and the pain was soon numbed out, awaiting his movement. 

“you’re so big.” whining, you fluttered your lashes, splaying your hands out in front of you, preparing yourself. 

“I know, baby, you ready for it?” 

“Yes,” You were practically gasping for air, making puppy dog eyes at him through your eyelashes, watching him twitch, “please, Joel, please.” 

Against his better judgement, Joel began thrusting his hips slowly into you, watching your expression twist, eyes squeezed shut, mouth wide open. You mewled and whimpered, knuckles turning white as you gripped at nothing. You looked pathetic beneath him, surrendering yourself entirely. And he ate it all up. He was enthralled, blinking down at you, watching tears form at the corners of your eyes, your freckles hiding beneath a red flush. This was heaven.

He rocked into you fervently, pushing in and pulling out moans. His grip around your neck kept your face in constant view, his breath fanning over your skin. “You look so beautiful, baby, taking this cock.” He grunted out between the snap of his hips, reaching deeper inside you than anyone had before, your soft velvet walls wrapping around him, clenching and contracting to accommodate his girth. Your lips couldn’t form words, stuck open wide, panting, your tongue resting on your bottom lip.  

You felt so full, feeling him in your belly, grazing your cervix with ease. His free hand traveled from your hips, holding you safe and firm, to squeeze a handful of your ass, painfully hard. It caused you to yelp, pushing your hips into him, making his thrust halt for a moment as he shuddered. He was trying desperately hard to not cum embarrassingly fast. He felt like a teenager again, trying to divert his thoughts to anything other than the writhing body he was currently impaling with his throbbing cock. But the way you were pushing back on him, begging him constantly with that drunken look in your eyes, like he was the only other person on the planet. He couldn’t ignore it, no matter how much he though about what needed fixing at home, all his thoughts returned to you. 

“More.” You choked out. And he raised an eyebrow.

“More? More what, sweetheart?” He punctuated by giving a hard thrust that left you shaking. 

“Harder, I want it- Oh fuck!” Interrupting you, he took advantage and began ramming into you mid sentence, taking immense pleasure in watching you become undone around his relentless torment.

He let go of your ass and your neck, picking you up by your hips so you were on your knees, check pressed against the ground. There was an excited smile on your face, cheeks aching and hot. “You smilin’ girl? Yeah? You like it like this, feel good don’t it?” Whilst you couldn’t see his face, you could hear he was groaning through a grin too, keeping your legs steady so he could quicken his already brutal pace.

There it was again, that growing pit, the flush of electricity that erupted into your body. Your grin only grew, whining and spreading your legs out further for him, allowing him to go deeper and deeper with each groundbreaking thrust. Your legs were trembling, your knees aching and surely bruised up. But it was the last thing on your mind, all you could think about was the impending surge of pleasure. “Hell, look at you,” Joel growled, swallowing hard, “You fuckin’ love it.”

“I… Do, don’t stop!” You spread your legs further, thighs falling downwards, ignoring the burning sensation at the slightly uncomfortable position that you knew you’d regret tomorrow.

“Oh darlin, I ain’t gonna be able t’hold on much longer, not wit’you spreading your fuckin’ legs like this f’me.” Joel was holding on for dear life, becoming desperate. He knew you were close, he could feel it in the way your cunt was becoming tighter and tighter, dripping with arousal, slick running down his thighs getting lost in the hair.

“Mmmhmm, I want it daddy, fill me up.” Your words were slurred and he tensed at what you’d called him. 

“Yeah, baby girl, you want daddy deep in you?” He leant over you, palm pressing against the side of your head, pushing you further against the wooden floorboards. His thumb fell just above your mouth, sitting on your lips until you wrapped them around it, sucking gently. You nodded, your body beginning to tense and tremble.

This was shameful stuff, Joel thought, stuff people go to confession and repent for. Here you were, on your hands and knees, offering yourself up, sucking his thumb, fluttering your lashes. You were either the most beautiful angel or a demon sent to lead him astray. Either way, he was relishing in it. 

“Come on baby, I know it’s-”

“Oh, Daddy, I'm gonna- it’s coming, I’m-” Your frantic moans came out tumbling over his, interrupting him, arching your back up, your entire body clenching at you were engulfed in pleasure again. “Oh, Joel, Oh my god, you, f, f, feel, so good!” You didn’t care about your volume, you just cared about how amazing it felt to have Joels cock deep inside you as you twitched and writhed around him. You pushed your ass against him, trying to get him as far in you as possible.

Joel couldn’t stop himself, spilling into you will a prolonged broken groan, one hand grabbing a fistful of your hair, the other grasping on your hip, his head snapped back. He could’ve been having a heart attack, the way his heart was pounding in his ears. You could feel him pumping inside of you, each twitch and rope painting your insides. 

“Oh, sweet girl, Christ!” He panted out of breath, riding out his high, jutting his hips forward into you as you breathed heavily beneath him, sensitive to every one of his movements. “You’re gon’ be the death of me, girl.” He fell over you, his weight pinning you down, pulling his softening cock out of you.

He rolled to the side of you, you remained laying on your front, thighs trembling, aching too much to move positions. “You still in there?” He raised his eyebrows, brushing hair behind your ear as you look up at him in adoration, big eyes filled with want. A giggle left your lips as his chest rose and fell in deep loud breaths. “What’re you laughin’ at?” 

“Is it like that every time?” Coarse, your voice creeped out, wiggling closer to him as he rubbed the bridge of his nose with his calloused hand.

“No,” sighing, he wrapped an arm around you, pulling your tired frame into his, immediately soaking in the warmth, “that was… somethin' else.” 

You were quick to fall asleep in his arms. You knew you were safe, your body aching and weak. You were engulfed in his scent, head resting nestled into his armpit, soaking it all in. 

He’d opened a can of worms, swarmed by thoughts he’d tried to suppress, watching you curl up next to him. He could not shake the image of you coming undone around him, surrendering so easily to him. It was so much better than he’d ever imagined, but now he’d acted on these thoughts, he could no longer suppress them. He couldn’t avoid you, the only act of indulgence he’d allowed himself was watching you through your window. Now he hadn’t just indulged himself, he’d submerged himself in you. He was ashamed. He should’ve known better.

______________________________________________________________

“Get up, gotta head back.” 

You were awoken, your shirt being thrown at you, crumpled over your chest. Your eyes took a moment to adjust, sunlight seeping into the cabin. You blinked a few times, a shadow breaking up the sunlight. Your body ached like you’d ran a marathon. “Hey, Kid, wake up.” His stern abrupt voice, causing you to pout, instinctively bringing your shirt up to cover your breasts. 

Joel was standing opposite you, fully dressed, bag on his shoulders, towering over you with a fed up expression painting his features. You blinked up at him a few times, frowning, confused. “Do I gotta say it a third time? Jesus Christ.” He muttered under his breath, shaking his head, turning his back on you to walk out the cabin.

A tsunami wave of embarrassment and shame flooded through you. Feeling your cheeks turning hot and purple, scrambling to get your bra and clothes on, eyes scanning the floor for your belongings. You pulled your socks on, searching for your panties. They’d seemingly disappeared. But due to Joels passive aggressive sighs outside, you decided they were a lost cause. Pulling your jeans up your legs without them. You felt dirty, your inner thighs still sticky and wet, his cum smeared across them. His coldness was causing you to do flips in your tummy. When you finally met him outside the cabin, he muttered something else under his breath and then began walking without a word.

You kept your eyes down to the ground, tail between your legs, walking in silence. You felt the tension in between you two. Like you’d upset him. Like you’d done something wrong. He didn’t dare look back at you, ignoring every noise you made, cursing every twig you stepped on reminding him you were there. And reminding him where he’d been. Reminding him of the touch of your soft skin, how small you felt in his arms, the way you were whimpering his name begging for him. He couldn’t bare it, knowing you were behind him, eyes distraught, the carpet swept from beneath you.

Your mind was elsewhere, trying to figure out where you’d messed up, what it was that was wrong. Everything had felt so right, so so good. What was it that you did that had angered him so much. You didn’t notice the branch within the leaves in front of you and you tripped slightly, falling forward, only to be caught by Joels strong hands. “Would you just watch what you’re doin’?” He bit, lip twitching, staring you directly in the eye, hands gripping onto your arms for a moment too long. 

“Did I do something wrong?” You swallowed, watching him turn around on his heel, shaking his head again, like you were asking something outlandish, “I mean.. was I… was I not very good? I know I don’t have much experience but-” You were fumbling over your words again, insecurity threatening to spill from your eyes, Joel freezing in front of you.

“What we did was wrong, no matter how good it felt, for both of us.” He spoke stiff, refusing to look you in the eye when he turned around, refusing to acknowledge that you were holding back tears. “It was wrong.” He lifted his hands in front of him, as if to signal “enough”.

“But-”

“No, no, thats it end of.” 

“You’re not even letting me-”

“Listen to me,” he stepped forward, now staring too directly in the eyes, inches from your face, steadying his breathing, “Last night should not have happened, It will not happen again and I’d appreciate you keepin’ it to yourself, it was a mistake, a lapse in judgment.” 

His words stung. Like falling on your palms on gravel as a kid. Quick and lingering. You tried your best to hid your quivering bottom lip. You didn’t know how to respond, you didn’t know if he’d even let you. You decided against it. He’d humiliated you enough, you weren’t about to cry in front of him too. 

You carried on the rest of the walk in silence. Like nothing had changed. Like you couldn’t still feel him dripping out of you. Like the ghost of your taste wasn’t still dancing on his tongue, on his lips. He could smell you all over him. 

When you finally got back to town, you parted ways, the awkwardness radiating off of the both of you as you were welcomed back. He made you feel sick. It was all so embarrassing. The way he wouldn’t even look at you. But why would he? You were just one great big lapse in judgment. The return to your small cabin was lonely and you had barely gotten to your front door when you finally allowed yourself to cry. You allowed yourself one glance back at Joel, who was entering his own home, already staring you down. You sobbed a little, shooting him a cold glare before slamming you door shut behind you, sliding down it with your hands in your hair.

Joel felt guilt rotting inside him. 

He entered his home alone, it was cold and he could still smell you all over him. 

He took one hard step at a time, ascending his stairs, his bed creaking beneath his weight as he sat down, sighing. 

He reached into his back pocket, pulling out the white cotton panties, the little satin ribbon on the front crumbled and slightly undone. Lifting them to his nose, he inhaled, your scent filling his nostrils and his brain. The image of you playing on repeat behind his eyelids, like an old movie on a projector.

And with one hand holding your panties to his nose and mouth, eyes fixated on your bathroom window, he let his other one fist his cock out of his jeans, stroking it slowly.

Back to square one.

[godihatethiswebsite]

Tethered Bonds

✽ Poly 141 x f!reader (Omegaverse AU)

A lucky stroke of fate led you right into the arms of your alpha soulmates. But is it everything you dreamed it would be or just the continuation of a nightmare?

Main Masterlist ✽ Ao3

✽ Part One - A twisted fate

I'm gonna be honest: this came to me in a tired, period induced haze and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing but the bunnies would not let me stop until I finished it. Was supposed to be a oneshot... until it wasn't XD Hoping this is just gonna be a short little pet project on the side. Lemme know if I missed any triggers!

Trigger warnings: SA (not by the 141), biting, claiming, angst, depression, self harm

[Edit 7/16/24: updated relationship tags]

The parking lot was a certified mess to navigate, a veritable winter hellscape with the continual snowfall keeping the pavement slick and churning around spinning wheels to create a thick dirty slush. Packed cars fought for spaces towards the front of the store, wanting to avoid the headache of trudging through sloppy sleet, heavy carts overflowing with expensive gifts and last minute groceries.

Parents loaded up their trunks for their upcoming banquets. Little ones chattered in youthful exuberance about brightly wrapped packages and a jolly fat man. Festively dressed bell ringers exhausted their muscles for the cause of charity, offering joyous smiles to those passing by gracious enough to offer a token. Even six inches of heavy wet snowfall were not enough to deter shoppers from their mood. Coupled with the obnoxiously boisterous music that met you at the door it was almost impossible not to get swept up in the infectious holiday spirit.

Almost.

You hadn’t bothered joining the chaotic dominance for prime parking, opting to choose the very last row towards the street instead of wasting precious minutes yelling profanities out the window to an uppity pack trying to steal your spot. The harsh wind burned your face and nipped at your skin, pulling the woolen scarf tighter around your neck and up over your bitten nose. You avoided eye contact with the chipper lady at the front, not wanting to feel guilty for not donating when you barely had enough to scrape by as it is.

Normally you avoided venturing out this close to Christmas unless absolutely necessary. Holidays haven't meant much to you in recent years since your parent’s untimely passing and you hated the constant reminder of ‘the most wonderful time of the year’. Sure, there were still your other two alpha fathers, but they’d opted for someplace warmer in their age and visitation was difficult with your busy work schedule. Your younger brother wasn’t almost worth mentioning with his new prissy family somewhere up north. That bridge was burned the day he called you a harlot.

Needless to say, you’d become something of a grinch.

You’d been miserably sick the week prior and ate through most of your stockpile of hoarded food, not enough remaining to keep blowing off shopping with the bustling crowds. If you wanted to last past New Years then a trip into town was unavoidable.

The intense blast of hot air from the overhead heaters thawed your aching bones upon entering the store, shaking the accumulated dampness from your head and shoulders but leaving the thick cloth covering the lower half of your face. It would help you in your endeavors to get through the aisles expediently without irritating your delicate omega olfactory senses. 

It got harder to distinguish the source of fragrances this time of year, when folk spent their days burrowed away from the bitter cold surrounded by the comforts of the season. A chilled glass of rich subtly spiced eggnog, smokey cedar logs crackling in the hearth, sweet woodsy pine wreaths and garlands wrapped around thick oak banisters, trees decorated with peppermint candy canes and dried strings of popcorn. 

Gingerbread, mulled wine, cinnamon, orange, clove; a bountiful buffet of complementary aromas. Your own father had smelled of cranberry sauce once upon a time (it made the holidays that much harder when he was gone). And with so many people filling the space - even with the heating fans working overtime trying to filter out most of it - it could get difficult trying to figure out whether a boozy scent originated from a lovely beta or the soaked rum cake she was placing in her cart.

Honestly if it weren't for the outrageous delivery fees you would've had the groceries dropped off instead of enduring the aggressive pheromones floating through the air. Alas this was one of your few exceptions to your hermit lifestyle.

Truthfully, it wasn’t just December that had you hesitant to leave the sanctuary of your meager apartment. 

For the past few years, you’d been battling a severe case of agoraphobia, something you’d been working on wholeheartedly with a therapist since the accident that made you so. It had crippled you to the point that even daring to have the blinds open on your windows sent you spiraling into that dark abyss of cackling distress, panic consuming every last ounce of breath until you found yourself minutes later curled up on the bathroom floor, lightheaded and queasy.

Nausea was a constant in your life, along with the cold sweat that had you sleeping on a towel just to keep from ruining your bedsheets. Lethargy was embedded in your muscle fibers. A searing ache in your throat. The painful deep tugging in your chest an ever present reminder of the uphill battle you fought each time you opened your crusty sleep filled eyes. Depression was your best friend, curled around you in a false sense of comfort where it was easier to slip into a maladaptive headspace than face the truth of your harsh reality.

But despite the physical manifestations of your trauma, you’d made good strides so far with your weekly sessions. It had been a difficult road getting to this point and your therapist praised you for your dedication to not letting it hinder the life you had ahead. You weren’t sure what it looked like, but you tried all the same.

Like a hound that heard you calling, that ominous presence that filled you with dread came crawling into the back of your skull, mittened hand discreetly itching at the wool around your neck and scratching the irritated skin beneath. Forcing yourself to take a few deep breaths until it settled, you grabbed one of the many baskets available and began the trek weaving down the rows of food.

Christmas was about a week away and the mobs were out in full force. Thankfully the items you were on the hunt for were not the same ingredients needed by everyone else. There was the occasional overlap of things like milk, eggs, bread, etc. But there was no call for a full sized turkey or spiraled ham; no sweet potato casserole or chocolate yule log to bake. Just some bologna, shredded cheese, a couple packs of ramen, and a few other household things here you were running low on. 

Maybe for the hell of it you’d stop in the frozen section and find yourself a mini cheesecake to splurge on for when you inevitably opened that bottle of fireball sitting on the shelf come next Tuesday, forced to listen to your upstairs neighbors' horrendous attempts at Christmas caroling.

Halfway through the store, your browsing was interrupted by an alluring scent swirling somewhere nearby.

Citrusy. Acidic. Sweet. Airy. 

Your scarf had slipped off your face when you bent down to grab something off the lower racks, exposing you to the freshly baked goods across the way. Someone nearby was carrying a batch of lemon cupcakes, your mouth watering as the scent invaded your tastebuds and forced a pleasant hum from the back of your throat. 

Something curled in your chest like a finger beckoning forward, begging for an acknowledgement that had you standing at rapt attention. Your body seemed to move on its own, head swiveling like a rickety chair, scanning the nearby vicinity - for what, you couldn’t say. The inner omega that prowled just underneath the surface vibrated restlessly, choking back a needy whine while your eyes swept over the closest individuals. Something primal had called out to you, throwing your hormones out of whack, piecing together invisible clues so obviously standing right in front of you. 

The summery concoction felt so out of place in the harsh winter months, swirling and nagging at the base of your spine, urgent and loud and taking up too much space until you felt like you could drown in its tang–

Your muscles locked in place, gaze affixed to something - someone - at the end of the aisle. 

A big someone. An alpha.

And he was massive.

There was a natural musculature that came with the inherited alpha genetics. Beta’s could grow to a similar size if they worked at it, but there was a casual arrogance that was impossible to mistake with the former designation. Even still, this man towered over most others in the vicinity, lesser alphas giving a wide berth to the intimidating figure currently staring down at his phone screen. Thick grey hoodie pulled up over his head, a black military jacket layered over top. Dark wash jeans led down to warm boots hefty enough to stomp a man’s skull in. Messy dark blonde hair peeked out from up top, a black surgical mask covering the lower half of his face from view.

He couldn’t have given off any more ‘don’t fuck with me’ vibes if he had it tattooed across his forehead. There was nothing sinister about his bearing per se - one hand casually shoved into a coat pocket as he leaned back against one of the dessert displays - but there was a coiled alertness that gave you the distinct impression he was more aware of his surroundings than he led you to believe.

One thing was for certain: you were never more sure of anything in your less than perfect life that that man was your scent match.

Your lungs expanded in your chest to drink in more of his scent. Palms turned sweaty, hair on the back of your neck prickled, the weight of the basket on your arm all but forgotten. Your throat parched at the prospect of getting to shove your face against his scent gland and taste the delectable lemony goodness right off his skin. 

People went lifetimes never meeting their perfect scent matches. The odds of you ever encountering one wasn’t even worth holding out hope for. Over seven billion people on the planet and you had to win an epic fucking lottery to get as lucky as you just did. Bonding ceremonies like that made the news for how rare it was. You’d never even dreamed of this happening, making peace with the idea that mates only existed in fairytale romance.

You just about dropped your groceries when he was joined shortly thereafter by another gorgeous male, slightly shorter by a few inches and not as broadly built. Rich dark skin, effortlessly cool street style, short black curls, and a dazzling pearly white smile.

This new alpha didn’t seem to flinch in the presence of the other, lemon cupcake glancing up only briefly to acknowledge the newcomer whose toasted coconut aroma barrelled right into you, colliding like a runaway freight at an unguarded intersection. Gulping down mouthfuls of air like a fish heaving on dry land, your head spun wildly at the nutty intrusion; smokey yet sweet, conjuring images of a warm evening bonfire on a lush sandy beach. 

Hope bloomed in your chest something fierce and bright. Your omega preened in unbridled delight, pawing at the surface, eager to get her hands on the two beautiful specimens whose every atom screamed ‘mine’. Tears stung behind your eyes, a mixture of relief and elation, vibrant like bursting fireworks and twinkling Christmas lights. 

What would you say to them? Do you approach them first? Should you wait for them to scent you back or try to pretend you didn’t smell them yet? What did their voices sound like? You could see their lips moving, even if the ones’ were hidden behind a surgical mask. Tenor, baritone, rumbly bass? What were their names? Where did they live? Was this really happening right now?! 

Something twisted and gnarled sunk its claws into your subconscious, rearing its ugly head in protest at the newfound revelation, but for the first time in years you didn’t fucking care. 

They were here. Your alphas. Your pack. Your salvation.

“Babes!” 

Decadent chocolate floated past you, a small apology from her lips as the omega brushed by, bumping her arm against yours on the way to her intended destination. You’d hardly noticed, too caught up in your own inner monologue and girlish fantasies to barely manage a quiet ‘no worries’.

For a split second, your eyes met coconut’s beautiful luscious brown, breath catching in your throat as the object of your desire finally seemed to take note of your existence. It was like gazing into the threads of the universe, pulling taut between you in a cosmic symphony that brought your stardust back together from whence it scattered at the dawn of time. 

A perfect part of an incomplete whole.

…until those shimmering umber pools shifted left, aimed at the bubbly figure headed right towards them. 

Huh?

Confusion as both alphas turned their full undivided attention to the dark haired omega, holding out a box of something for them to inspect and smiling when it met their approval, an affectionate pat on the head from lemon for her success that left her beaming with pride. 

That’s when you noticed it - peeking out underneath the collar of her elegant peacoat. A faint white crescent moon shaped scar, standing out against her lightly tanned skin, a matching one a little farther down. 

Mating bites. A bonded omega. 

And your scent matched alphas were gazing lovingly at her as if she’d hung the stars. 

She was theirs. They’d already found their mate. 

And it wasn’t you.

Something died in your chest, a broken scream torn silent from your soul as it condensed into a burning black hole. Agony unlike anything you’ve ever known, piercing your fragile heart and burrowing like a plague into your veins until the sickness had spread to every corner of your being. Your omega clawed at her eyes, willing the visions in front of you to vanish like a twisted mirage, begging for a bullet to erase the image of coconut planting a soft forehead kiss before wrapping an arm around her waist and turning to leave. 

A dejected whine ripped from your throat as you took an unconscious step forward, hand vaguely outreached, instincts screaming to chase after them and make them choose you instead of her. But you did no such thing. You watched helplessly as the alphas who were supposedly destined for you by the stars turned their backs on your pathetic existence.

This couldn't be happening. Why was this happening?! Please turn around!!!

With the same circulating air that had guided their scents to you, the wind in the store shifted.

Lemon cupcake went ramrod straight, whipping his head around so fast you were worried it’d go flying off his shoulders. It was uncanny the way he immediately zeroed in on your poor trembling figure, standing in the middle of a crowded aisle, uncaring to the concerned glances of the other shoppers as he unknowingly ruined your life. 

Recognition sparked deep behind voided irises before going completely neutral, steeling his expression but remaining unmoving as stone. It’s like the two of you were locked into place, orbiting each other by an invisible tether, watery eyes begging the ones staring back to please… please not leave you behind.

Coconut halted in his own step at the end of the aisle, sniffing the air for a moment with a furrowed brow, glancing over his shoulder at lemon, asking him something too far away to overhear. You can only assume the contents of his reply, the slightest shift of his mask the only tell he’d responded before coconut turned to face you as well.

This time garnered more of a physical reaction than the last, jaw dropping while staring just as unabashedly as his alpha companion. Eyes swept from head to toe, cataloging every minute detail the same as you’d done to them. Pupils dilated exponentially, nostrils flaring taking in the crisp pear scent you exuded, memorizing every facet and swallowing it down like a ravenous predator.

What a sight you must’ve made; eyes red and puffy from the tears that now flowed freely from suffering instead of the earlier jubilation, meek and sheepish and falling apart at the seams. What a piss poor impression to give the men fated to be your mates.

There was a brief moment where coconut seemed to match your initial energy, a flash of something saccharine and longing, only for it to collapse under the grueling weight of our fatalistic reality. There was an internal struggle in the crease of his brow, the downturned expression souring behind clenched teeth and tight fists. But more than that there was pity - pity at how you couldn’t have met sooner. Pity that you’d had to discover them like this, a woman on their arm and bite marks on her neck. Pity that they hadn’t had faith that they would be the lucky ones in a packed society.

You can make out a question on the chocolate omega’s perfectly pouty lips, trying to put the jigsaw together as to why her alphas were suddenly acting this way while glancing between the three of you.

Ignoring her, coconut takes a half step forward; you take two steps back. There’s an apology in your watery eyes, a hushed ‘merry christmas’ too strained for their ears. Your heart’s beating too loudly, your breath comes too shallow. You don’t even realize you’re sucking in heaving sobs until a gentle hand of a passerby lands on your shoulder, snapping you out of the chaos of your psyche. 

You can’t take it any more; the shame, the embarrassment, the gut wrenching defeat. 

The basket falls to the floor with a loud clatter, startling the people nearby who let out shrieks and gasps of surprise as the spilled contents inside break open and shatter. Eggs crack, milk pours onto the mud trekked tile, a fragile jar of strawberry jam splatters across someones pristine boots with an indignant shout.

A smooth tenor voice calls out ‘WAIT’, but you’ve already rounded the corner, barreling through the crowds of happy smiles and ecstatic giggles, too torn up inside to feel anything but desolation at the future so cruelly ripped from your fingers.

The crisp frigid air smacks the breath from your lungs, winter boots slapping on the slushy frozen ground. The squeal of brakes accompanies you as you sprint uncaringly through the bustling traffic, horns honking and voices shouting, muffled and far away as you drown in the whirlwind of your mind. It’s a miracle you’re not hit by a car, an even bigger one that you make it back to your own unscathed.

Slamming the car door shut, you smack your padded palms repeatedly against the steering wheel, banshee wailing your vocal cords raw in despair. The dark presence creeps in once more, a mocking chill down your spine as it caresses your fractured soul. The nausea comes back full force, the tugging on your chest, the burning in your throat. There’s a desperation as you tear your fitted mittens off, reaching under the woolen scarf and incessantly scratching at the irritated skin until it shreds under your nails. The pain doesn't register through your emotional torment, blocking out the inner voice until it inevitably slinks back into the shadows after its bitter lick of victory.

Panting hard, your head slumps back against the cloth headrest, stewing in the silence of misery and defeat, the distant joyful bells of Christmas the only company you have on this cold winter’s night.

It takes a few tries to fit the key in your deadbolt, blinking through tears now frozen to your eyelashes. There’s no recollection of how you even made it home in your brittle mental state. For all you knew were twelve civilians flattened like pancakes on the side of the road and a warrant out for your arrest. 

Wouldn’t that be nice? A break from having to pay bills and function like an adult.

Stumbling through the door, the sparse furnishings of your minimal studio glare at you, flipping them off as you shuck the damp outer layers from your frail form. A mess to be cleaned up another day.  

It wasn't just the rejection of your fated mates you were facing. It was the knowledge that your entire future had been ripped away and no amount of hot glue could piece it back together. Today’s revelation was the final nail in the coffin for the rest of your life.

The bathroom lights flickered with dying bulbs, something that had been on your shopping list tonight and was now being swept off the floor along with everything else you’d left behind. It didn’t stop you from locating the first aid kit under your sink, setting it on the ceramic counter and pulling out the well loved supplies inside.

You avoided staring at your gaunt reflection, not wanting to see the person looking back as you tugged at the thick scarf looped around your neck. The constricting material tore away with ease, falling into a discarded heap on the floor, revealing the torn mottled flesh hidden underneath. 

Your own set of crescent shaped scars - where the line of your neck connected to the meat of your shoulder, long since healed over and faded with time. The area surrounding it was now swollen and inflamed, raised angry red lines dotted with scrapes like a bad case of road rash, bloody from where you'd furiously clawed at your neck on the car ride home. The only time the fucker in your head shuts up - the connection tethering you emotionally gone silent once he got tired of feeling physical pain across the bond.

Memories came unbidden. Flashes of that fateful encounter coming home late from work, dragged into a sequestered shadowy overhang a few meters down the darkened alleyway. A feral alpha hopped up on something illegal, tearing into your clothes and violating the virginal space between your thighs. The muffled cries as he overpowered you, panting through a rut with his greasy fingers shoved down your throat to silence you, gagging on the musky taste. The scream as his teeth pierced your flesh, the bond snapping taut and stealing your future from you without a thought to your own wishes.

He’d fucked you ragged that night, waking up with your cheek pressed into the damp pavement and his arm slung around your waist from hours earlier. There’d been no one to turn to, no one who would care. By law now you were his - no matter the means it had been done. 

A mating bite was binding. 

You’d crawled away from him, your outfit in tatters hanging loosely over your bruised form, dried blood stuck to your neck and a stabbing pain at your apex. You felt dirty and used and wanted nothing more than to strip the skin from your bones. The unconscious form of the– your alpha flopped prone on his back, crimson stains around his mouth and his flaccid cock still half out of his trousers. The pinpricks on his arm told the tale of a junkie. It’s possible he hadn’t even been fully aware of the crime he’d committed. 

You didn’t stick around to find out.

But you paid for that decision harshly, opting for a life not attached to your abuser, at a steep tormented cost. Bonds weren’t meant to be strained for so long. It starts to cause negative impacts on the pair, the omega bearing the worst of the brunt. Nausea, sweating, pain, dizziness, fatigue. The chronic illnesses you endured day in and day out would stay with you for the rest of your life. So long as he was up and walking free - alive somewhere on the other side of the country - his greasy claws strumming your senses through the connection tethering you eternally.

Only a perfect scent match could override the original bite and free you from the oppressive bonds that shackled you to an invisible alpha - the last remaining hope you had at any semblance of happiness.

And you just lost it.

>> ✿ Next ✿ >>

[etherealising]

chapter one | a berzatto family christmas

masterlist | next chapter ↣

pairing(s): carmen berzatto x fem!reader : platonic!michael berzatto x fem!reader : platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader

summary: you reunite with carmy years later at the berzatto family christmas party.

warnings: language (cursing), blasphemy, angst (maybe?), spoilers kinda (if you haven't seen season 2 don't read), the berzatto family, not dialogue heavy, very subtle hints to mikey being suicidal, probably ooc!characters, idk what else but if you find something let me know please! not beta’d and minimal editing so sorry for any mistakes. i also wrote this overstimulated on caffeine so if it doesn’t make sense or it’s repetitive then we know why : )

semantics: no use of Y/N: reader goes by the nickname Baby it has a backstory and its literally so simple, if this bothers you idk what to tell you, sorry : (

wc: 4.7k

You were standing on the sidewalk, nerves filling your body as you hyped yourself up to take the few steps left to the porch and ring the doorbell. You shouldn’t have been so nervous, you knew that but your mind was spinning with the myriad of scenarios both good and bad; that could play out once you stepped foot past the threshold. In all honesty, it wasn’t so much that you were nervous to enter the house itself, it was the fact that you’d be face to face with your childhood best friend for the first time in you didn’t even know how long. Maybe childhood best friend was a stretch you had only been introduced into each other's lives due to circumstance, and because of that forced proximity, you both took comfort in having someone stable around.

The two of you weren’t friends because you had chosen each other, or because you had met in kindergarten and shared toys in the sandbox because the other kids were stingy. No, you met because as a single mom, your mother needed all the shifts she could get even if that meant working the graveyard shift at the hospital, and only seeing you a handful of hours throughout the day because most times she was too dead on her feet to be conscious for more than a few hours. And when she could no longer pay the babysitter her next best option was the eccentric woman across the street who had children close in age with you.

Enter Donna Berzatto, a woman who came to feel like a second mom to you. It's not that she replaced your mom, no one could ever replace her, but she was the only real mother figure you knew for a time in your life. Who took you in as her own when your mother needed a new babysitter, and not just you but integrated your mom into the family as well, when she was spared the time off from nursing. Donna Berzatto who never sent you home empty-handed, and always made enough food for you and your mom to last throughout the week, just so your mother wouldn’t have to worry about fitting grocery shopping into her already hectic schedule. Donna Berzatto who, even when you were old enough to no longer need a babysitter, would send Carmy across the street to fetch you for family dinner, or even just invite you over because she thought you needed company.

Now that you were thinking about it, it seemed like you were more friends with his mom than you ever were with Carmen Berzatto. But then that would be a lie wouldn’t it?

You and Carmen Berzatto were friends due to circumstance, maybe even best friends. You weren’t just friends at his house, but you were school friends, you were everywhere friends. He really was your only true friend, of course, you had school friends, but that’s just what they were. You saw them Monday through Friday for a mandatory education, never an hour before school started or a minute after the final bell. Which didn’t necessarily bother you, but sometimes you longed for a weekend invitation to hang out, not that it ever came. And it wasn’t like you were shunned or unpopular in school, you were just average, you didn’t see a point in making friends with people you weren’t actually interested in befriending.

That’s what made Carmy so different, yes maybe you were only introduced due to circumstances but that didn’t stop the two of you from latching onto each other for dear life. Your mom always wondered how you two even established the friendship you did, with both of you being shy and never feeling the need to go out of your way to make friends. Include the fact that you had been neighbors practically your whole lives and never once taken an interest in each other aside from shy waves and curious childlike staring when either of you would be outside.

Your relationship with Carmen progressed as any childlike relationship would, you befriended each other, had your incessant petty arguments and fights, nothing ever serious enough to actually cause damage just childish antics. And it continued to progress through middle school and high school, the two of you were each other’s person, you just understood each other, the two of you let the other understand you, and wanted to be understood by each other.

You could also recall what you explain as a minute change in your friendship. As Senior year approached and you and Carmy continued to grow into yourselves, you developed a slight crush on the boy you had grown up with. It obviously wasn’t as small as you thought it was if you were standing in front of his childhood home giving yourself a pep talk just to ring the damn doorbell though was it?

The unsolicited card and wrapped present weighed heavy in your tote bag, as your breath was made visible by the chilly Chicago weather.

It was Christmas and for all intents and purposes you had been planning on mailing the present to Carmen’s New York address, but after visiting The Beef on your way back into town Mikey and Richie had let it slip that indeed the infamous Berzatto sibling would be gracing everyone with his presence this holiday season.

It was moments like these you wished you had picked up on the Berzatto family’s horrible smoking habit, thankfully your mom had taught you just how vital having functioning lungs was.

Your head shot up as the sound of loud rambunctious voices drew your attention to the front door opening and closing revealing a face you were all too familiar with and actually relieved to see. The oldest Berzatto brother stood on the porch, hands on his hips as he gave you a goofy smile. You could feel your lips stretching into a smile of your own, the infectious aura that Michael Berzatto exuded doing wonders to calm your racing mind.

“I know you didn’t come all this way just to stand outside staring at my family home like a fucking weirdo Baby.” Mikey’s smile grew in size as he teased you.

You rolled your eyes at the childhood nickname you wish hadn’t stuck as Mikey opened his arms to wrap you in one of his signature hugs. The two of you stood on the porch embracing each other for what felt like hours, you needed this hug as much as he needed it, you knew it and Mikey did too. That was the thing about you and Mikey although not blood-related it was as if your souls knew each other in a past life. Of the Berzatto siblings, Mikey was the last sibling you developed a relationship with. Growing up he was always just Carmy’s older brother but as you grew up surrounded by him, he became your surrogate older brother as well. And when Carmy dashed off to pursue his culinary dreams in New York, you and Mikey grew even closer.

You stepped back from the embrace, your eyes finding Mikey’s as he looked at you with a knowing glint in his eyes. “You not standing out here cause of a certain Chef in that house are ya?” Mikey asked, smirking down at you.

You chuckled “The only reason I come around anymore is for Mama Donna.” You joked doing a poor job to convince Mikey.

He nodded, tossing his head back with a laugh, “You were always a shit liar Baby. Carmy’s an idiot, don't let him ruin your Christmas.”

You let out a sigh head resting against Mikey’s chest as you tried to let his words soothe you even more, “He’s not ruining it, you just know things have been kind of stilted between us, and I don’t know this whole situation just feels awkward.”

You raised your head to look at Mikey again, “It’s awkward right? Am I making things awkward? I don’t wanna ruin Christmas Mikey, I know how your mom is and I know how Carmy is, I don’t wanna ambush him.”

The worry in your voice was evident as Mikey stood there listening to your ranting. His hand reached out as he used his thumb to massage away the frown between your eyebrows. “Calm down Baby, you know Ma is expecting you, and she wouldn’t take it well if you missed Christmas. She looks forward to seeing you every year, you give her a piece of Carmy when he can’t be fucking asked to come home and visit.” His hand moved down to cup the side of your neck rubbing soothing circles where his thumb rested, “Do it for Ma okay? Let Carmy be fucking wonder boy Carmy a’ight.”

You laughed nodding your head as best as you could with Mikey’s hand holding it, he smiled giving you one last hug before dropping his hand to grab your wrist and tug you into the house. You stopped him by placing a hand on his arm that was connected to yours.

“Hold on Mikey, I got you something.” You moved to start rummaging through your tote bag stalling because you were too nervous for his reaction to the present.

“Awe you didn’t have to get me nothing.” You turned back to him with the present in your hands as he held his own hands over his heart mockingly. You knew Mikey didn’t do well when it came to sentimental things and the best you would get out of him was a joke as opposed to anything else.

You laughed holding the rectangular wrapped present out to him, “I wanted to Mikey, don’t think of this as a gift, think of it uhh…as a show of appreciation yeah?” You nodded feeling your face heat up as you dropped your head so he couldn’t see how unsure you were about the gift.

He smiled, finding your shyness endearing before tearing into the neatly wrapped paper and revealing a frame, his hands engulfing it from end to end. He smiled looking at it before you saw confusion etch across his face, “This is great Baby, yeah but uh what the fuck am I looking at?”

You shove his shoulder before laughing at him and grabbing the frame out of his hands but holding it in front of your chest so he could still see its contents, “It's a trademark certification you dumbass, can’t you fucking read Mikey.” You joked to try and underestimate how big of a gift this was.

Mikey’s brows furrowed before he snatched the frame out of your hands to get a better look at the certificate sitting behind the glass, eyes snapping back up to your face with a look you couldn’t read. You shuffled your feet feeling like you overstepped a boundary you didn’t even know was between you and Mikey, “Don’t worry though I-I, put it in your name, it’s not like I trademarked it for myself or anything. I just know how much this means to you and I, I know shit has been tough lately and I’m sorry if you feel like I stepped on your toes but…Mikey, you deserve good things too okay?” You hadn’t meant to go on a rant, but you could feel the apprehension leaving you as you became passionate in every word you spoke.

“You deserve to be fucking happy Mikey, and I, I want you to know I fucking believe in you and I’m always in your corner. If it's-” You were cut off by Mikey clearing his throat, causing your eyes to snap back up to his, all the emotions he didn’t know how to translate into words swirling in his brown eyes, a small smile resting on his lips.

“Mikey-,” Before you could get another word out you were once again trapped in his comforting embrace, this hug conveying something completely different from the earlier one you shared. Mikey’s head tucked into your neck as you felt his uneasy breathing through your hands clutched around him. Mikey wasn’t the type to get emotional in front of other people, and feeling a tear of his smear against your cheek as he raised his head from your neck and settled his bearded cheek against yours, you weren’t sure if you had done the right thing by giving him the gift or not.

The two of you stood in silence as you allowed Mikey his moment, not wanting to make him feel insecure about you being present while he was being emotional. When he finally pulled away you could see the leftover sheen in his eyes. He tucked the framed certificate under his arm as both his hands reached up to grab your face in both of his hands, eyes finding yours, a whispered “thank you, baby,” leaving his lips as he placed a kiss on your forehead before he grabbed the frame again and wrapped you in another hug.

His head rested atop yours as your face rested against his chest, ear pressed against his beating heart. You lied, you thought the last hug was different, but no it was this hug that was different, while the second hug you shared in the span of 20 minutes was a hug of love and gratitude. This hug felt heavier, like there were things Mikey wanted to tell you but couldn’t, things he only felt he could convey through a hug, things you weren’t sure if you wanted to question or not.

It had been almost 20 minutes since Michael had escaped the house to do whatever the fuck it was he was doing outside. Carmy didn’t know and in all honesty he didn’t actually give a shit either, too busy helping Donna out in the kitchen to try to give any thoughts to whatever had grabbed Mikey’s attention.

He was focused in the corner of the kitchen making Tiff Sprite to help alleviate her nausea symptoms. Anyone else would have done their best to block out the rambunctious noises going on throughout the house, not Carmy though, the chaos fueled him, it grounded him. If the house was quiet it would have been too much for him, to be alone with his own thoughts ping-ponging around in his head, waiting for a chance to drown him. So if he had to listen to his mom list a plethora of things he needed to make sure happened for Christmas dinner to go off without a hitch while he was making Sprite from scratch, he welcomed it.

He finished his concoction just in time for Richie to walk through the kitchen, the older man trying to figure out how the fuck it was even possible to make Sprite from scratch. Gratefully taking the glass Carmy had offered to him, marveling at the carbonated drink in his hand.

Carmy nodded in his direction, “Yo Cousin, where the fuck is Mikey. He just fucking disappeared.” Carmy’s head swiveled around the kitchen double checking whether his brother was there or not, coming up empty in his search. Richie glanced up before settling his eyes back on the drink in his hand still doing the mental math to wrap his head around what the fuck Carmy just made.

Richie jutted his head in the direction of the front door, “Outside talking to Baby.” His eyes finally focused on Carmy’s in time to see the frown grace the younger man’s face, his eyebrows pinching together in agitation, annoyed that his brother was on a phone call rather than inside. Though that’s what Carmy told himself subconsciously he knew he was just annoyed at the fact that Mikey was even talking to you at all. Carmy didn’t think he was possessive but as you and Mikey grew closer through the years, he couldn’t help but feel miffed about the ever growing friendship between the two of you. You and your friendship with Carmy was the first thing in his life that he felt like was actually his and his alone.

It’s funny really for Carmy to think he has any sort of claim over you, or like the two of you were even really friends anymore. When he left Chicago to pursue his culinary dreams, he left you behind to, essentially ghosting the one real friend he did have. It’s not like he meant to, you two just went your separate ways after graduation, and he wasn’t even sure if there even was an “Us” when it came to the two of you anymore. If that was the case the only person he had to blame was himself, it was no fault of yours that your friendship had hit a plateau, Carmy hadn’t responded to a text of yours in years, and the fact that you still texted him to this day caused a slight pain in his chest as he stood in the middle of his mother’s kitchen, frown still etched into his features.

“He’s outside on the phone with Baby?” Carmy questioned the ache in his chest doing nothing to alleviate his irritation. It was Richie’s turn to frown reciprocating the same confused look Camry wore.

“What - No dickhead, he’s talking to Baby, like she’s right in fucking front of him and shit.” Richie swatted the side of Carmy’s head like a child. “Your moms invites her to every holiday, Cousin, and she comes every time.” Richie knew the last bit wasn’t necessary but felt Carmy rightfully deserved it, all anyone wanted from the youngest Berzatto was a visit.

“Dudes been out there for fucking ever though, those to idiots just standing outside like a bunch of fucking jackoffs.” Richie left the kitchen not waiting for Carmy to follow him before heading to the front door. He stopped moving the curtain on one of the side windows to spot two of the people he considered family. He let out a low whistle nudging Carmy’s shoulder who had finally joined his side nodding his head to the window.

“Get a load of these fucking losers hugging on the porch like they’re in some fucking Hallmark movie or some shit.” Richie laughed pointing at you and Mikey through the window. Carmy leaned closer to get a peak at what Richie was going on about.

Carmy hated to admit it, but Richie was right, the too of you looked like the happy couple who just saved a small town’s Christmas or whatever the fuck Hallmark movies were about. Mikey had finally separated himself from you long enough for Carmy to take in your features. He’d be lying if he said the years apart made him forget what you looked like. You were still the same girl he left in Chicago all those years ago except the wand of maturity had touched you, and in his opinion he thought you looked more beautiful than you had in high school.

Carmy was never one to pay too much attention to a woman’s features, and not because he didn’t care, it's just that he didn’t think it mattered. But as he drank in your form he learned in that exact moment why a woman might want people to notice the small things. Like the haircut you were sporting that Carmy felt shaped your face well, not that he knew shit about stuff like that, but he could appreciate art when he saw it. The outfit you picked out doing wonders to compliment your tall form and accentuate your legs. Carmy could look at you all day, scratch that he wanted to look at you all day.

He was torn from his reverie as Richie narrated the scene happening in front of them, “Aw look at these fuckers lookin all in love an shit.” He joked watching as Mikey slung his arm around you and led you towards the door, what looked to be a frame held in his other hand. The two of you walked side by side, your arm wrapped around his torso, hugging him into your side, Mikey’s head leaning slightly down to whisper something in your ear a small smile gracing your face as Mikey pressed his lips onto your temple lingering there for what Carmen swore was forever.

The tightness in his chest intensified tenfold as the realization of just how close you and Mikey had become sank into him. He didn’t know how to feel, his brain not even allowing any emotions to process, saving himself from any conclusions he might come to from a split second interaction.

Carmy left, he chose his path, he knew this, and he had no regrets he would pursue his dream every time the opportunity was presented. He just wished that, maybe if he held onto you as tightly as you still held onto him, it would’ve been him greeting you on the sidewalk on Christmas Day, being the sole object of your attention holding you close to his longing body. He knew overall the decisions he made regarding you were wrong, while he ignored your daily text and calls enough times for you to just resort to monthly check ins asking him about his endeavors and congratulations as you heard about his achievements in the culinary industry, he knew deep down that Mikey answered every text and call you sent his way, made it his mission to connect with you anytime you were back in Chicago.

Carmy couldn’t admit it to himself but deep down he knew his family saw spending time with you as a way to stay connected to him. You were the closest thing any of them still had to Carmy, and even though he had essentially cut you off from his life, his family loved you too much to allow Carmy’s shortcomings to affect their relationship with you.

He was broken from the recesses of his mind as Richie threw the door open stepping over the threshold raising his hands in the air to welcome you and Mikey into the house. The glass of Sprite still clutched in his left hand, a broad smile spread across his face as you left Mikey’s hold to greet Richie eyes not having spotted Carmy who was hidden behind Richie’s small frame.

Carmy’s first up close look at you in years were your hands wrapped around Richie’s torso as he pulled you into a hug, rocking the two of you back and forth, Richie let you go quickly turning his body back into the house “A’ight fuckers you can all stop pretending you care so much about Carmy and his little rat in the chef hat bullshit. We got the real deal here now, Baby's gracing us with her journalist presence.”

Carmy’s brows furrowed at Richie’s dig only slightly offended about being compared to a fictional character named after pasta, too caught up in allowing the sound of your laugh to grace his ears for the first time in what felt like forever. Mikey had finally caught up to you standing behind you with a hand placed on your shoulder, Carmy watched as his brother’s hand glided up and down your arm before giving your bicep a slight squeeze and nodding his head in Carmy’s direction.

If Carmy was being honest it was becoming increasingly difficult to quiet his mind that was eagerly trying to piece everything together. From yours and Mikey's prolonged moment on the porch, to the kiss he placed on your temple, add in Richie’s jokes and the almost constant physical contact between you and Mikey and Carmy was sure he figured shit out.

You looked to where Mikey motioned his head finally noticing Carmy’s figure standing there while Richie ran off towards the stairs after his impromptu introduction. Looking at Carmy was like being in a Time Machine, nothing had drastically changed, he looked more exhausted than what you remembered. But overall he was the same Carmy you parted ways with all those years ago.

A small smile graced your lips as you took him in, he was still your Carmy appearance wise, and right now for you that was all that mattered. You lifted your hand in a small wave gaining his attention, your smile growing wider as your eyes locked with his.

The clearing of a throat broke you from your thoughts, Mikey’s hand giving your shoulder a squeeze as he walked you two into the house before shutting the door behind him. As he finished he stood in front of you so that Carmy was partially covered from view by each brother in your line of vision though your focus was taken up by the eldest. He gave you a reassuring smile before gently knocking his fist against your chin and presumably turning to leave you and Carmy alone.

As Mikey walked past Carmy he gave him his signature grin and a wink before patting his shoulder as left to check on Donna in the kitchen and mingle with the other guests.

Carmy’s face was still set in the same frown it had been in when he first asked Richie where Mikey ran off to. You took a deep breath to settle your nerves before taking a step to close the gap between you, your hand reached out to gently squeeze Carmy’s arm though stopping in midair as you watched him subtly flinch. Your smile faltered, your hand finding its rightful place at your side. You looked up to see the apology in Carmy’s eyes, you did your best to brush the moment off, maybe you came on too strong, maybe it wasn’t fair that you were still pushing for a friendship when Carmy had given you all the reasons to stop trying, maybe the Carmy in front of you was a different Carmy to the one you used to know. Maybe the life where it was you and Carmy had finally taken its last breath and you were just too clingy and desperate to realize.

You cleared your throat trying to alleviate the lump forming from the thoughts that were racing through your brain. The small placating smile on your face there to stop you from having a full breakdown in the Berzatto’s foyer. “Its good to see you Carmen, I hope New York is treating you well.” You lips wrapped around the generic greeting forcing yourself not to say anything you might regret.

Carmy nodded his head rapidly accepting your lackluster words, his lips parting and closing all in the same breath. The man obviously had nothing to say to you, and maybe you just had to accept that. You stayed a moment longer cursing yourself for doing so as the air between you two filled with palpable tension.

“Baby, is that you? My goodness you look fucking gorgeous.” Half of Donna’s body had popped out of the kitchen finally gaining a spare moment to greet you. Her words mumbled through the cigarette between her lips, a ladle held in her right hand while the left was occupied by tongs. Her apron covered in all sorts of sauces and whatever the hell else your brain couldn’t even begin to discern.

You laughed half in amusement and half in relief, you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand there as Carmy burned holes in your body. You waved at Donna quickly, beginning to head towards her to join her in the kitchen. It wasn’t your first choice as an escape from Carmen but you’d rather try and help Donna finish preparing Christmas dinner than be around Carmy for another minute.

Donna waved the tongs in Carmy’s direction, “Jesus fucking Christ Carmen, take the girls bag and coat. Don’t just fuckin stand there.” She huffed eyes glaring the longer Carmen stayed glued to the spot. You handed him your tote as soon as his arm shot out and began hastily shimmying out of your jacket. You gave him a soft smile before laying the jacket on his awaiting arm.

You began to leave the foyer as Donna motioned for you to follow her, mentally preparing yourself for what you were about to walk into. A sudden thought occurred causing you to gently grip Carmy’s bicep as you were walking past him, “I uh, I actually bought you a Christmas present. So um, find me later yeah?” You smiled tilting your head slightly in questioning.

Carmen Berzatto graced you with a small smile, nodding back in agreement as you sent him one final nod and turned to enter the kitchen. The first positive emotion he granted you since you walked back into his life 30 minutes ago.

next chapter ↣

a/n: this is my first fic that i’m publishing and i genuinely have no clue what the fuck any of this is, : ) but nonetheless hope you all enjoy! or don’t i’m just a stranger on the internet. constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated though. please like, comment, reblog if this behemoth tickles your fancy!

also i write for fun/hobby and i'm such an inconsistent bitch so don't get your hopes too high, but this will potentially be a series idk yet though lol.

[cherryredstars]

First off, I love you.

Second off, I love you A LOT.

Okay so I’m losing my mind over a brain vomit where younger reader’s been harboring and hiding feelings for Miguel for the sake of being appropriate and it’s starting to make her frustrated like “fuck I’m gonna get actually fucking sick and vomit” because how much she’s crushing on him is CRAZY, so reader basically goes up to Miguel like “I can’t take this anymore.” Like reject me so I can move on type of thing. “ Do me a favor, and break my nose or something. Tell me to fucking go away” or something like that. My brain is burning.

Pairing(s): Miguel O'Hara x fem!reader, John Price x civil!reader

Warnings: Fluff

A/N: For my baby, I LOVE YOUUUUUUU!!!

Edited (just for you boo)

| Miguel O'Hara

If you look at him, you will actually throw up.

Like projectile 'make yourself a laughing stock' throw up. It's just the way your body- your stomach- reacts when you see him. It gets twisted, fluttery with a fix of butterflies and disgust. It's down right disgusting, inappropriate at the least. He's almost a decade older than you, yet here you are pining after him as if you're some teenage girl. You feel physically sick when you think about it for too long: throat contracting and your stomach hurting. You aren't sure which of your delusions are the cause of such a horrendous crush, but you promise you'll strangle it when you find out. There is simply no way this could have ever worked out in your favor. It's simply impossible.

Miguel O'Hara would never go for someone like you. Young and naive, haven't even reached the appropriate age to have a mid-life crisis (but you're sure this is the closest fucking thing to it). You know this, hammer it into your thick skull every day before you have to face him. Yet, it all comes crumbling down when you lay eyes on him. It takes less than a second for you to skip after him, a stupid, lovesick look flickering across your face as you help him with whatever he needs. You simply can't stay away, even if you tried. You always fall back into his orbit, gravity pushing you towards him until you're practically glued to him.

You're sure he must find it annoying. Probably relates it to something like babysitting. It's well known Miguel doesn't like to be bothered when he's working. But there you are without fail, sitting around on his platform entertaining yourself by playing with LYLA when you aren't out saving universes. You don't miss the way his eyes flick to you every now and then with some emotion you can't quite place. But if you had to guess, it's probably something close to exasperation.

In all honesty, you're tired of it.

Tired of the false hope you delude yourself into believing after every minor interaction. Tired of trying to justify your affection for the older man. Tired of feeling a bit of resentment towards yourself. You're just... tired. He must sense it when you walk onto the platform, judging by the look he shoots you.

LYLA is muted mid-sentence as he angles his body slightly away from his monitors and towards you, watching as you plop yourself in your usual spot. He waits expectantly for your usual greeting, brows furrowing with confusion when you do nothing but play with the elastic quality of your suit. You haven't even looked at him since you got in.

"Everything alright?" His all so familiar voice asks, making your stomach ache and the urge to punch yourself stronger.

"Yeah," you respond simply, silence lapping over the two of you.

Miguel waits patiently, expecting something more. But, you don't continue. Miguel hesitates for a moment before turning back around. His eyes study the screens once more, his finger hovering over the button to unmute LYLA before you speak up again.

"Can you like... degrade me or something?"

Miguel almost chokes on his spit when he turns around, not expecting you to say...that. You're still playing with your suit and staring at the floor, face painted with frustration. You look up when he doesn't answer, brows furrowed when your eyes meet his shocked face. You quickly divert your attention to his muscular shoulder, not really having the courage to face him head-on.

"Not like the... sexy kind. More like the heart wrenching kind." You clarify, not that it's any better for Miguel.

He turns to full face you this time, arms crossed over his chest as he studies you. The request doesn't really make sense to him. Why would you want him to do that? Is it some universe-exclusive culture he isn't aware of?

"Why?" Miguel asks, trying to recall your past interactions to see if they have something to do with your strange request.

"I dunno, just thought it might make it easier?" You shrug, your eyes flicking to his again and then looking towards the ceiling.

"Make what easier, exactly?"

Miguel isn't a fan of cryptic answers, but he tries to be patient with you. He watches as your face twists, unsure how to word what you're feeling. You let out a heavy sigh eventually, actually meeting his eyes and holding his gaze for once.

"To get over you."

The words cause Miguel to freeze, his body going rigid. You groan, hiding your embarrassed face in your hands and scrubbing ferociously. This is absolutely embarrassing. You wished a random portal would just appear under you, throwing you into another universe and far away from this particular moment in time.

You're so caught up in your embarrassment that you don't realize Miguel is walking over to you until he's crouched down in front of you. He pries your hands gently from your face, giving you the softest smile you have ever seen on him. His thumbs caress your wrists absentmindedly, doing nothing to calm your raging heart. It practically explodes when he leans closer, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. Your eyes are wide and dazed as you look up at him, trying to commit the curve of his mouth to memory.

"Now, why would I want you to do that?"

_____________

| John Price

You aren't exactly sure when it started.

But the moment you realized you liked John, you've started hating yourself. It feels wrong. Almost disrespectful in a way. You aren't particularly sure why, it just does. John Price is a nice man, a good man. A man that could be easily mistaken as your father if someone didn't look close enough. The man you had happened to meet and befriended one day after he had been so kind and gentle with you.

Not the man you should be liking and forcing your feelings on.

You're someone John goes to for comfort, someone he seeks out after coming home from a battlefield. Someone that's supposed to help him distress. The idea of taking advantage of that gently placed trust, of expecting something from John just because he goes to you for help, makes you want to throw up until you're nothing but a useless husk. It's shameful, eating you up on the inside until you feel like your organs are on the verge of failure.

So your solution: Avoid Johnathan Price like the plague.

Does it hurt seeing his texts flash across your phone screen, asking you if you're free throughout the week so he can spend time with you before he deploys again? Hell fucking yes. It makes you feel guilty as hell. But you try to justify it to yourself, reassuring that it's only temporary. That everything will go back to normal once these stupid feelings leave you alone and John Price goes back to being the sweet man you grab lunch with every now and then when he's home so you can catch up.

But of course, your plans never go accordingly.

You startle on your couch when there is a firm knocking on your door, your hands rushing to pause the telly to see if it was just a hallucination. But sure enough, that same steady knocking sounds again. You get up hesitantly, brows furrowed as you try to remember if you ordered take away or something. You peak through the peep-hole, hand planted on the cool wood of the door as you squint.

The alertness in your body dies away when the familiar frame of John greets you, only to tense up again. John Price is at your door. The same John price you've been avoiding for a week. The same exact John fucking Price you're practically in love with. Your hand slides down to the knob, gulping nervously as you unlock it and yank your door open.

John is standing there with his hand raised again to knock, decked out in his military gear. His hands drop to grip the strap of his vest, his mutton chops quivering as his face lifts into his soft smile. You blink up at him, feeling the knob warm under your hand and your heart slamming against your chest. Why did he have to be so handsome, goddamnit?

You step out of the doorway, silently inviting him inside. He accepts it, stepping in and examining the area out of habit. You close the door quietly after him, turning to face him as he turns to face you.

"Missed ya, love? Been busy lately?" He asks in that comfortingly rough voice of his.

You don't trust yourself to not choke on your words, scared he'll see through your lies. Instead you nod, letting out a weak hum that he returns in a more confident note. Your eyes drop down to his military gear, a frown slipping onto your face. Is he being deployed again?

As if sensing the underlying question, John's hands let go of his military vest and he stuffs them into the pockets of his tactical pants.

"Heading out tonight, just wanted to say goodbye before I go since I didn't get to see you this time around."

You feel a stab to your chest at his words, resisting the urge to lift your hand and smooth the pain.

"John..." You start hesitantly, your mouth going dry when he hums again. "Can you tell me you hate me? Or... or that you think I'm stupid or something?"

John tilts his head in confusion, brows furrowing as his lips thin. There is a silent question in your eyes, an aura of demand wafting from him that orders you to explain further. Your hand comes to rub your arm, socked heel digging into your ankle as you debate how much to tell him.

"It's just... I like you and I don't..." You sigh in frustration, turning your head away to glare at the wall. "I don't want you to think I'm trying to take advantage of how nice you've been to me or that I expect you to reciprocate how I feel."

It's quiet for a moment before John's chuckling fills the room. Your head turns away from the wall, meeting the sparkling amusement in John's eyes as he looks at you. There is a fondness there that makes your knees feel weak, your breath getting trapped in your lungs. John takes steady, reassured steps towards you, stopping when he's centimeters away. Your heart is practically lurching in your chest as you look up at him, watching as he slowly takes off his boonie hat.

Your eyes are wide as he places it over your head, chuckling when it slips down over your face before he readjusts it. He admires the sight for a second before he leans down, his facial hair tickling your cheeks as his lips press against the corner of your mouth. Your heart officially stops, your body dangerously close to swaying as he pulls away. You're in a daze as he pinches your cheek lightly, trying to call your attention away from the sparks lingering across your skin.

"We'll take about this when I get back, silly girl." He rumbles, his heavy paw landing on the top of his hat before he slips past you, closing and locking the door behind him as he disappears out of your flat. You're left in a daze as your shaky hands reach up and grasp the rim of his hat, the smell of him instantly invading your senses.

And when John reaches base and the lads pester him about where his usual hat is, he just shakes his head and replies that he left it at home for safe keeping.

[averydayss]

Every Summertime𓇼

>>contents: in which you try to make Jay jealous by persuading his bestfriend, Sunghoon

>>warnings: fluff, angst

>>now playing: Every Summertime - NIKI

You and Jay are inseparable, the both of you always had been together since the earliest of moments. This started when both of your moms are close friends, which means you two often meet during their hangout.

Jay's mom has a vacation house that they use every summer, and every year your invited to stay during the summer break. And of course you did, so y/n and jay would stay in the vacation house together

At the age of 10, you started to realize that you had developed some feelings for jay. The reason being obvious, Jay was anything a girl could ever wish for. Handsome, kind, smart, sporty, rich, he is a heartthrob in school

Jay didn't liked you that way though, in his eyes you were a little sister to him since he was an only child. Although both did had a situationship for a couple of months, nothing happened though

That didn't really bother you though, after all you both still spent time almost everyday together.

Jay had his fair share of crushes, you did too. But they never really went as far as being more than that, until at the age of 16 Jay had his first real girlfriend, Yujin.

Yujin and Jay met at one of his basketball games and eventually their relationship bloomed into something romantic

"y/n i have some good news for you" Jay said excitedly. "Really? What is it?" Y/n asked curiously.

"Me and Yujin are officially dating" Jay said

Y/ns heart shattered at the new couple. At first Jay and y/n still was close and Jay even told y/n a lot of stories and things he liked about yujin, which you didn't really want to hear but you did anyway for Jay

One day, you were with Danielle. You both were shopping for clothes and bags, and you suddenly saw Yujin kissing a stranger who doesn't look like Jay at all

Isn't that Yujin?" asked Winter. "Yes i think so"

"You should take a picture so you have proof to tell Jay" said winter. You listened to her and took a picture at the sight

After you were done shopping, you went straight to Jay's house. "Jay, i need to tell you something" said y/n while pulling out her phone and showing the picture. "Your lying, its edited. Yujin would never do that, just be happy for me y/n" said Jay

As time went on though, you noticed that Jay was starting to act quite differently. When you would tag along ur mom to go to his house, he would usually invite you to his room to watch movies and play games. But now he would lock himself in his room until you left.

You wanted to confront him at school, but he would always be with yujin. Yujin always had this evil smirk everytime she sees you. You can tell she didn't want you to be close with Jay anymore

Finally, the chance came when both you and Jay's mom decided to have a small gathering at your place, and Jay was forced to tag along. You took this opertunity to approach him and try to strike up a conversation

"Hey we haven't talked much lately, are you good?" Y/n said. "I'm fine" Jay said shortly, not even looking at you but his phone.

"it's going to be summer break soon you know, are you excited to go to your vacation house together?" You emphasized the last word

"Of course, but this year Yujin asked to come along with us. Is that good with you? You can bring someone too if you want" Jay asked. You were shocked, you wanted to refuse. But after all this is Jay's vacation house. "Why not" you said and excused yourself to find someone else to talk to

By the end of the day when the party is over you rushed to your room to call your friends about it. You told them the problem

"Really? That's so inconsiderate of him" said Chaewon on the phone while painting her nails

"If i were you i wouldn't let that slide" Said Danielle. "I know right!, you should bring some man to make him jealous or smth" said Hanni. "You think i should do that?" Y/n asked. "Yeah, if only you 3 would be in the vacation house then you would obviously be the 3rd wheeler" said Danielle

At first you were against the idea, but the more you think about it the more you started to feel like it would work. But a problem is that who would you pick?

You'd pick Soobin, but he already has a girlfriend. You simply can't do that to someones man. A bright idea came into danielles mind though, Sunghoon. He was a perfect candidate

To start off, he was Jay's best friend, he was also single. But you two never really talked to eachother, sure Jay introduced you both a couple of times but you weren't close to him. Still you wanted to try

Y/n: Hey sunghoon! can we meet up? I want to talk to you about something xx

Sunghoon: Sure, why not

Y/n: Lets meet tomorrow at EnCafe at 2pm?

Sunghoon: of course, see you there

You were surprised on how quickly the man agreed, but this was a good thing,

The next day came by, and when you entered the cafe you found Sunghoon. "Hey, how have you been?" Sunghoon had always liked of y/n since they first met. But he never approached y/n since she was always with Jay

"Hey sunghoon, I've been good what about you?" Y/n asked. "Ive been good, what is it that you wanted to talk about?" Asked Sunghoon

"Well Jay has a girlfriend and you know how me and him usually go to his vacation house every summer? Well he is bringing his girlfriend too this year, i was wondering if you'd come along with me this year so i don't feel like a third wheeler?" Y/n asked with pleadingly

"Sure, are you sure Jay is good with this though?" Sunghoon asked excitedly. "He told me i can bring someone so im sure he is good with you invited, besides you two are close" said y/n. "Well then see you soon" Sunghoon asked while trying to contain his smile wider. And with that you found someone

And with that, summer break came in a flash. Now you were currently packing your suitcase to stay at Jay's vacation house for the summer. You were glad that sunghoon came along so you would still have fun after all.

Sunghoons contact name appeared on your phone, he texted you that he would be picking you up with his new car. You smiled at the message and answered.

When the two of you arrived at the vacation house, Jay was cooking beef at the kitchen while Yujin was busy taking photos to post on her socials.

You and Sunghoon went to unpack. The vacation has about 4 bedrooms, perfect for all 4 of you. Jay texted you that he planned a pool party at his vacation house tonight and told you to join.

When u appeared outside of your room, you saw that Yujin's friends are also staying at the vacation house. Great. You were about to ask Jay about it, of course you were. Jay didn't say anything prior to this

Though the first thing you saw was Jay and Yujin making out by the pool. Gross, you thought. You didn't want to admit it but a part did break in you.

At the same time, Sunghoon saw the commotion and saw your helpless face and decided to approach you

"the others are having a bbq grill thingy, care to join" asked Sunghoon

"No im good, ill just go back to my room"

"U like him right?" Asked Sunghoon suspiciously. Y/n was shocked but tried to keep a straight face. "What makes you think that?" Asked y/n

"Its obvious, you always give Jay love eyes everytime you see him" shrugged sunghoon. "I really dont think its any of your concern" said y/n

"Are you kidding me? Ofcouse it is. First you invited me to the stupid vacation house and now your completely distracted with Jay and his GIRLFRIEND" said Sunghoon angrily

"I didn't mean it that way, i just have a lot on my mind right now" said y/n while massaging her temple

"of course you don't" said Sunghoon sarcastically while storming off

The next day you both avoided eachother, you wanted to apologize but you didn't know how to

"So, you and Sunghoon? That's certainly a surprise" asked Jay while leaning on to the fridge after taking his sprite. "Yeah, i guess so"

"Sunghoon has been kinda off these past few days, did anything happen?" Asked Jay. "We just got in a little fight, nothing serious" said y/n

"do you like him?" Asked Jay. "Why does it matter? I don't think its ur business" asked y/n rudely

"Calm down, i was just curious. Why are you so angry?" Said jay. "Of course i am, i wasn't informed that your girlfriend and her minions will be staying at the vacation house" said y/n angrily

"Princess you know i would have informed you, i was just busy with school" you winced at the old nickname. "Sure you are, im gonna find sunghoon" said y/n

Y/n walked through the hallways and approached sunghoon who was busy reading a book. Sunghoon saw y/n at the door frame and raised one of his eyebrow.

"I wanted to apologize for the things i said a few days ago, im sorry I didn't mean it that way" y/n apologized. "You know I've always liked you, but you were to focused on a guy that already had a girlfriend

"I know, i can't help it that i love him Sunghoon" said y/n bitterly. "You know i can help you with that right? Just be with me and ill make your time worth" said Sunghoon

"Sunghoon, i really don't want to make you a rebound" said y/n. "Just give me a month to prove your time worth it" said Sunghoon pleadingly

"Its fine, you don't have too" said y/n trying to hide her smile. Sunghoon smiled and kissed her temple

A few months went by and Sunghoon kept his promise, he was the best boyfriend you could ever asked for. Caring, sweet, and much more. You couldn't have asked for anything more.

During that one month you weren't as close to Jay than before, he tried to contact you but you would always make excuses

Then one day Jay asked to meet at a cafe, you wanted to refuse but he kept begging until you said yes

"Its been a while" Jay said while sipping his coffee. "What do you want to talk about Jay?" Asked y/n

"Me and Yujin broke up, i found out her real intentions of dating me. Im sorry" said Jay. "You didn't do anything wrong, you don't have to apologize" said y/n while fidgeting her fingers

"I was wondering if you want to be my partner for prom? I've known you for so long and if im gonna be honest you looked prettier than you've ever been this past months

"Thanks Jay, but i already said yes to sunghoon's invitation to prom" said y/n

"I don't get it? I thought you liked me? Why are you now close to sunghoon?"

"Sunghoon's nice, incase you didn't know we are dating" said y/n and stood up from her seat and left the cafe

Since that day y/n blocked Jay and lived a happy life with Sunghoon

💳: divider: @snoozebin Other pictures are from pinterest, credits to all the owners

A/N: Send an ask to be moots

[yeosangs-horizon]

Silhouette (Wooyoung x neighbor!Reader)

Genre: Neighbors -> Lovers | Fluff & Smut Word Count: 4.2k Member: Wooyoung | Group: Ateez Warnings: smut, fem!reader Author's Note: Oops I haven't posted an Ateez fic in ages, hi!! I've had this one cookin in the drafts for a year and never felt like it was good enough to post till now, I hope you enjoy. I've had intense Ateez brain rot recently again. I've also been enjoying writing longer fics with more plot/lore so expect more of that :^)

Your neighbor was quite peculiar, always turning up his music just before your bedtime and going out wearing a black face mask and a hat that shielded his identity. You had never confronted him before, the closest you got was thumping on the wall that connected your room to his when he was playing his music too loud and he seemed to get the hint. You were getting ready to take the trash out when you heard the music playing again, it was the third day in a row and you had an early day at work the next day. 

Grumbling to yourself, you recounted the tasks you had to complete by the end of the work day, knowing that you had to finish your portion of editing a music video for the entertainment company that you worked with. You opened the front door, trash in hand as you strolled by your boisterous neighbor’s apartment. 

You glanced in, curious as to what he was doing with music blasting at such late hours. You saw a tall silhouette moving to the rhythm in sharp and fluid motions. You stood there for perhaps a bit too long, gazing at the mesmerizing motions of your neighbor. 

Noticing that he turned his head and the music had stopped, it snapped you out of your trance as you saw the figure come up to the window that you were staring at. You saw a trace of his red locks before you dipped and ran down to the dumpster on the first floor, feeling embarrassed that you were seen. The thought of you confronting him to turn his music down went out the door after the events that night. 

The next couple nights were quiet, you were accustomed to the muffled rock songs that were playing by this point that you found the silence a bit lonely. You had forgotten your phone charger in your car so you forced yourself to grab your keys and make a quick trip to the parking lot to grab your charger. 

A gust of wind found itself blowing past your face as you huddled to yourself, but not before turning your head to your neighbor’s window and seeing the silhouettes again, this time of two figures standing in the middle of the living room. You turned your gaze away before making your way down to the parking lot as you heard the door to your neighbor’s flat open. You searched around in your car and snatched your charger before walking back up the stairs. 

“Good practice today San, get back safe!” you heard the voice call out. 

“Thanks Woo, get some rest!” the other man’s voice rung out. You briefly made eye contact with the man with a duffel bag in hand as you made your way up the stairs. 

You found yourself gazing at your neighbor, the one with red locks, the silhouette you were staring at a couple nights ago. 

“Oh hey there! You’re my next door neighbor right? Sorry if my music has been bothering you, I’m Wooyoung!” he beamed, holding his hand out. You were taken aback by his forwardness.

“Don’t worry about it. You always manage to turn it down by the time I go to sleep for some reason, so I didn’t bother confronting you,” you spoke out, telling him your name whilst taking his hand in a firm shake. 

“Sorry for uh, staring at you through the window the other night,” you admitted. 

“Ah that was you? I got worried it was some stalker that got a hold of my address…” 

“Does that happen often?” you inquired, wondering more about your mysterious neighbor. Perhaps that would be why he always went out shielding his identity. 

“You could say so, with my profession,” he vaguely hinted. 

“You’re a dancer or choreographer or something of the sort? You looked… really good from that night,” you blurted out, realizing you may have been a little too forward you took a step back. He chuckled and shrugged.

“You could say that. Sorry if I haven’t been too welcoming, I know I moved here a month ago but never got a chance to introduce myself.” 

You felt a bit bad for misjudging a nice character just because he blasted music in the evenings. 

“No worries! I also dance a bit in my spare time but I’m nowhere near as good as you,” you continued. A gust of wind in that moment made you shiver a bit, wanting to get inside, but also wanting to continue to talk to your neighbor. 

“I’d love to see sometime. Ah also let me get your number, it’s always good to have that connection with the people you live closest with!” Wooyoung beamed.

With shaky hands you typed in your number in his phone. “Have a good night Wooyoung!” you called out as you slipped back inside your place. 

Not only was your neighbor mysterious, he was also very attractive and looked somewhat familiar, but you couldn’t place your tongue on it. Wanting to let lose a bit, you grabbed your speakers and picked your favourite song to dance to, ‘Snapping’ by Chung Ha. 

You had memorized the choreo and the conversation you just had with Wooyoung had reminded you that you wanted to practice on your dances again as some of your girlfriends had mentioned that they wanted to get a dance cover group together. You got into the groove of things, moving your body to the beat as you heard a notification on your phone. 

‘Snapping, good song choice, it’s Wooyoung btw, not some weird stalker lol.’ 

You laughed to yourself for a second before turning the volume down, not wanting it to be your turn to be the asshole of a neighbor.

It was a stressful day at work as the deadline to the music video you were tasked with working on was coming to a close. After you would have somewhat of a break and then be put on another project with the cycle repeating itself over and over again. Your thoughts trailed back to your neighbor, as you stared at the music video you were working on. 

You were lucky enough to work at a well known entertainment company, being able to stare at the talented idols that your company manages was a highlight to your day. Your inspiration and love for dancing also came from them. 

You tilted your head, idol… was Wooyoung a part of a group or an upcoming soloist? You kept up with older groups so you had no idea about the newer generation of idols. You shook the thought of your head, perhaps you could ask him later on down the line. Although you didn’t have any direct line of communication with the idols your company manages, you could imagine how invasive fans and even strangers could get about their profession. 

It had been about a month or so since your run in with Wooyoung. The two of you had been texting occasionally and making small talk when you saw him in the hallways, needless to say you grew quite fond of his presence within that time. You found yourself anticipating when the next time you’d see hoping to get any excuse to talk to him when you’d step outside. 

You found that other than dancing, you had other common interests with him such as tending to plants or cooking and experimenting with recipes. You’d sometimes get a whiff of his cooking when you’d crack open the window for some fresh air in the morning. 

Most of your conversations were initiated by him texting you, ‘hey did you hear that noise?’ or ‘was that you hitting the wall?’ He was silly to say the least and you were a little surprised to see him standing in front of your door when you came home from work that day. 

“I texted you but you didn’t respond, but I wanted to see if you wanted some cupcakes. It was one of my member-- I mean coworker’s birthdays at my company and we had a lot of extras!” He asked cheerfully, holding out a plate of sweets in front of him. 

“That’s very sweet of you Wooyoung, sure!” You replied, exhausted from a day’s worth of editing and wanting a snack anyway. 

“Wait, if you’re not busy, you could come in?” he suggested. 

Why not? You shrugged and turned towards him, “I’m down, anything to get my mind off of this deadline at work.” You slipped your shoes off, following him into his couch and coffee table. 

The layout was the same as yours, but the place looked minimalistic and very modest. You turned your head and gazed at the speakers that were the culprit of the noise that you had once complained about. 

“Oh yeah, my speakers have been busted so that’s why it’s probably been quiet for you,” he chuckled. 

“Damn, sorry about your speakers,” you apologetically replied. 

“It’s cool, I’ve been using my phone for music but don’t worry, more speakers are coming in soon,” he grinned. You took a bite of the cupcake Wooyoung had offered you and smiled into the sweetness. 

“Thanks for these by the way,” you mumbled through your bite. He rested his hand on his cheek, staring at you sweetly. 

“I saw you dancing the other night too, you were pretty good,” he mused. You almost choked on the cupcake. 

“I didn’t watch on purpose, you didn’t close your curtains but I’d know that choreo from anywhere, it was Blackpink’s Kill This Love right?” 

You nodded, feeling a bit flustered from being exposed like that. “Yeah um, some of my friends and I wanted to get a cover group together sometime so I was just practicing,” you sheepishly replied. 

“Y’know the guy you walked passed that night that we started talking? He’s my main dance buddy, we practice and hype each other up all the time. If you need anybody at a hand’s reach, I’m here,” he grinned. 

He was a professional and he was offering you a chance to learn from him? 

“Maybe I’ll take you up on that offer sometime,” you replied back, letting your gaze meet his. 

This was the first time you had the chance to stare at his face without it being awkward. His dimples are adorable, you thought, letting yourself admire his features. A sudden hand on your face pulled you out from your trance as you felt Wooyoung’s finger slide across the corner of your lip.

“Sorry you had frosting there,” he mumbled, removing his hand from your cheek, the warmth still lingering there. 

You gazed down, feeling warmth arise to your cheeks and smiled to yourself. “Thanks, uh, one of my friends really wanted me to learn the choreo to a song that I thought was really difficult, if you wanted to help me with it. I haven’t started but the dance practice looked intimidating,” you spoke out. 

You felt his gaze on you as he spoke, “Of course, which song is it?”

“Hala Hala by Ateez. The music video looked cool but the choreo seemed intimidating so I’ve been putting it off. I wish I could incorporate the editing style in that music video in my work, but my skills are nothing compared to those editors,” you sighed

You trailed your eyes to Wooyoung after your train of thought stops to see him staring at you with his jaw a bit agape. “Yeah sure, of course. I um, know that dance really well don’t worry!” He exclaimed, trying to hide his shock. 

“Does Sunday work for you? I can’t do tomorrow since I got a work thing,” he gestured vaguely. You nodded. 

“I am indebted to you Wooyoung, I should study the choreo a bit and let you know the more difficult parts to make your life a little easier,” you laughed. You felt him tense up a bit across from you. 

“You haven’t studied the choreo at all before?” he asked. 

“Not much, I was only shown the performance music video like once from my friend,” you shrugged. 

“Thanks for having me over by the way, I gotta do some chores back next door but I’ll be seeing you Sunday!” you smiled as you got up from your seat. Wooyoung seemed a bit tense as he sent you off through the doorway. 

“‘Course, see you Sunday…” He was a bit nervous if you would make the connection that he was with Ateez. Any sensible person would put two and two together with the amount of information he slipped out to you already and the fact that you knew his face. 

He hoped that you wouldn’t react badly or sabotage him in anyway, he had developed some sort of feelings for you as your love of music and dance had captivated his attention and you were just as adventurous as him. 

As night rolled around, you were finished with cleaning your apartment and were sat at your desktop ready to relax and study the choreo for Hala Hala as you said you would for Wooyoung. You had heard of Ateez here and there, but you didn’t know any of the members much less their names and what they looked like. 

All you knew was that your friend was obsessed with the song and to do a cover of this song with her dance group was her dream. You clicked on the music video as you saw the members in their outfits popping up one by one. 

You took in their accessories and appearance as they flashed by on screen, suddenly a familiar face popping on screen. You blinked twice and had to rewind. Wooyoung, your neighbor? No way… you thought, as you kept on staring at the face on screen. 

All this time you had thought that he was just a backup dancer for a group or something of the sort, although him being an idol ran through your mind as well. You decided you’d ask him about it sometime later as you started to note down parts of the choreography. 

Sunday had rolled around quickly with no texts from Wooyoung. You had hoped that he was still available and it wasn’t like him to not send you texts. You had been accustomed to texting him replies of the random messages he sends. You hadn’t heard from him even as you were practicing with the music a little louder than usual the night before. You shrugged it off as you stepped outside to knock next door. 

“Wooyoung?” you called out, after knocking a couple times. It took a minute or so, but you were about to head back into your place as the door opened. 

“Hey, sorry about that I was um… cleaning,” he smiled. In truth, he knew you were at the door but was a bit nervous to see you again knowing his identity might be spoiled. He decided he had to come clean. 

He let out a sigh as he spoke, “Listen I…” 

“Can I ask--” the two of you spoke at once. 

He let out a stifled laugh as you walked into his flat. “I wanted to come clean um…” he started. His nervous energy confirmed what you were thinking about. 

“I know Woo, don’t worry. Everything’s still the same between us if you want it to be, I mean I work for an entertainment company so I’m aware of the stress that idols go through. I genuinely didn’t know you were part of a group until recently,” you stammered. 

He let out a sigh of relief. “Thanks for not being crazy about things, I was afraid you’d resent me or leak my address or something,” he mumbled. 

“You guys are humans too, plus I just wanted to add you looked so cool in Hala Hala and I may have been listening to some of your other songs,” you gushed. 

“Makes sense as to why you’d blast music and practice at that time, you work so hard. Don’t worry I haven’t been stalking you online either, I wanna get to know you genuinely,” you smiled. 

“In that case, let me teach you to master the choreo to my song then,” he beamed. You gazed at the openness of his living room, furniture pushed back to the back of his apartment, taking in the new speakers as well. 

“They finally arrived huh? I can be back to listening to your music at ungodly hours of the night,” you jokingly nudged him. 

“Maybe I’ll turn it up just for you,” he grinned, turning the speakers on and putting his song on. 

You had shown him a couple parts that you had picked up the other night, but you fumbled during the chorus and ended up tripping on yourself and falling onto his hardwood floor face first. “Yeah, the chorus was definitely what was intimidating,” you groaned. 

“Shit you okay?” Wooyoung rushed to your side and held out his hand. You nodded as you slipped your hand in his, using his weight to hoist yourself back up. 

“Let me show you how we did it,” he offered, stepping next to you. 

“So when we approach the ground, it’s a slow descent and keep your weight balanced in the middle to keep yourself from falling,” he gestured, showing you the move again. “And when you pop back up, do it lightly or else you’ll have a lot of neck pain, take it from me,” he chuckled. 

You grinned at his enthusiasm for you to learn the choreography, taking in his words and repeating the motions that he eagerly showed you. “Was that it?” you asked, gazing around for him. You felt his hands wrap themselves around your arm to readjust their position at the ending pose. 

“There…” he mumbled behind you. “Now that’s perfect,” he smiled, letting you relax your position. “You dance really well y’know? I’m glad I got to see it up close this time,” he grinned. 

You felt flustered at his compliments, coming from someone who was way more trained than you were. “You’re too sweet Woo,” you breathed out, feeling a bit tired and sweaty from practice at this point. 

“I’ll get you some water, we can take a break for now,” he gestured. 

You nodded, catching your breath and letting yourself slump on his couch that was now pushed back against the wall. A minute later he plopped down beside you with a glass of water. You gulped down the hydration as you noticed his gaze on you again. 

You put the glass down and met his gaze, he was smiling at you as he always did when the two of you had a rare moment like this, you felt the flutter in your stomach again as you heard his soft spoken voice. 

“You’re really gorgeous when you dance.” 

You blinked twice, sure that you were daydreaming. 

“Wait what?” 

“I’m serious, you have good rhythm and flow, and not to mention… you’re so pretty,” he confessed.

You felt flustered as he let his gaze linger on you. You weren’t sure when the distance between the two of you got closer but you knew when it closed as he pressed his lips on yours. Truth was, he had been pining for you for awhile and after realizing he could trust you and that his identity was safe with you, he let his feelings take over. 

You let yourself melt into his kiss and soon his touch that enveloped you in a hug. His lips were soft against yours and he didn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss when your mouth parted open. He put his weight against you and pretty soon, you were laying down as he was on top of you, taking in your taste as his digits intertwined with yours. 

“Mm Woo,” you mumbled against his kiss. He pulled back, a bit afraid that he had gone too far to fast. 

“The curtains, people can see,” you breathed out, eyes still hooded. 

“Shit we don’t want that happening again,” he cursed before he closed the curtains, leaving the room a bit dim and nice for the atmosphere that was to come. 

“You’re okay with this yeah?” he mumbled, wanting more of you. You nodded, 

“Yes Woo, please…” you exhaled. He brushed his lips against your cheek before planting a kiss there. 

“Thank god, I’ve wanted you so bad. You’re so hot…” he whispered to you. His breathiness went straight to your core as you squirmed in your arousal. 

“Guess your dancing just does something to me,” he teased before pressing his lips back onto yours. 

He let himself grind his hips on you, relieving you of the ache that you had been missing from your core as you felt his length hardening against his cargo pants. You tilted your head back in pleasure as he started to trail his kisses from your jaw down to your collarbone, still grinding his hardness against your arousal. 

“I want to… feel you,” you managed to breath out. 

You managed to shimmy your pants off with ease as he kicked off his cargo pants. You also got your shirt over your head to toss to the side, even with his touch and kisses around your neck. Wooyoung trailed his hand down to your core, feeling the arousal soaking through your panties. 

“So excited… and all for me hm?” he teased, pressing his finger onto your aching core. 

“Yes Woo,” you moaned out. 

You felt his cock twitch in the confines of his boxers. He quickly stripped off the remainder of his shirt and undergarments. You gazed at his defined muscles, droplets glistening as a reminder of your dance practice now turned into an intimate waltz with one another. You gazed down to see the length of his hardness, now dripping with precum as a result from his arousal. You did your best to kick off your panties as your own arousal ached for him. 

“So pretty…” he mumbled, taking in your form. 

He leaned down to cup his mouth over your breast as he let his cock slide around your folds before finally slipping himself inside you with ease. You let out a stifled whimper as he stretched out your hole. It had been awhile since you had any action but  that didn’t mean that you didn’t have fun by yourself once in awhile, and recently it had been to the thought of Wooyoung. He was attractive nonetheless but you never thought you’d be in this position. 

“Fuck love,, I won’t last if you’re this tight,” he breathed out. Your core clenched around him as an affect of his words to you. 

You let your hands trace his defined figure, taking in his beauty and his red locks that fell inches away from your face. You felt him move and slowly start to thrust in you. He planted kisses on your breasts, even taking the time to suck a love mark onto one. 

You let out a breathy moan as he continued to thrust in and out of you, slowly increasing his pace. You instinctively wrapped your legs around his torso, wanting to feel more of him. You let out a sharp hiss of pleasure as you felt him bottoming out inside of you. 

“Woo… mm, you feel so good…” you moaned. He quickened his pace as your core clenched around him. 

“God you’re so hot like this,” he breathed out, his eyes lustful as he gazed upon your naked form below him. You let your hips take reign as you bucked up to meet his pace. 

“Woo I’m so… close,” you whimpered. 

“Finish for me,” he whispered in a deeper voice. 

That was enough to send you over the edge as your core spasmed around his hardness. You felt him twitch inside of you before he let out a high pitched moan and spilled into you, rocking himself into you to chase the high. 

“Shit, I um, didn’t mean to do it inside of you,” he stammered, feeling shameful of his actions. 

“Wait Woo I should have said something earlier but I’m protected, on the pill so don’t worry. I should have still said something earlier though!” 

You reassured him, running your fingers through his locks as you gazed lovingly at him. He let out a sigh of relief as he slowly slipped out of you. “Some dance practice we had today right?” You chuckled. 

“One that leaves me to clean up my couch,” he laughed along with you. 

You let yourself relax into his touch as he placed an arm around you, pressing a kiss onto your temple. “What does this make us?” you asked. 

“Anything you want it to be, but I should have asked you out on a date before this…” 

“Well I mean our actual dance practice could have been our date,” you giggled at his realization. 

“Let me take you out on a real one then. I like you a lot!”

[rxzennia]

echoes from afar

– tales of the voracity pathstrider

✎𓂃 your friends… they call for you. this was from a few version updates ago, but i've been mad busy and unmotivated these days… :( lore with a sprinkle of aventurine. a very, very tiny sprinkle. so i thought i could get this up last week. i am a clown. also, samsung's one ui 6 is so ugly (edit: i got used to the ugly ui. still doesn't quite like it, though. but i got used to it enough to tolerate it). 

→ part ii (wip? deciding. lmk if a sequel sounds cool.)

you didn't think you'd hear your own species ever again. oroboros is somewhere in the universe, qlipoth was probably keeping them out of where civilizations are, and the rest are all either dead or scattered. but here you are, hearing distant screeches from a star system lightyears away from yours, the sound slowly getting closer, closer, closer.

the war between aeons seems inevitable now that you've walked the land amongst mortals, seen their strife, and tasted the ever-so-familiar touch of entwining paths heralding the conflict. the longer you spend living, masquerading as someone who will someday die, you see the violent undercurrents under every calm ocean, as if everything is running on a countdown.

of course, you will never truly understand any of that; time has never been a limited resource for you.

you can almost hear the screeches of your own kin right by your ear

but you know, clear as day, that there's only you on the balcony right now

you're alone on the balcony of aventurine's bedroom, your boss snoring away comfortably cuddled up to his cats

you haven't been able to sleep for a while

not since you've heard the first cry of a leviathan in literally ages

leviathans seldom communicate with one another, so why would they suddenly reach out now?

and you were fairly certain that oroboros is the only other one left

well, the only one that's still actively doing who-knows-what somewhere, anyways

either what you're hearing is the lingering cries of those who are already gone

or you're delusional and you're hallucinating

aventurine doesn't seem to notice your absence, probably because of his abundance of things to cuddle with apart from your person. a good thing, you suppose, because your chronically stressed boss needs his beauty sleep.

you don't intend to drag anyone into your worries. it's nothing you can't handle alone – or, rather, it's not something mortals can handle, even with an organization as robust as the ipc. your existence, your true descent of a dusk leviathan, your connection to the aeon of voracity, none of which are burdens your companions should bear. 

it's these quiet moments when your kin raises their voices and sing in your ears

no, scrap that poetic shit, more like screech in your ears

they recognize prey, they recognize a hunting ground, a free-for-all

it's only natural, you suppose, lest predators start to devour each other in hunger

they're trying to locate you, the sound echoing, bouncing back, as they seek out food

"i'd strongly advise against doing that," you mumble, patting your scarf idly, as if you can't be bothered to care

they're not too far from where your true form slumbers, it seems, and it's easier than a cakewalk to force them into submission

and yet, you cannot locate them

you have their general location, but you can't pinpoint their exact coordinates

you try again, and again, until you come to a realization

they're dead a long time ago; there is nothing for you to find

their wails echo into nothingness, a void that is even more empty than oroboros's stomach

by the time you realize the purpose of these ancient cries, your true form is already stirring from its slumber. in all its majesty, its maw parting to split heaven and hell, until it swallows the carcasses of your kin, until it slithers through the stars, seeking out its next meal.

for the first time in the entire two thousand amber eras of your "existence", you feel hungry. famished, even, and it is a strange feeling.

have you gotten too accustomed to the mundane?

have you been domesticated?

quite some good questions, actually

how long has it been since you've actually allowed yourself the pleasure of devouring planets?

far too long

but it's wrong to eat civilizations

it's wrong to put an end to so many histories and futures because you were feeling peckish

it doesn't even actually "fill" you, so that's just triple the wrong

well, by the textbook definition of wrong, anyways

you don't really understand, but you know the general consensus of "eating people bad"

but your stomach yearns for the familiar feeling of life in its void

you turn around to take a peek at the peacefully sleeping man in the bed, safely tucked away in the blankets

a perfect prey right there, defenseless and unsuspecting

it would be so easy to just gobble him up without anyone noticing

and you could slip away just as easily

your entire profile is fabricated – you can always just make another "you" elsewhere 

but you find yourself extremely reluctant to even wake your extension coiled around the oddly-shaped cats

you find the trust that mortals impart upon you a gift of most intrigue

it is such a fragile, precious thing, and yet they offer it to you freely

especially this man who you serve as an assistant…

aventurine. 

it isn't even his real name, but you find yourself mouthing the syllables again and again. this man who is bestowed the title of a gemstone, wielding the power of the amber lord who strives to protect mortals from your kind like you're some sort of eldritch horror, yet also the one who has you wrapped around his finger.

and you're one of the select few he holds close to his heart. against all odds, he had let you into his heart, see his wounds and scars, and trusts you with all of them. he might act the way he does, but you know how delicate he is underneath all that bravado.

out of curiosity, you try to move the leviathan amongst the pile of limbs, sheets, and felines

as you expected, it doesn't want to answer

it seems that your body doesn't want to act on any malicious intents

you really did get domesticated… 

oh, aeons, it'll come back and bite you in the ass someday, won't it?

even if you have no qualms about eating anything that's not intelligent 

like monsters and stuff

but still

you shouldn't have developed aversion to devouring entire persons

…

it is what it is, you suppose

but holy fuck, those screeches from galaxies away just would not stop

"fucking oroboros, shut the hell up already," you groan, pulling up your scarf to muffle your complaints, "i'm not eating anyone here."

if there was someone behind all this pestering, you definitely would've gone and beaten them up. but. but. there's no one behind this. none that you can think of.

unless it really is oroboros themselves, which you'll have an even bigger problem on your hands. you really hope it isn't.

the noises clear up into words, whispering into your ears

consume. devour. feed. destroy. 

cast them into the void. let them be your sustenance. take their power as your own.

you are a predator. why are you among prey?

they are many but fragile. why do you still hesitate?

no.

no, they are not fragile.

they are not prey.

they are not sustenance.

do not speak of them as if they are nothing but food.

what do you know of the people inhabiting the countless planets in the cosmos?

what do you know of the storms they have weathered?

humanity is stronger than you would ever know.

tonight will be a long night, it seems. you can only hope that this doesn't manifest as some sort of personality disorder. come morning, these thoughts will go away as your mind becomes occupied with work.

there are four system hours until then. 

a leviathan like you, a monster of the cosmos… 

shut up. shut up. shut up. shut up. shut up.

be quiet already.

wish as you may, they will continue to torment you.

why? because they seek answers.

how long will you keep wearing the skin of sheep?

[forthelostones]

𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐟𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 ➺ 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 #4

anderson construction and landscaping had been parked outside your door since you returned home from university. as if the summer couldn't get any hotter, the business owner works overtime in your area. anderson is collecting new, loyal clients of your neighbors, cementing her permanence in your life for the next few months. what's to come of your girlish crush when she keeps showing up?

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜. 18+ (mdni); age-gap, young!reader, older!abby, butch!abby, slow-burn, suggestive language, thoughts of infidelity, ellie ft, smoking/drinking, mentions of parents, nickname: sweetheart, and modern au.

𝚊𝚗. everyone wow thank you so much for the love on for your eyes only! it means so much. here’s something a little different, hope you enjoy. any requests don’t hesitate to drop ‘em, xx jstar.

♫ 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝. hypotheticals by lake street drive ♫

https://arab.org/click-to-help/palestine/

I didn’t bother looking at my watch during our session and somehow I noticed the sun was nearly gone. A fist tightened in my stomach when I realized how long she had been in my presence without me being aware of the fact. I can’t remember a time when my social battery grew instead of depleting. 

Technically, I should be tired since I stayed up filtering through applications and cleaning my entire place simultaneously. But it was something about her that energized me. Even motivated me and made me excited about this project. She gave me a sense of agency, which I haven't felt in the last decade.

“You built these bookshelves, didn't you?” She snorted in disbelief as we traveled to the living room before her departure. 

“I did,” I said, in the kitchen as I fetched myself a beer, feeling proud at the recognition. 

I followed her manicured finger trace at the edge of the panels. She twisted her head sideways to read the dusty titles on the shelf. Even though I only saw her back, I knew her mouth was open in astonishment at my first edition copies of classic books, something I’ve been cultivating for twenty years. I bring the tinted bottle to my lips and stand with my free hand on my chin. 

She tucked her index into an original print of The Well of Loneliness. She looked over her shoulder quickly to check if I was watching her, which I was. I quickly diverted my gaze towards the floor and sipped. “I’ve had that book for a while,” I say. 

“Is it okay if I…” 

Her voice became silent, almost a whisper as if she’d be in trouble if she muttered a word about the novel. 

“Of course. Please.” 

I gesture towards the couch and she pulls the untouched book from the shelf as if it were delicate china and sits on my worn sofa. I bit the corner of my mouth as I saw her sit right where I lay my head and I took a seat on the farthest end away from her. She crossed her legs and brought the grey-shaded book onto her lap. The pages were stale and yellow-ish, almost crumbling under her careful touch. She followed the inside of the spine with her thumb, straightening the first page and a shiver traveled down my spine to my toes. 

“From the library of Abigail Anderson.” Her voice drops an octave, loose and saturated in a sexy chuckle. I wanted her to repeat my name just like that until her voice was hoarse.

I knew my cheeks grew bright red and I had the inclination to press the bottle to my face to cool my embarrassment. The embosser was a gift from an ex-girlfriend and she took the liberty of pressing it into every book I owned, even my most valuable ones. 

“You like that?” I smile, concealing my trembling lip with the neck of the bottle and thumb. 

“I wish I had one but my books aren’t special enough.” 

“What do you like to read?” 

“Same stuff you do.” 

That stuff is novels that exclusively includes women.

Her eyes linger with a glint that can only be described as fervor like she never met someone who read lesbian fiction. I didn’t break eye contact like I had been for the last three hours. I took another sip to hold back a large, toothy grin. Her phone vibrated with another ricochet of text messages, which she continuously ignored. But soon she broke our quiet pact by reading the messages and excusing herself to the next room. Her voice has a quiver in it although hushed. 

“Ellie. I’m sorry I just—okay. Okay. I know I am sorry. It just… Of course, I love you are you—alright. I’ll see you soon.” 

She comes back into the living room without moving back to her original spot. Her face was thick with an emotion I knew all too well. Dread. Maybe she needed an excuse to stay longer and I felt okay with that.

“I don’t know if you’re hungry or anything—” / “I’m gonna go—”. 

The jumble of words flusters us both and her grip tightens around her phone. The sight makes me think she could snap it in half right there. Ellie, her girlfriend, definitely gave her a stern talking to. The little cat-like girl I met on the street couldn't have made her feel so small. She brushes a stray hair from her face that wasn’t there. Instead of confidence, I saw her shrink down twice in size. 

“Oh, yea of course,” I rub my hot neck.

Her eyes dart towards the copy of The Well of Loneliness. 

“You can borrow it if you want to.” 

Instead of traveling around the couch, she let her body swipe past me as I rose from the couch. Our clothes mingled in a private dance just before she slipped on her shoes and fiddled with the door. With the book pressed to her chest, she turned to me, a mere two feet away, and thanked me. A silence fell between us. It wasn't awkward, but comfortable. I felt comfortable.

“Anytime, I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

What I wanted to come out as a statement became a question and I resented myself for it. I wanted her to know that I was going to see her.

“Hopefully. ‘Night Ms. Anderson.” 

“Drive safe, sweetheart.” 

A soft I will left her solemn lips and I watched the twinkle of her headlights illuminate my body. I raise my hand to wave her off but she turns her head before I can. I quickly tucked it away in my back pocket. My throat hardened seeing her car drive away.

As I closed the door, the lingering silence of the house struck me strongly. The missing book from the shelf made me feel hollow in a way. I was glad that she took it but I wish... I don't know. I finish my last sip of beer and toss the bottle out. I walk to the bathroom and turn on the shower.

The water offered me a clarity the cool breeze outside could not. I was relishing in a former life that I wish I had done differently. Craving someone who truly understood me and appreciated who I was. I never got that. My heart pumped with anxiety-ridden blood. Painful memories that I shoved away threatened to —

My hands are on the sparkling tiles, spread with 2 inches in between. I press my eyes shut and try to understand where I stand. It feels like the calm beads of water transformed into pebbles. Hitting my skin with an angry vengeance I could not place. The steam inhibits me from getting a deep inhale. I can't move. I open my eyes and soften my knees. I find the strength to reach for the knob and draw my body onto the floor. My knees come to my chest and I count until the water turns cold.

I opened the windows in my bedroom and listened to the chirping of cicadas. I close my eyes and walk backward onto the perfectly made bed. Instantly, my back melted. Why was I denying myself this? I lay with my feet dangling and was disrupted from the lingering sleep by my phone in the living room.

7:30 PM: What have you gotten me into Ms. Anderson?

She sat with the book in her lap, the only blankets around being a plum-colored top sheet. Her legs held the book and a small light illuminated the first page. Her thumb held the right page and her index and middle in the crease. I could imagine how she rubbed them against the paper like earlier. I stared at the photo and fell deeper into the elements of it.

7:35 PM: 400 pages is nothing, You'll do fine.

A bubble appears and vanishes.

7:36 PM: It's actually 448 pages, thank you very much.

7:37 PM: My apologies. 48 extra pages won't kill you.

7:38 PM: You don't know that...

7:40 PM: I think I do.

7:41 PM: Well, we can discuss what you think you know tomorrow...

My fingers twitched to reply but it was clear that she desired to be left alone. I couldn't determine why these casual conversations left my face aching, but they did. I reflected on how long it's been since I went on a date. The number enters my mind and burns slowly like a forest fire. The sides of my head throb as I slip under the blankets.

to be continued...

[cookiesandbiscuits]

Just... Friends?

Pairing: Leviathan x GN! Reader

Summary: You have always liked him. Maybe more than what most people would consider as friendship. And you have a feeling that he also feels the same way. Yet it's frustrating whenever he refers to you as just a friend even though his actions say otherwise.

Genre: Fluff. Maybe crack too if you squint at it hard enough.

A/N: This was sitting on my drafts for AGES!!

But after several editing and removing some stuff, I finally got this story to go in a direction that I like!

Although there is a specific scene here that made me feel hypocritical lmaooo.

Happy reading! ❤️

Warning:

- Not proofread.

- Cussing.

- Levi is as dense as a brick.

- The reader is frustrated and decides to take matters into their own hands.

- The reader is referred to as MC.

- Probably OOC. This is just unplanned fluff writing. Asmo is acting as your wingman.

MASTERLIST

Inspired by "Just A Friend To You" by Meghan Trainor and Adrien Agreste from Miraculous Ladybug (lol)

You were done.

With a tired sigh, you leaned back on the sofa and closed your eyes. You thought back on what happened earlier in Levi's room.

"Woooo!! Finally!!"

The room was filled with joyous shouts when the TV screen displayed the word "victory" in large letters.

"MC, we finally beat the boss!"

Soon, you were enveloped by a familiar warmth as Levi tightly wrapped his arms around you. You felt your cheeks heat up a little when you noticed that his embrace was a little longer than usual.

"Haha, yes, we did. Congratulations to both of us."

Levi gently pushed you away within arm's length and looked at you with a grin. "I couldn't have done it without you."

"Eh? But I haven't done as much as you, though."

Levi shook his head in response. "That's not true! If you hadn't done that move, we'd still be playing this round again! Seriously, you're the best friend a gamer could ask for!"

You felt your eye twitch a little at his word. Friend.

You have always liked him. Maybe more than what most people would consider as friendship. And you have a feeling that he also feels the same way. Yet it's frustrating whenever he refers to you as just a friend even though his actions say otherwise.

You tried to show it through your actions that you like him countless times before, but for some reason, it always goes over his head.

The two of you continued to play some more before deciding enough was enough.

You dragged both of your hands on your face and sighed once more.

"You okay, hon?"

Your eyes flutter open at the sound of Asmodeus's voice. He looks at you, slight worry evident in his expression.

You gave him a small smile.

"Yeah, my eyes are just a little tired, that's all."

"You should really cut off some of your gaming time. Then you won't be complaining about how dry your eyes are anymore," Asmo chides you as he hands out an eyedrop for your eyes. But he knows you wouldn't listen to him no matter how many times he scolds you.

"Mmm, thanks."

......

As you put the eye solution on your eyes, you felt Asmo's focused stare on you.

"What is it?"

You sat up when you finished putting the eye solution. The fifth-born faces you with a knowing look as he sat on the sofa beside you.

"Spill it."

You look at him confused.

"Spill what?"

"It's a romance-related trouble, isn't it?"

Your eyes widened slightly. Was it that obvious? You felt your cheeks warm at the realization.

"I- um..."

You nodded, too embarrassed to form a coherent sentence at the moment.

"Wanna talk about it in my room instead?"

Well... it wouldn't hurt to talk about it to Asmo, you thought.

"Okay..."

Soon after you agreed, Asmo dragged you away and into his room.

.

.

.

"I'm back."

You looked at Asmo carrying a tray of cookies and tea. He went to the kitchen after letting you in his room.

"So, what's been bothering you, hm?" The Avatar of Lust asked, interest glimmering in his eyes.

"Oh, you know... the same old stuff," you grumbled as you flopped forward over the demon's lush bedsheet.

"Ah," was his reply once he realized what you were talking about.

"...You know you won't be suffering like that if you'd just say it straight to his face, right?"

"No."

Yeah, right. Easier said than done.

"Why not? You won't lose anything if you do."

"Yes, I do. I'd lose my dignity."

"Mhm. Right... And how did this way of "preserving" your dignity go for you?"

Asmo raised his perfectly shaped eyebrow on your unmoving form, completely unconvinced.

You can only groan in response.

"Come on, you know how my brother is. If you want him to know that you're in love with him, you have to say it to him directly. Otherwise, he'll think you're just being a really nice person, like what's happening right now." The fifth-born rolled his eyes, not at you but at his dense as a brick older brother.

...........

...........

"...But what if he really just think of me as a friend? What then? I don't wanna risk what we currently have over these... feelings," you mumble under your breath.

"Well, you wouldn't know that unless you do something, hon."

"And what if he rejects me?"

You finally moved after a while, turning your head to look at the beautiful demon who sat beside you.

"Then accept his feelings and move on. It'll be difficult, but atleast it's better than pining and stuck forever to where you are right now, not knowing how to move forward," he answered in a gentle tone and caressed your hair in a way that was akin to a mother comforting her crying child.

The gesture lulled you to sleep.

And as you slowly drifted off to dream world, a small part of you thought that yeah... you probably should confront your conundrum instead of running away from it.

Maybe... you should ask... Asmo for... help.

.

.

.

And that's how you found yourself sitting in a karaoke booth with Leviathan beside you.

"Oh wow! It's been AGES since the last time we hung out here!" The purple-haired demon grinned as he eagerly flipped through the song book.

"Ahaha... I know, right? Since exams are finally done, I thought this would be a great way to unwind after all that stress," you replied, careful not to let the bubbling anxiety inside you show.

"Oh, definitely! By the way, where are the others?"

As Levi asked that, you heard a ping from your phone. There was a message from Asmo.

[Asmo: "We're almost there but we'll give you some time together. Good luck, hon! 😘"]

You discreetly gulped at the message before putting your phone back to your pocket.

Thanks, Asmo!

"Asmo said they're going to be a bit late and we can just go ahead and order for ourselves or sing."

"Huh... alright," Levi said before going back to flipping through the song book.

"...."

"...."

"...Hey, Levi?"

"Hm?"

"Do you mind if I pick a song first?"

The demon looked at you quizzically. "Sure... Why though? You don't usually sing first."

"Well, um- you know... Just a change of pace," you shrugged.

You can feel sweat form on your hands.

After a moment, he handed the song book to you. Immediately, you felt the anxiety inside you intensify as you searched through the song book until you finally found what you were looking for.

You pressed buttons to enter the song number. The title flashed on the screen as you hit OK.

[Just A Friend To You by Meghan Trainor]

"Ooh, is this a song from the human world?" Levi asked.

"Yep," you answered.

Picking up the microphone, you took a deep breath to calm your erratic heartbeats.

Okay, this now or never.

"Why you gotta hug me like that every time you see me? Why you always making me laugh Swear you're catching feelings"

You looked at Levi, who, after you gave the song book back, returned to searching for songs to sing.

You turned your vision back to the karaoke screen.

"I loved you from the start, So it breaks my heart When you say I'm just a friend to you 'Cause friends don't do the things we do. Everybody knows you love me too. Tryna be careful with the words I use. I say it cause I'm dying to. I'm so much more than just a friend to you."

You looked back at him again, discreetly this time.

He was still busy with the song book.

Slowly, your anxiety was replaced by irritation.

Is he really THIS dense?? Or is he just acting like he knows nothing?

In your frustration, you stood up from where you were sitting.

"When there's other people around You never wanna kiss me. You tell me it's too late to hang out And you say you miss me."

You thought back to the times where he acted like he, too, liked you back.

Were those sweet gestures of his just a ploy to toy with you? Or was it just you who gave those actions a different meaning than what he actually intended?

You don't know anymore.

"And I loved you from the start, So it breaks my heart When you say I'm just a friend to you 'Cause friends don't do the things we do. Everybody knows you love me too."

You turned to face him, and to your surprise, his attention was now all on you.

As hard as it was, you managed to force yourself to keep looking at his citrine eyes.

"You say I'm just a friend to you Friends don't do the things we do. Everybody knows that I love you. I'll try to be careful with the words I use And I'll say it cause I'm dying to. You're so much more than just a friend to me."

Thick silence quickly replaced the fading last notes of the song.

Levi was the one who broke the staring contest between the two of you.

"Um... That- that was... a really good song. Though I think you sang the last verse wrong there."

You continued to stare at him.

"Levi."

He flinched when you said his name.

"I know this is weird and very sudden. But I seriously can't keep this to myself anymore. You are one, if not the most passionate and fun person I have ever met, and I always enjoy the time we spend together. In fact, I always look forward to the days we hang out. And, well..."

You swallowed the lump in your throat.

"What I want to say is that... I like you, Levi."

"You- you like... me?" The subject of your confession looked back at you incredulously.

You nodded.

"As- as a friend... right?" he asked, fidgeting.

What?

Now it was your turn to look at him wide-eyed. No way he's being serious.

"Huh? No. I mean I like you. Like like you. Romantically," you deadpanned.

"N-no way. You can't be serious."

"I'm totally serious."

Your nervousness slowly turned into annoyance.

"Levi-"

Before you could finish your sentence, Levi suddenly stood up, grabbed his stuff, and bolted out of the booth.

You could only blink at how fast it happened.

It was also at that moment that the rest of the brothers arrived.

"What's with him?" asked Mammon as he glanced at the direction his brother ran.

"I don't know. Maybe there's a limited time event on one of his games?" Beel replied.

However, one look at your expression and Asmo knew exactly what happened.

"Sorry guys, I'm suddenly feeling a little under the weather right now," the fifth-born says.

He grabbed your wrist and smiled. "With that said, I'm gonna go home. And I'm taking MC with me!"

"What?! You can't do that!" Mammon exclaimed in protest, as expected.

As much as you like to hang out with the other demon brothers, you're not in the mood to do so anymore after what happened.

So you forced yourself to smile.

"Sorry guys, maybe next time. Enjoy the karaoke for us!"

.

.

.

"Wanna tell me what happened, hon?"

After arriving at the House of Lamentation, you and Asmo made a beeline straight to his room. Though as you passed Levi's room, you felt a pang of pain in your chest.

And now, here you are, getting pampered by the Avatar of Lust himself.

"Well, you know... I confessed, and he rejected me," you smiled bitterly.

"...."

"...Oh, come on. Don't give me that look," you say when you noticed the worry in Asmo's eyes. "Atleast now, I won't be stuck pining for him forever, right?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt. And can't I worry about our adorable little lamb?"

You gave him a small smile. "Thanks a lot, Asmo. I mean it. And don't worry too much, I'll be fine."

You felt arms wrap around you as the demon hugged you.

"It's just- I already expected it to hurt if he rejected me outright. But seeing him run away like that, it's like he doesn't even want to hear it."

"Wait..."

All of a sudden, Asmo pulled back from the embrace and looked at you.

"So you mean to tell me he didn't gave you a proper reply?" he asks.

"Um... yeah," you respond.

"......"

At that moment, only one thought came to Asmodeus's mind.

For the love of everything beautiful, these two really are stupid when it comes to each other.

.

.

.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Levi, are you there? It's me, Asmo. Can we talk for a sec?"

It took a few more knocks before the third-born opened his door.

"Asmo? What is it? Hey-!" The demon protested as his brother made his way into his room.

"Don't worry, this won't take too long," said Asmo.

Seeing that his younger brother won't budge until he spoke with him, Levi sighed in defeat and closed the door.

"So, what is it that you want to speak with me so bad that you'd barge into my room with no permission?" he asked as he sat on his gaming chair, raising his eyebrow on the Avatar of Lust who was making himself comfortable with one of the beanbags in his room.

Asmo smiled before replying, "You like them, don't you?"

That made him flinch.

"Wha? Wh-why would you think that I like MC??"

That only made the fifth-born's smile grow into a grin.

"I never said their name, yet you immediately thought of them. So I was right, you do like them."

Levi felt his face warm up as he realized his slip-up.

"Do the others know?"

Asmo shrugged.

He could only hide his blushing face on his hands. Oh, how he wanted to curl up in a ball and let the earth swallow him whole right now.

"But if you like them, why didn't you tell them that when they confessed?"

Quickly, he turned to look back to his brother.

"How did you know that?! And what's it to you, anyway?"

"Levi," Asmo spoke with a serious voice, "you're my brother, and I want you to be happy. And if being with them will bring you that happiness, then why not go for it? Especially now that you know they like you back."

"But what if- what if they find out what kind of person I really am and hate me for it?"

"Honestly, I don't really know. And that's why..."

Levi's gaze followed Asmo as he walked up to the door and opened it.

It revealed the person he was avoiding for a few days now: you.

"Wh-why are they here?!" he panicked.

"To talk things out, duh! You two really need it," he heard him say as the fifth-born pushed you inside the room before closing the door once more.

Awkward silence filled the air between you.

"Hey," you said.

"H-hey."

It was the only thing he could mutter right now.

"Sorry, Asmo asked me to come here." You scratched your neck; Levi recalled it was one of your nervous tics. "I could leave, if you want."

"No! ...I-I mean, no, y-you can stay."

He gestured to the beanbag Asmo was sitting on earlier.

"Thanks..."

Once again, silence filled the air between you.

"...Um"

"I-"

Both of you spoke at the same time.

"Oh, sorry. Go ahead," he apologized.

"No, it's okay," you replied.

"...."

"...."

"Um, MC..."

"Yes?"

"...I'm sorry, for acting the way I did that day."

He looked down to his hands as he fidgeted with them.

"It's... alright. I should be the one apologizing for springing it onto you suddenly."

"...."

"...."

"To tell you the truth, I was really happy when you told me you like me."

"Mm..."

"And then I got scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Of doing you wrong. And you hating me for it. You deserve so much more than what I could offer you, and I'm scared that one day, you'd realize that and leave me."

"...Levi."

He looked up from his hands and his eyes met yours.

"Does all of that really matter when you're the one I want?"

His eyes widened.

"Say that you're right, and I do deserve more. But I want you, Levi, and that's all that there is to it."

If Levi never thought you beautiful before, he would now as he continued to stare into your eyes, clear and devoid of hesitation.

And before he knew it, he walked up to where you are and kissed you.

It was everything he thought it would be and more. Your lips were soft and sweet.

It was as if he was brought back to heaven for a moment until the two of you broke contact for air.

He pressed his forehead to yours.

"Do you really mean it? Even if I'd annoy you to hell? Even if I won't be as sweet as the leading men in those shoujo animes you like? And–"

"Yes, I do. I mean it," you giggled as you cupped his cheeks with your hands.

And for the first time after a few days, Levi shyly smiled.

"So, does this mean we're a couple now?" you asked.

"Yeah. I guess we are."

.

.

.

Lifting his ear from the door, Asmo made a thumbs up gesture to his brothers who were with him.

It was a success.

Mammon was the first to react. "FINA–"

He was shushed by the others.

"Oops, sorry."

"Good for them. They finally got together after all this time pining for each other," Satan says.

"Yeah, it was getting kinda annoying seeing them give each other longing gazes," Belphegor remarked.

The others nodded in agreement.

"Atleast they're happy now."

It was Beelzebub who spoke this time with a hushed voice.

"Wait, does this mean we'll be seeing them be lovey-dovey with each other now?"

"...."

"...."

"...."

"...."

"...."

"...."

"...I hope not. That would be way more annoying than seeing them pine for each other obliviously."

Once again, the brothers nodded in agreement.

"All right, now that they're together now, let's all celebrate!" Mammon cheered in a hushed voice.

But before he could knock on the third-born's door, a gloved hand grabbed him by the shoulder.

"Stop that and leave them alone. Let them have their moment together with no interruptions, for goodness' sake," said Lucifer.

"Just go back to your rooms," he added.

At that, the brothers dispersed and went to their respective rooms.

Before he left, however, Asmo gave Levi's room one last look and softly smiled.

"I'm happy for the both of you, MC, Levi."

[97keanu]

Digital Angel

Premise: You're a hacker living in 1999 Chicago. The bustling city has been lonely, save for a few friends you've made at the local goth club. You fuel your lifestyle by hacking important classified information for criminals, but lately your usual clients haven't been coming around. Turns out, some hacker named "Neo" has been stealing your clients. You decide to get to the bottom of this by hacking him back...

Tags: slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, loser!neo, perv!neo, virgin!neo, prematrix au, hacker!reader, goth!reader, bdsm elements, age gap 23/35, eventual smut, stalking, cyber stalking, masturbation, neo is a naughty panty sniffer, he's literally such a pervvy stalker in this idk what to say, themes of loneliness and longing, neo and reader are each others mirrors, two sides of the same coin, fated to be together, red string of fate, last two romantics in the city, yadda yadda.

Words: 12.4k

A/N: This is the revised edition of Digital Angels first 3 chapters. Fully edited, added some new content/context, and Chapter 4 will be out tomorrow! (If you wished to be tagged in it, please add yourself to my taglist, and select Neo!) Thank you to everyone who has enjoyed this fic, I hope to do it justice in the coming chapters.

Read chapter 4 here!

꒰˵ˊplaylistˋ˵꒱

You sit in your bedroom, basking in your computer’s green glow. It’s been a hot summer, the night air doing little to cool Chicago down, and the window and fan set up you have running do little to help. You should be sleeping but something has been bothering you lately, keeping you up well past midnight.

Your typical clients, who come to you for illegal information that you’ve hacked from the government, haven’t been contacting you. In fact, you’re getting more small-time stuff than ever. Fake ID requests, fake official reports for god knows what, and the last straw was today, when you were asked if you could illegally pirate a DVD for some teen.

“Really? Back to burned DVDS?” You had thought to yourself. It was almost laughable if it wasn’t for the fact that without the bigger time jobs your rent wasn’t getting paid. And there was no way you were going to get a real corporate job like the rest of the early 20 somethings your age.

You had asked your closest client over IM earlier tonight. And what he gave back to you, was a name.

[Neo]

The screen read back to you, as if taunting you with the existence of him. Such a little name for the big pain in your ass he’s been.

Well…if this “Neo” guy was taking all your clientele, then you were going to look into him. You worked too hard for your hacker prestige to be brought back down to pirating softcore porn for any local sleaze ball. No…you were going to find this guy and confront him.

So, that’s why you’ve been working tirelessly these past four hours, hunting down any trace of “Neo” online. You haven’t found much yet, but you can feel yourself getting closer. The more false leads you eliminate, the more the real one will stick out when you see it. You rub your eyes until you see inky little stars and after you pull up your long black hair into a ponytail so that it’s off your neck in this heat. That’s one thing you hated about summer the most. The heat. It left you little black options to wear, and that made most of your wardrobe unbearable. Right now, you were stuck with a black tank top, foregoing wearing pants, just to survive.

You take a moment to gaze out your small apartment window, to get away from the glow of the computers for a second. The Chicago skyline greets you as you open up the window enough to straddle a leg out of it. The night air helps, and a cool breeze blows on your sweaty skin. You need this. Just a moment to yourself before you get back to it. You pull out a cigarette and light up the end with a faint red glow.

As you gaze out, you see other little apartments in the area. Your apartment is high enough up that you have a great view of all the dazzling lights of the city. One perk of the shithole you live in.

You sigh out a puff of smoke, and think of all the tiny white flecks of windows. Some of the closer ones you can see their insides better. You can see from here a kitchen window of an older couple making dinner, someone’s living room with a blue gash of flickering images passing by. Your eye catches on an apartment somewhat like your own, a green glow with their own computers, the owner sleeping softly at their desk. You wonder where all their lives will go when you look away. Do they cease to exist because your gaze does not fall upon them…?

No, you logically know it doesn’t work like that, but it sure does feel like it. You don’t think you’ve known a true friend that you’ve kept up with in years. Just you and your computers…

You finish your cigarette break, and find your way back inside your bedroom, popping Wish by The Cure into your walkman, ready to plug back in and search for the fucker stealing all your jobs.

It’s a few hours still till you find it, but there it is, a sloppy job this ‘Neo’ must have done at some point. He left behind some evidence and here you are finding it like a fingerprint at a crime scene. His IP address was left behind. Now it’s time to have some fun…

You begin to run your own home grown line of code. It's not intricate, a bit unstable, but it will do. You get access to a lot of his computer files, but most importantly the IM app he uses to message. You’re also surprised to find a photo of him as you're searching around. Or what you assume is his face. It looks like a photo taken for a work I.D. An all white background, center and staring at the camera with slightly dead eyes lead you to believe that.

You can’t help it, but when you see him, you think he looks sort of cute. A part of you curdles at the thought of finding the enemy cute, but it's the truth. He has big brown puppy dog eyes which you’ve always been a sucker for, and surprisingly soft features despite sporting a set of high cheekbones and a sharp jawline. His black hair is also a plus, it looks somewhat neat for the photo, but he doesn’t look like the type of man who is too appearance focused. Lucky him, to have such genes to get away with it, you suppose. There’s just something about his eyes that really makes your heartbeat quicken, something about the touch of loneliness there, even though he has the kind of face that was made to be loved. You catch yourself blushing and force your mind to stay on task.

You get back to working with your program. If this works correctly it would give you an in to talk to him. You can use this program to help you hack right into Neo’s friend list and send him an IM. You grab a coke from your mini fridge and get to work, the cool, bubbly liquid waking you up enough to finish the task.

Finally, after what seems like ages, you’re in. You send Neo a message, leaving your typical dorky screen name on. It's not your real name anyways so it doesn’t matter.

[NightShade]: I hear you’ve been stealing all my clients, Neo…

You think for a moment, wondering what exactly you should say first, but this seems good as anything. You’re worried because he was so hard to find, he might just ignore or block you. Doesn’t hurt to try, so you press send and lean back in your chair, somewhat proud of the night you’ve had.

As you wait, you begin to think the other hacker is likely asleep. You sigh, sleep coming to claim your eyes just as well, so you decide to get up and take a shower. It’ll help with how hot it is too, you determine with a nod of self assurance as you hop up out of your chair.

You are attending to a bit of self care in the cool shower, when you hear a ping! You don’t think you’ve ever scrambled out of there so fast.

You attempt not to slip on the titles as you rush out, and find yourself padding with wet hair to the computer chair in nothing but a black towel. You feel too nervous to look, what if he doesn’t want to talk to you? You did come on strong with your first message, accusing him of stealing your clients and all…

[Neo]: Who are you? How did you message me?

The computer reads as you sit, and contemplate how to respond. It is a strange predicament in general, you suppose, but you’re not backing down now. You pause and consider how to reply, but a part of your heart beats with happiness that he responded at all.

[NightShade]: You’re not the only hacker in town you know, and word is that most of my return customers have been coming to you lately.

You sit back and bite your lip, you know you’re confronting him and all, but really, what is the end goal…is it just to say you tried? Is it to win him over? Beg him to stay out of your side of the business…you’re not sure. You feel this strange pull to him regardless.

[Neo]: So, in retaliation you’ve taken it upon yourself to contact me and complain?

He’s right, maybe this whole thing is childish. Maybe you’re childish, despite being 23 and trying to make it as a big time hacker like the rest of them. You can’t help but respond as the late night anxiety whittles on…

[NightShade]: Well, if I could find you within the night, who’s to say the government couldn’t? Why don’t we create something here that helps us both…

You’re not even sure what you’re getting at, but you don’t want him to log off. You watch, waiting for him to type again…

[Neo]: And what would you suggest?

“Shit…” You mumble to yourself and find your hand is nervously rubbing at your thin eyebrow hair. You’ve been trying to quit that, but nervous ticks are hard to kick.

“Alright, we gotta be smart here. If we propose something stupid he’s going to realize I’m just a young, dumb girl who knows a bit of hacking. Nothing special…” You often find yourself out loud, there’s no one better to talk to at your disposal so might as well.

You consider your options. Should you ask him to divide up turf? Divide up clients? You highly doubt that would impress or please him. No, but maybe you could offer something else…

You begin working on the computer, and checking Neo’s connection. He was terribly hard to find for those few hours but honestly, it wouldn’t take the government long to find him if you could. Not to mention, as you look, he has all sorts of back doors to controlling his computer. You browse a few files and find yourself nodding and smirking as you see a folder full of goth girl porn. Seems he has type…you aren’t sure if it helps or hurts that you dress similar to the cyber girls in his computer.

Ultimately, he might be good at getting the info for the clients, but he is shoddy at best at keeping his own ass covered. You get back to the IM window and type…

[NightShade]: I know you must obviously be good at getting info for clients, or else they wouldn’t leave me to come to you. However, you don’t keep yourself safe enough out here. Like I said, I found you in a few hours. And I can clearly see into your files you have hidden right now, such as some extremely saucy pictures of girls in black leather. Imagine what other information I could find with some time. I can help you fix that…If you’re willing.

You hit send and feel a chill run down your back despite the heat. Will he be receptive? You have no idea. Maybe you shouldn’t have mentioned finding his porn folder so easily.

Quite a few minutes passed before you heard a response, and you were starting to believe he was surely considering blocking you. That sweet sound of your computer pinging pulls you out of your thoughts.

[Neo]: So…you found my weakness…and you propose to help. What’s in it for you?

“Yes!” You think, feeling like pumping the air. “He didn’t say no!”

[NightShade]: We stop splitting clients, we work on the hacks together and I keep your ass from ending up being tracked down again. Divide the profits accordingly.

This time, you get no response. In fact, you sit at your computer for another hour before dragging your tired body to your tiny, disheveled bed. You leave your computer on, awaiting the signature ping just in case. As you lie in bed, you turn so you can see outside the large window beside your dark enclave of a mattress that holds you. As you gaze out at the city once more, you can’t help but feel drawn to that other apartment. Its green glow blinks every so often, as if the previously sleeping stranger was stirring before the window. Pacing, perhaps like your mind does as you drift off.

———

Thomas Anderson, better known as 'Neo’ to the underbelly of the cyber world, is half drooling on his desk when he hears that persistent ping! of his computer. Groggy and tired he opens his eyes, the green glow of his computer the only source of light in his tiny dark room. As his eyes adjust, he lets his pale hands rub sleep from his eyes just to solidify that he’s awoken. A light layer of sweat glistens from the computer light, and tries to wipe some of that too, not that it helps.

He groans a little as he pulls up the nagging chat window that’s blinking for attention. Probably some client that wants this or that, ASAP as always with these people.

His sharp brows furrow as he sees a name he doesn’t recognize.

“NightShade?” He talks aloud to himself, only his ears around to hear anyways in his little apartment.

He is surprised this person was able to get onto his friend list, he thought he ran a pretty tight ship over here, but maybe the extra shifts at his day job were making him sloppy. He finds himself sitting in a bit of disbelief before responding to their claim of “client stealing” as they put it.

“I mean, who does this person think they are?” He scoffs into the dark, humid night air. His sweaty fingers tap along a response questioning who the identity of this 'NightShade’ character is. He’s surprised when they respond almost immediately, claiming to be a fellow hacker.

“Sure…” He rolls his eyes to no one as he takes the situation in. “Probably some petty kid mad that their clients found a real hacker for their needs.”

He reaches over and pulls a cigarette out of a discarded box on his messy desk. He pops it loosely into his mouth, mostly for the comfort of having it there at the moment. He’s not ready to light up, just yet.

The other hacker responds, supposedly finding Neo’s IP and computer just within a few hours. He’ll double that for their sake, not really believing his rig is THAT easily infiltrated. But they do make a good point…if he is seeing this message at all, who’s to say who else could get in?

Neo is intrigued to say the least, he wipes his sweaty palms on his dark sweatpants and responds, asking what the other party has in mind then.

“This should be interesting…” His voice is husky with sleep and an overall tiredness that seems to permeate his entirety.

The other hacker takes a moment to respond, so Neo rolls his desk chair to the nearby window. He cracks it and lights his cigarette finally, looking out to the cityscape.

He watches a plane lazily draw across the sky like a star blinking in and out of existence, and he wonders how despite his business of being a hacker having been so perfectly solitary he has found himself seemingly intrigued by this supposed other hacker. He never really complained that he had essentially no social life. He was destined to be like this, the way he saw it. No one at work took much interest in him, they saw him as a nerdy lackey programmer and was all. Not someone to take out for drinks after work. Not someone to strike up conversation with in the break room. It was like they knew he was different, and stayed away because of it. He had little luck with making friends in his hacking ‘community’, if you could even call it that. Neo was pretty certain he would die alone, and that feeling had been present for so long, it had started to comfort him. Until tonight, that is.

His eyes drift across the city apartments, and he doesn’t notice his pause on another green glowing apartment across the way at first. He lets a long drag of smoke billow out the window as he focuses on it more.

From here he can see a tiny form of a girl, and he actually blushes as he realizes they’re in nothing but a towel. He hasn’t seen a real life woman in such a vulnerable state in a while. He takes another drag as he sighs out the smoke to the thought that he’s been more than a while…

He doesn’t take his eyes away though, he knows he’s safe looking at this distance anyways, so he watches as the young woman is seemingly typing on her own computer. It's not uncommon as a pass time anymore, more and more people are starting to use this new 'internet’ thing, after all.

Still, he wonders for a moment how she feels. Is she as lonely as he is in his tiny room, typing, typing away all night long. Does she like the people she types to? Neo rarely does.

He starts to imagine what kind of life a pretty girl like her must have. Probably messaging her abundance of friends for what they’re going to do this weekend. Likely in university, staying in a shitty apartment until she graduates and moves on to bigger and better things. Neo watches as the towel slips further as she’s more invested in her screen, unknowingly to her that her every move is being watched. Her soft shoulders and collarbones stick out the most to him, the subtle way they move when she types, her dripping black hair falling on them in delicate swirls.

The excitement of seeing this unknowing stranger in such a vulnerable state, a state he’s sure no one else gets to see, draws Neo in.

He watches her until he hears another ping, tearing his eyes away and stubbing out the cigarette on the window sill. Neo has to practically tear his eyes away from her to see his computer screen.

He rotates back to his computer to see the other hacker's message, and laughs out loud at the fact that they seemingly found his porn folder. It's less unnerving than the other party probably thinks, it's likely they believe Neo to be had in this scenario. In a strange turn of events, he’s finding himself feeling a rush over the whole thing, with a twinge of nerves since they do after all, seem to be able to see into his whole system here.

It's a strange feeling for him, he hasn’t felt so naked in such a way for so long. Hypocritic, even after his look into his neighbors apartment. It's as if someone has walked into his room while he was undressing, but instead of fear, he feels a rush of endorphins. It's almost voyeuristic, and he has to laugh at that thought too.

“Alright, so they can see into my computer,” he speaks, as his mind begins to race, considering all the possibilities here. He might as well see what they have in mind to do about this, so he responds.

He is utterly surprised at their proposal for teamwork, however. Somehow this makes him recoil. The thought of working with another in such a way makes him nervous. He has been alone in this for as long as he can remember…

He bites his lip as he considers how much they’ve seen of him so far. It's only fair that he can take a look as well…

Neo disregards the other hackers message for now and immediately goes to work. Since they’ve been messaging him and all, it's pretty easy for him to work his way into finding their computer. The hard part is getting in. It actually takes him much longer than he expects and when he does get in, it's the tip of the iceberg. In fact, he’s utterly surprised that all he can find at first is normie information like what movies this guy watches and some music tastes. He ends up down the rabbit hole for a few hours before he sees something that freezes him.

A profile picture for an online goth community. He can only assume it's the other hacker, and what he knows now is that NightShade is a woman, an exceptionally attractive woman at that.

He can’t explain it, but seeing her image has struck him. Something about her is absolutely engrossing. He finds himself leaning closer to the screen, until he can pick out the pixels beginning to form. His heart skips a beat or two as he realizes he’s enamored…

He pulls back, looks away.

“Get a hold of yourself, it's just some girl, you could see another on the street whenever you want.” He speaks in a whisper as he leaves his chair and begins to pace his tiny room.

Why? Why is knowing she’s a beautiful woman, who’s exactly his type, complicating this? Is he really that touch starved that he’s like some highschool boy after seeing his crush in the hallway. No, he’s a 35 year old man here, he shouldn’t be having these strange feelings.

And with this surge of emotion out of him plus his penance for working alone, he can’t seem to find a way of a team effort working out between them. He starts a few times from pacing to go back to his desk and reply that he is uninterested, but he can’t seem to finish the task.

Neo finds himself sitting on this thought all night and more, your face left in a browser on his computer…

———

It’s been a week since you messaged Neo, and after the first day or so, your heart felt heavy. You know it really isn’t that deep, but the rejection took a hit on you. You started agreeing to CD burns and mixtapes on the fourth day, you feel so down and strapped for cash. You actively seek out reasons to leave your room because it beats sitting around waiting for a reply that won’t come, as well as all the lack of work you’ve been having.

Tonight, you drag home some Chinese take out, walking up the steps of your apartment building as if your legs are made of sludge. By the time you throw yourself into your apartment, you can barely muster the energy to eat. You store most of the food away for tomorrow, but keep the crab rangoons, since those don’t heat up very well, after all.

You set up at your desk, working on getting ahold of some test answers for some highschooler when it happens. The noise startles you enough that the crab rangoon hanging out of your mouth hits your desk. You quickly change tabs and can’t even stop yourself from looking immediately.

[Neo]: I’m in. But I think we should meet in person to go over this.

You have no idea if you should fake that you’ve seen it, or reply straight away. You know that he might think you were waiting on him this whole time if you reply too fast, so you force yourself to finish eating while you sit and stare at the green glow of the screen with a fervor to reply.

Just when you think you can’t finish the last bite fast enough, you thrust your greasy fingers to the keys.

[NightShade]: Alright, but I say when and where.

You’re so much cooler through the computer, he has no idea that you’re over here gushing because you know he’s cute and likes to hack too. It’s ridiculous, you find yourself ridiculing inwards.

[Neo]: Deal, your choice.

You think for a moment, in disbelief that he really means it. You decide to point him to the local goth club you frequent, Club Hel. You are a member there, so you have a private booth you two can talk in. You let him know where to go and who to ask for. You decide, fuck it, tomorrow can’t come soon enough so might as well do it then. You go over the details and the two of you are seemingly on the same page. You stop replying this time first to get the upper hand, even though you’re pretty sure the concept is childish in nature.

It’s been a long day so you plop on a Deftones tee and hop into bed. Strangely enough, your dreams are filled with soft brown eyes and computer code…

———

Neo hates to admit it, but he left your picture up on his computer for the rest of the night. At first, your ghostly pixelated image made him feel strange, to say the least. Accompanying the fact that you were essentially proposing to watch over him, to make sure he didn't leave any back doors open when hacking, Neo began to sleep, images of you as his guardian angel finding their way into his fleeting thoughts of restless sleep.

When he awoke late the next day, he was sweating once again. The hot Chicago summer was droning on, the early season when it's just deciding to heat up was long gone and replaced with humid, sweltering days. Neo could hardly stand it, and opted for a shower, his body sticking to his clothes as he took them off and tossed them on the bathroom floor.

As the cool water hit his body, he began to think of you again. He imagined your pretty little face, you had to be younger than him, that much was obvious. Your dark hair, pitch black as your clothes and makeup. Under the stream of the shower head, Neo found himself imagining you in ways he would feel guilty about afterwards.

He imagines you, in the shower with him, your hands gently cascading down his body, coming to rest right before his hard cock. You look up at him, your makeup starting to fall from the water, and your lipstick leaving rings on his cock when you start sucking him off. Neo practically groans out from the thought, his hand keeping pace on his own cock while he imagines that it's your mouth inside, soft, wet, and warm. He can only imagine what it would be like for you to encompass his cock with your perfect, cute mouth. Fuck. He can barely keep himself from cumming right now, the idea is so sexy.

What really gets him over the edge is imagining taking your hair in his hands and gripping it enough that you cry out, and when you do he's pumping his cock into your mouth harder than before. His muscles tense in the shower, even just the thought of being so aggressive with you igniting every muscle in his body. You, who thinks you had the upper hand after finding his porn stash, who was bold enough to hack into his computer without his knowledge. He continues to think of you choking on his cock, maybe even pulling you off for air, and you begging for more while your goth makeup is dripping down your cheeks. Oh God…He's going to cum.

Neo finishes in his shower, his husky groans escaping finally, and his back finding the cool tile of the shower wall for support.

"Fuck…" He whispers out to the lonely shower walls, a bit of clarity coming to him as he realizes with embarrassment just how lonely he has been.

That along with this trance you've put him in leave him feeling totally guilty. He's just some 30 year old loser who has a kink for chicks in black makeup, he really should be able to control himself. Meeting you shouldn't have any ulterior motives of lust, but he can't hardly stop himself.

He gets out of the shower and tries to wipe off shame with a fluffy white towel, frustrated that his body doesn't feel any less hot than before, but it's not the summer heat that's getting to him anymore. No, it's you. And he has to be able to contain himself tonight when he meets you at the…what was it again? Some goth club from what he researched last night, no surprise there.

God, Neo's afraid he won't be able to help himself from popping a boner when he finally sees you in person. If your profile picture has this much of a hold on him, then he's worried what will happen when he really gets to meet you. Maybe he'll get lucky, and it'll turn out you're actually a total catfish, and some other lonely loser like him. At least then he can laugh in your face and leave. Go back to his typical solitary existence.

A part of him aches at the thought all the while. If it's not what you actually look like, the fact that he just jerked off to you is all the more shameful. And, as much as he doesn't wish to admit, he would be highly disappointed.

Neo finishes up redressing, opening the window to his apartment to let some air in. He looks back out and sees the same little apartment he saw the last intriguing girl in. She's in there now, and from the looks of it, he thinks she's…trying on different clothes? He can barely see what she's wearing from here, but he can definitely tell when her body is bare of anything, becoming all one color besides a splash of dark hair. Just the idea of making out this unknowing neighbor's curves and ass has Neo hard again. He really is a pervert, huh?

He can hardly tear his eyes away, and the only reason he isn't throwing his left hand into his pants again is he knows that he likely won't be able to finish after doing it again so soon. He's almost jealous that he didn't get to sit here, staring out his window at the unsuspecting woman, freely looking at her in such a vulnerable state, pleasuring himself. Instead, he was imagining a girl who might not even really exist all by himself in the shower. He has a secret hope that maybe some other time, he'll catch the siren across the way undressing yet again.

For now, he turns from the window and begins to psyche himself up for meeting you tonight.

——

It's late, but it's the time you asked to see Neo. Everything works better under the mask of night. You can imagine more. A fairytale can become real under the night sky if told to the right person. You hope you actually get to work with this Neo guy. You know that your work has been so little lately, so this would really help you out. But you also know that you've dreamed of Neo all this morning, the image of his striking brown eyes drifting through your mind. The worst part was that some of those dreams were less than innocent in nature. The most vivid is seeing his eyes look up at you from between your thighs…

No, you don't need to think of that right now. He's late and could be escorted to your booth any minute. You currently sit in the red velvet lined booth, large dark curtains enclosing it, making it a safe zone for a meeting. You spent a chunk of the afternoon, worrying about what you would wear, dressing and undressing for well over an hour. You finally decided on a sleeveless dress, its top corseted, embellished with fancy black and purple lace. You chose a short black mini skirt to go along with it, and of course one of your favorite pairs of platform chunky heels. You fit in well with the rest of the clubgoers of Club Hel. You wonder how Neo will feel, seeing you are so much like his dirty little hidden porn folder. That shouldn't matter, this should be a business deal, but it does matter. Somehow, you know in your heart, and your occasionally aching pussy, that you want Neo to want you. It would be so satisfying to know that this nerdy hacker is thirsting after you. Plus it would be less embarrassing that you want him…

Just as you think he's not coming, black manicured nails playing with some drink named 'bloody' this or ‘batty’ that, the heavy curtain is pulled back. The familiar face of one of the usual workers dips in, checking that the person beside him is who you want at your table.

It's him.

You're breath catches, and you're surprised. As soon as you see him it feels as if something inside you is pulled to his very energy. He has on a long, black trench coat. Black clothes underneath that you can't see very well. His hair looks darker, actually, it's gelled back you notice. He isn't someone who looks as goth as the rest of the patrons here, but he doesn't stand out either. You're really taken back by how sexy he is, not like the computer dork you thought he would turn out to be.

From the look on his face, he's surprised to see you too. You wonder if he can feel the magnetic connection, it's like every move he makes is on a wire that you can feel the trembles reverberating through. You can see his dark eyes looking over your body, he even pauses on your breasts, which are accentuated by the low cut and tight corset. You can feel heat rising to you cheeks even though you curse yourself internally for it. You open your glossy. black lipsticked mouth to speak, but he beats you to it.

"NightShade, I presume?" His voice is more masculine than you thought it would be.

You're stunned for a second by him, and realize how childish it makes you seem that you're just staring at him. You also realize you never told him your real name, so you begin to blabber it out, before he stops you.

"We better stick to our code names. As you know, I go by Neo." He says and sits across from you at the booth.

You feel stupid for blurting half of your real name out like that, and know he's right. It's dangerous to even be meeting in person like this. A tiny voice in your head is disappointed you couldn't be known by him as your true self. Not just an alter ego…

"You're right, I'm sorry. NightShade it is." You say with a nervous nod. Neo is so hard to read.

Besides the initial surprise when he first walked in, he now seems as expressionless as a statue. Adding all the more allure to your already dirty mind about him.

"Well, it's good to finally meet you." Neo responds, and for some reason, you get the oddest feeling from the way his eyes look at you.

It's as if he's trying to communicate something wordlessly straight to your soul. You can't tell if it's want that fuels it, or something else, but from the way he looked over your body earlier, you wonder if he liked what he saw.

"You as well. Have you thought any more about what I had proposed?" You gently lift your cocktail to your lips, and softly sip the blood red liquid, your lipstick leaving an imprint on your straw. You wonder what your kisses would look like trailing up Neo's pale neck…

"Yes, I have. And as much as it pains me to say it," Neo says with a chuckle, the way he talks and his age advantage over you seems like he's in much more control here than you are.

Somehow the idea of him dominating this conversation turns you on, you glance at his large hands on the table, and wonder what those hands would look like on your body, especially around your pretty little throat. You're distracted from what he's saying, he says something stronger in tone and you snap back to those endless seas of black that are his eyes right now.

"I think it would be advantageous for us to work together. It's clearly not safe for me to continue to work alone if I can't keep my own ass covered. I'd like it if you could help with that." Despite Neo's words clearly asking for your help, you didn't feel as if you were the one with any power here. Somehow, you feel like the fly who's wandered into the spider's web. The question now is how far will you dip your little legs into it, dear fly?

"I…would very much like that." You say, your voice feeling small, hoping you're heard over the loud club music downstairs. "I would like to split the profits however…"

You add the last part, taking some great confidence that you only seem to find when you're talking online. Neo laughs a little and you worry he is unimpressed by you worrying about money.

"That will be no issue, I don't mind paying you for your…services…" When he says that last word, those dark eyes trail over your body once more, and you can't help but wonder the implications of what he's saying. "I think we could really start to corner this part of town for black market information…"

Something about Neo's attitude puts a chill up your spine, and a heat between your thighs. You can't help yourself, the thought of going back to your apartment after this, alone once more, is too much for you to bear. You want to be acquainted with Neo, the little voice in your head knows you've tossed the thought of something more around a few times in just this conversation. There's something dangerous about Neo, you can't tell what it is about him, but it makes you want to uncover it, find out what his code is hiding, so to say.

"I have to agree. How do you want to go about this? We can work mainly from our own stations, or…?" You begin, trying to drive your thoughts to stay on topic, work out the kinks of this budding relationship between you two.

"I think that will happen for some of the time, but I'm still going to need to give you physical copies of some of the files, and I don't trust much besides meeting up to exchange those hand to hand." Neo seems to have thought over this enough, he's also very cautious. His reserved, quiet, and dark demeanor is so hard for you to understand. If he was as cool as he seems right now, shouldn't he be able to handle himself? It's interesting to you that he needs help from someone ten years younger like you.

"That…makes sense." You nod along. "Maybe a weekly coffee date is in store…?" You say nonchalantly, not realizing you've used the word 'date'. Neo's eyes light up with something, was that a hint of desperation? It's as if you've looked past this cool exterior of a mask he has on and glimpsed into the want that he's hiding.

So it's not just you who feels this pull?

"A date…?" Neo's voice has lost the suaveness from before, now husky with need. You wonder briefly when the last time he had a date was based on this. Is he really, secretly the computer nerd you envisioned him to be? His cold and calculated behavior is slipping.

"Why…?" Your voice comes out slyly, you can't help yourself. "Would you like that?"

You tease him, your brattiness coming out, your dark makeup giving you a more sinister glance his way, you always felt more confident wearing it.

"N-No…" He starts, clearing his throat and glancing away.

There's the dork inside of him.

"I mean, we should definitely have meetings, yes. I just don't want the wrong idea…"

He says the last sentence softly, almost as if he doesn't want you to hear, or perhaps mention it. But you're suddenly in a mood, the little fly who likes to fight back.

"The wrong idea about what?" You lean over the table with a grin, your breasts pressing out of your top as you do so. Of course, Neo's eyes flash there and he is obviously kicking himself for it. "Has something transpired within you that I don't know about, Neo?"

You can't believe how bold you're being, but the way he's now clearly squirming from your questions makes you feel more in control at the moment.

"Nothing, but an interest in…" Neo drags his eyes away from your chest and continues. "In working together."

You laugh a little, but back off.

"Alright, well. Why don't you inform me on what you're working on now?" You smile, eager to begin working with this fascinating man. You feel more alive than you have in a long time, your suffocating bedroom being much of your world lately. This is exciting, and the pull you feel for Neo is undeniable. You wonder if he feels the same. Maybe you could come up with something mutually beneficial, besides working together.

"Well, currently I have some local gang members who want info from rivals who have been using an online chatroom to communicate." Neo seems relieved to get back to work talk, the stoic, quiet side of him settling back in.

"That's not very smart of the rival gang…" You mention, but nod for him to continue.

"It's not, no. But I think they have a resident coder because the chatrooms are locked up pretty tight. I wonder if any of them are secretly government…but who knows." Neo is being very kind to share this information, he must trust you enough right now to let you in, as well as coming to a commitment to your partnership. You almost bite your lip with glee over that revelation, but stop yourself.

"Interesting, I should probably work alongside you to keep you covered then. If any of them are undercovers, we don't want them noticing us in the process." Neo seems impressed by your words.

"Exactly. You're uh, pretty good at this for your age." He comments, acknowledging your age differences with caution.

"Yeah, I've been doing this for a while, and was taught by some pretty good hackers…" You shrug, as if it's no big deal. You want to be mature for him, even though 23 is plenty old, you feel quite immature half the time, hence your bratty behavior. Neo seems a bit skeptical.

"Sure…well. I hope you can do a good job of watching over me while I do the rest of the hacking. I've never had a…I don't know what to call it, an assistant?" He says trying to find the right word for you.

"Hey! I am not going to be your assistant!" You reject the notion, a bit childish of you despite your previous worry of maturity.

"Alright, alright…" Neo chuckles, raising those big hands in defeat. "What should I say instead? Colleague? Partner? Guardian Angel who looks after me?"

He jokes about the last one, but something inside you kind of likes the ring of that. You laugh along with him, you two are getting comfortable, and you notice he's leaned over the table towards you as well.

"We'll work on that one…" You say, looking into his eyes, his eyes searching yours just the same. The flash of the idea of closing the foot of space between you two and trying those soft looking lips floats by in your mind. You can just imagine what he would look like when you're done, his lips smudged with your lipstick. You can't help but want to mark your territory.

The two of you continue to discuss the details, both of you surprising the other with how much tech knowledge you both possess. Somehow, you feel as if he just gets you, it's so strange. You have felt so lonely this summer, it feels as if a fire has been ignited in you, bringing you back to life, your body buzzing. You don't know if it's the liquor you've had, which hasn't been that much really, but you feel like you could get addicted to Neo's energy. He's just so interesting.

When he asks to walk you home, you don't even think twice.

———

The night has brought rain while the two of you were in Club Hel, and Neo's mind is racing. He's absolutely obsessed with you. He couldn't take his eyes off you all night, even though he tried to act aloof and maybe even use his maturity to seem as if he has control over the situation. But the truth is, you could have him wrapped around your finger in no time.

Neo's aware of this, but the lonely loser inside him is so desperate for this connection. He feels as if he needs you. If he loses you, scares you off, that would crush him at this point. If he thought he was in trouble just from seeing your picture, coming and seeing your real life form has absolutely blown his mind. He has no idea how he scored talking to someone as sexy as you, but knows he can't screw up and show you how much of a nerdy perv he actually is. He's so glad the table hid how hard he was for you, and when you two stand up so he can show you home, he keeps his trench coat closed tight.

He quickly helps you into a cab, the rain just beginning, but by the time you're both inside the hot backseat of the cab, you're drenched. God, he can't believe how gorgeous you look with your black hair soaking wet, he watches the city lights glint off your now slippery breasts. He really can't believe you wore something so promiscuous to your first meeting with him.

He wonders if you want him as much as he wants you, but he almost can't let himself believe it. He wouldn't be able to live from another let down like that. He is pretty old to still be a virgin, one of his biggest secrets, and the fact that he's barely talked to girls, let alone never really had a girlfriend doesn't help. He's always felt like such a freak, and the stuff he's into, hobbies like hacking, kinks, or otherwise, have never been something women have been interested in.

But you?

Here you are, this gothic beauty who has the same passion as him. It's too good to be true. He can barely speak to you. He's so wrapped up in his own thoughts and nervous in the cab.

He wishes this were a real date, that taking you home meant he got to follow behind you. His thoughts tumble into going into your bedroom with you, pinning you to the bed, and him finally having his way with you. He's been picturing it all night. He wants you to moan out his name, tell him how much you want him, and take as much of his cock as physically possible.

God, he can't even hardly look at you right now his thoughts are so dirty.

"She probably thinks I'm such a huge freak I can't believe I haven't run her off yet." He finds himself thinking.

Neo wishes he could find a balance between this desperate horniess he feels for you, and being a normal man who has very good intentions with you. He can't help it, he's already lost to the thought of you tied up and willing. He can just picture his hands moving all over your body, tightening the rope where need be. He bets you even want the rope to be black.

"We're almost here…" Your angelic voice whispers to him. He's snapped out of his daydream, and he realizes the two of you are super close to his apartment. For a moment he worries he gave the driver the wrong address, but no, there you are, stepping out and leading him to your apartment.

Neo lets you take his hand, and run through the rain towards your apartment building. It's as if an electrical current is running between where you two meet, hands touching skin to skin, a need so bad that Neo wonders if he can control himself. The urge to pull you to him and smash his lips against yours, uncaring from the rain, is strong enough he has to stop himself. When you two finally get inside the building, you're shivering, your little bit of clothing soaked and not offering much heat.

"Here…" Neo says, taking his trench coat off, the leather allowing most of the water to glide off, the inside dry and warm.

"Oh! Thank you…" Your soft voice says, and Neo feels so good to be able to help you like this. When you turn to go up the stairs, Neo adjusts his cock in his pants, now that the trench coat is gone, he doesn't want you to see his hardness. He hopes you don't notice as he places it against his waistband.

The two of you walk up the stairs to your apartment, and Neo is almost angry with you that he can see up your skirt, spotting red lacy panties on your ample ass. Fuck. He has to keep it together, but it's so hard to keep his brain from fogging over with lustful thoughts of you. You two haven't even discussed anything romantic, he can't be acting like this, besides how much younger you are, you probably aren't interested, and, and…

Neo doesn't even notice you two are at your apartment before you're opening the door and turning to him. He feels entirely caught off guard by your big, innocent eyes looking up at him.

"Well, would you like to come in and dry off? I have a spare umbrella you can use when you go…?" The way you're speaking and looking at him right now, he could just grab you and push you inside, taking as much of your flesh in his mouth as possible. Besides the fact, that there's no fucking way you really invited him in.

"I-Yeah…I would like that." Neo finds his voice. It would be nice, his hair is soaking wet, now dark and in his face, the gel no longer keeping it as slicked back as he would like. He doesn't like feeling so disheveled, so out of control.

"Good, come in. You can sit on the couch…" You say to him, pointing out the couch and bouncing off to the bathroom to get a towel.

Neo sits as told, and takes in your apartment. It's small, has more rooms than his however, and the decor matches your style, a bit toned down in the living room and kitchen, but as he leans over he realizes can see into your bedroom from the couch.

He leans a bit more, and realizes he can see something else too. His cock aches when he notices that he's looking into the bathroom, the door isn't shut fully and he can see your form moving about in there. It looks like you are taking care of yourself first, stripping down from the skimpy goth outfit you had on.

Neo clutches the side of the couch, his breath stuck in his chest as he sees those lacey red panties, and now gets a glimpse of the matching bra as well. He wonders if you wore those on purpose for tonight, or if that's how you always dress.

Soon, he knows he absolutely should look away as your back is now bare, your bra slipping down your shoulders, from this angle not revealing anything quite yet. Neo can't help himself, his hand is pressed to his cock over his pants, just tiny bits of well placed pressure exciting him even more. He knows he can't look, this isn't right, he isn't supposed to see this, but god, he could cum in his pants right now if he keeps staring.

You continue to undress, your bare ass now facing Neo, your panties on the floor of the bathroom, you kick them towards a pile of clothes in the corner. Neo is totally entranced by you, rubbing on himself more and more, getting off on the fact that he shouldn't be looking, the forbidden intrigue becoming an obsession for him. He's so fucked.

He jumps when you begin to turn, and scrambles when you come out of the bathroom and into your bedroom naked. He moves back to his original position on the couch like his life depends on it, his heart beating hard. He tries to adjust to seem nonchalant when you eventually come back out, this time sporting a Bauhaus band T-shirt that's way too big for you, along with a pair of black sporty shorts. He isn't sure if this is hotter than seeing you naked to be honest, your hair is still wet, and your make up has been washed off. He feels as if he should only see this version of you if you only allowed him to be that intimate with you.

You toss him a towel and point into the bedroom.

"The bathrooms in there if you need to use it." You say with a smile, coming to sit on the couch yourself now. Neo nods and quickly stands, trying to hide his hot and hard cock. This might be his chance to help himself out, though the guilt of that is already starting as he thinks it.

He goes to the bathroom, and makes sure the door is shut. He can't let you see this. His pants are down before he can do anything else. His cock is freed, and the night air sticks to it. Fuck, he's so hard for you.

Neo is stroking himself off in your tiny little bathroom, trying to cover his mouth from heavy breathing. He's so scared you'll hear him or he'll take too much time and be suspicious. Honestly the nerves are making it hard to get off, then he sees something laying on the floor and groans.

He snatches your discarded red panties, not even questioning the morals of pressing them against his face and getting a smell of you. God, you smell so fucking sweet and musky, Neo could scream. He imagines fucking you like no other right now. He wants you against this bathroom counter, looking at your own reflection, watching yourself desperately need his cock.

He thinks about tying your hands behind your back, and pressing your face into the counter as he gets forceful with your tiny body. He's so much bigger than you by comparison, height alone gives him all the advantage he needs over keeping you in place and fuckable. He would easily be able to get what he wants from you.

The smell of your pussy on your panties is making his head spin, he keeps using his hand, harder and harder, getting to climax thinking about shooting off a load inside of you. He aims for your sink as he finishes, his disgusting actions leaving a mess there. Once again, fuck…

Neo has to just lean against the wall for a moment to catch his breath. This is the second time he's jerked off to thinking of you. God, he's such a loser. He briefly wonders if he made a mistake, if he goes back out there and by some miracle you actually brought him up here to fuck him, did he just both metaphorically and physically blow it? No, there's no way.

Neo shamefully cleans up after himself. He even makes sure to rinse his hands and the sink with soap, it wouldn't be fair to leave any evidence.

As he finishes up, and actually starts to dry himself off like he was supposed to, he sees the panties where he had set them next to the sink. He doesn't have time to think twice, he has been in here too long, so he swipes them and puts them into his pants pocket as deep as they can go. He hopes you don't notice them missing, my god, does he hope. He composes himself, then finds the confidence to stride back out there and look at you after what he's done.

You're lounging on the couch, flipping through channels on a tiny CRTV. You stop on a late night black and white horror movie. As Neo comes back out, he thinks he sees Bella Lugosi coming to seduce his female victim, and he can't help but chuckle.

"I didn't know you liked the classics." Neo says, your attention turning to him. If he just focuses on teasing you, then maybe he won't have to think about what he just did.

"Of course, Dracula is the best." You say with a smirk, as if he's the dumb one for suggesting anything else. "He's just so powerful and mysterious…"

"Powerful and mysterious, huh?" Neo responds, still standing by the couch, unsure if he's invited to join you.

"Why don't you come sit and see? It's still raining down pretty hard, maybe you should stay until it lets up…?" Neo can't believe his luck, but now he is really worried he came too soon in the bathroom. He slowly sits down next to you, hoping there isn’t some sign of what he just did in the bathroom stuck to him that he didn’t catch before.

"Alright, I'll stay for a bit," Neo tries to sound like this isn't his wildest dream right now.

The two of you continue to watch the movie as the rain gets worse outside. And somewhere between that and now, Neo realizes he may have just had that date with you anyways. His typically heavy heart feels like skyrocketing when at some point you move and lay your head into his shoulder.

The small movement shouldn't have him this flustered, but it does. The rain makes whatever perfume you're wearing smell so much better. It smells powdery with vanilla, musk, and fresh cotton mixing with the earthy scent of rain. Neo takes a deep inhale, nose tilted over your pitch black hair, and hopes you don't notice.

Eventually, the night wanes on, the storm still gently raging and the movie playing out. Somewhere amongst all of that, Neo finds his eyelids getting heavier. His body relaxes as you snuggle closer, and he can tell you are close to sleeping too. He feels like he absolutely should not fall asleep, this is so strange to him, he has never felt this sort of intimacy before. But he somehow feels so safe right now to do so, and it's not like he really has the willpower to deny you.

He lets you snuggle half into his lap, and finds himself falling into a peaceful, dreamless sleep…

———

A hot breeze flows in through your apartment window, and for a moment you wonder if this heatwave will ever break. August is droning on, not ready just yet to give out a final death rattle. Instead, it grips Chicago tightly in a humid warmth that has been suffocating, clouds threatening to rain but never delivering. You lie almost naked, save for a pair of black panties, amongst your bat themed bedding, a plushie here and there, staring up at the ceiling fan and wishing it brought you any salvation in your time of need.

It doesn't help that you are also thinking about Neo. More specifically, the last time you really saw each other. You thought maybe something more than an alliance between two hackers could have been budding when he fell asleep on your couch, but in the morning you awoke to only the scattered couch pillows on the floor.

He didn't even contact you for a week. Eventually, you heard that awaited notification noise, but it was disappointing to say the least. Neo had messaged you, but it was simply to ask if you could help with making sure he was good to hack into this or that, you really hardly cared for what the details were. The anger and hurt inside of you from being asked to be his digital guardian angel after how he treated you could rival the August heat outside.

Still, you complied. You had thought about telling him to go fuck himself, that you no longer wished to interact ever again, but what good would that do? It's not like either of you ever agreed to something more than a work based relationship. And what makes it worse is that deep down, you know how lonely the world has begun to feel. Even now, as you roll over in sweat drenched sheets, looking out to the skyline that stretches ever farther and farther, you know that despite all the inhabitants of this city, you have never felt more alone.

That fact alone was enough for you to do what Neo had asked, wanting to still be in contact with someone who may understand. Although he had ran from you, hidden away and obviously too frightened to ask to meet up again, you think the reason for all of that may be that Neo is lonely too. You have no evidence for this of course, but you could almost sense it from him. It’s something that burns low, almost burning out, inside both of you, seemed to speak without words when you met. And now all you can do is try to get your mind off it.

Tired of the thoughts running through your head, you huff, sitting up quickly and disgruntled with how much you've been lying about lately. You make the great task of getting out of bed and find yourself before your floor length mirror in your bedroom. What you see makes you frown.

Your hair is a mess, after having not washed it for a few days, your makeup is still on from last night. The black eye shadow and mascara have moved, now cascading down your cheeks in smudges. You look at your usually well kept nails, now riddled with chipped black nail polish from you don't remember when. You can't let it get to you like this any longer. You head for the shower, hoping to both cool off the summer heat, and the heat that this Neo situation has gotten you into.

———

The small fan at Neo's desk moves side to shuttering side, attempting in vain to keep the small room and it's only occupant cooled. Neo sits at his desk, head in one hand, eyes fatigued and tired, trying to fix the script for one of his latest codes.

He's been throwing himself into his work to forget about you. He hates that he got so worked up over you, that he was such a loser to even steal a pair of your panties upon his first time at your apartment. There was no way you deserved someone like him. Not to mention, that you should probably find someone around your own age, not someone like Neo, who at best is a shut-in who can't socialize, and at worst, well, to keep the depression at bay he might as well not say.

To keep this relationship between the two of you professional, he has spent the last two weeks since you two met attempting only to contact you for jobs. It was what was right, the older, more adult thing to do, instead of pursuing a young 20-something goth girl like you because he has a kink for black lipstick.

Still, he had a hard time keeping himself from you. He can hardly even admit it to himself, but he's been hacking your webcam. He starts by telling himself that he just needs to check up on you, especially when you leave his messages on read for hours, although he knows he deserves that after how he disappeared. It's innocent really, he will tell himself, that you need to be checked up on, that it's only to turn on the camera for a second to make sure nothing happened. It is, after all, dangerous work you two do.

Then, it somehow turns to leaving the camera on, letting your image sit beside him on one of the many computers at his desk. It's nice having you there, so close to your computer. You're probably working on the codes he sends you, or perhaps messaging friends, he hears a voice somewhere deep inside tell him to check out those messages as well, but he hasn't brought himself to that quite yet. No, you're simply a video on his screen, almost like watching a movie, or having someone in a cafe sitting next to him, quietly working on their own thing.

He even finds that he likes the music you play, he can't help but be interested to find out more about you in this way. He wishes he could ask you which Siouxie and The Banshee's songs are your favorite off the album, or if you had to choose, would you pick The Smiths or The Cure. It's these little questions about you that plague his mind all day when he watches you. Sure, he could simply ask you these things, but that would be both suspicious as well as violating the self appointed rule of making this a work only relationship.

The worst of it is when he can see you getting ready to leave. You still have a life outside of this. You go to Club Hel, you meet with countless other creatures of the night, and you enjoy yourself. Neo almost hates to see you putting on your goth garb for the day because that means you must be going somewhere, somewhere away from the green light of the screen where he can see you.

Neo sighs out, the heat and these thoughts getting to his head. His fist curls in his short black hair for a moment before he stands from his desk and stalks away quickly. He told himself he wouldn't watch you today, he would lay off that sort of thing, but the need to know is eating at him, and you make it so easy for him, having nothing to block his attempts to hack your webcam. If he were the adult he seems to think he is, then he would simply stop, or better yet tell you to up your cyber security.

But no, deep down, Neo knows. He knows he's weak for you. He knows he's looked through all the photos you've taken of yourself on your computer to post to this or that goth forum. He's looking at them, entranced by how bold you are, wearing only a black lacy bra in some photos with a Vivienne Westwood orb hanging between your breasts. In other's you show off your big platform Demonia's, and Neo wishes he could have you here, stepping on him with those chunky boots and telling him how pathetic he is that he has stooped so low as to cyber stalk you.

As his mind continues down its own rabbit hole with you in tow, he finds himself sitting back down at his desk. He's been a good boy today, not watching you at all yet, and it's late. So he deserves a little taste, right? Just a peek to make sure you're okay, to see what you're up to.

Before any sort of morality can plague him, his long, thin fingers are typing away, pausing only briefly to take a sip of black coffee. He keeps the drink on hand always, his desk littered with a few spare mugs, the insides of which are dry and have brown stains from where coffee used to inhabit. He continues to work around your security, until finally the screen blazes to life, showing the image of your room.

He doesn't see you in there, and for a moment a twinge of panic sets in. Are you out somewhere? You hardly left the house. Where would you even be? Probably somewhere old losers like him don't frequent, like the club. His mind burned at the idea that you could, very possibly, be out with someone else. There was no real reason for Neo assuming this, no. But the worry filled his gut right next to the lukewarm coffee, and he felt his hand tighten around the mouse.

His eyes scanned the screen for what felt like ages, before finally, your bathroom door opened, and he saw you step out in a black towel. Your long black hair is wet, leaving droplets on your shoulders. Your face is bare of your usual make up, and that, for some reason, feels more invasive for a moment to Neo than even the possibility of seeing you naked soon. In fact, his face heats up as the thought finally crosses his mind that there is no scenario in which to continue watching right now would be good, or morally right, in any such way.

There is also no world in which Neo does take his eyes away. He is glued to your pixels on the screen, and he even leans in to see better as you drop your towel on to your bedroom floor. He can see every inch of your body, so much more than what he saw in your private pictures or when he caught a glance of you through the bathroom door. No, this was enough that his cock was now struggling against his pants, which feel much too tight right now.

He is so immersed in watching your after shower routine that his hand moves on its own, opening his desk drawer and finding his current most prized possession. He finds the panties he had stolen from you when last you met, and can't help but press them against his clean shaven face, inhaling your scent while he watches you.

Soon enough, you're laying on your bed, air drying from the heat, your naked form exciting Neo through the screen. What he doesn't expect is that your own hand would snake up to your breast, your other beginning to play between your legs. Good God…Neo had never caught you playing with yourself in such a way since he started watching you. If he thought he was addicted before, it has nothing on what this does for him.

As if feeling commanded by your own touching, Neo quickly undoes his belt with a frantic and needy hand, stumbling as he does from how filled with want he is. He keeps your panties pressed firmly against his face, taking that sweet scent in while he watches you open your legs wider. He lets out a whiny breath as he finally releases his cock, his hand giving no foreplay to what he wants. He hates how much power you have over him, even if it's through a screen and that vast distance of ever flowing information. Somehow, Neo has managed to find himself entranced by you, as if you were some digital siren, beckoning him to keep watching as you dip your fingers into your cunt.

Neo's breath hitches as he continues to watch you feel yourself, and he can only imagine what it would be like to actually fill you up with his cock. If he was there, would your mouth part, opening to moan out his name? He wonders how warm you would feel around his cock, and the thought of being able to actually fuck you sends him closer to the edge.

Neo watches as you continue, your moans now loud enough that your computer microphone catches it. Neo can hear your soft, whiny moans in his headphones as you get closer, not knowing at all that he's watching you through your webcam. He has no idea that you're thinking of him as much as he is you. Not yet at least.

As you get closer, Neo's name falls from your lips in a soft whimper. Neo can hardly believe his ears, did you really just moan out his name?

It's confirmed once more as your pleading gets more frantic, as if moaning his name in such a way could will him through the computer screen and there to fuck you into your bed. You have no idea that that's what Neo wants more than anything. He stuffs his face with your stolen panties and continues to imagine parting your legs even further, his cock thrusting in and out of you instead of his own hand.

It's not until your legs shake, moving and tightening together as his name shudders from your desperate voice that Neo let's himself cum. No, he had to see that you in that moment, that ecstasy. That's what he wanted to give to you, what he imagined he had done, to make you such a mess on your own bedsheets. That's what was driving him wild right now as he finally finds his peak of pleasure.

As Neo finishes, he leans back in his chair, the little fan on his desk not doing much to cool the sweat on his skin. Neo has to find a way to catch his breath, his eyes droopy and unable to focus on much. He can still see your shape, vaguely, as you also seem exhausted in your bed so far away.

Fuck. He really was fucked, huh? There was no way he was going to be able to keep this relationship professional. Not with him stalking you, and how badly he wants you.

He can't even think of the implications right now, instead he crawls into bed, shutting off almost all of his computer screens. He leaves yours on, the green light cascading on his face. He watches you curl up on your dark bed sheets, naked and too hot for covers.

Neo falls asleep tonight to you and the sound of rain beginning to tap against his window.

-----

𐙚˙⋆.˚ ᡣ𐭩 Read chapter 4 here! Be added to Neo’s taglist here! ୨୧ૄ ࣪˖

[q8qwertyuiop8p]

Arctober Day 26 "Blood, Sweat, and Tears"

Ambessa- Why I'm Not a Fan

*I wrote this the day before the MV, so who knows, maybe that will change my mind*

Even since the first time I watched Arcane I had a special dislike for Ambessa, the only character I dislike more than her is Heimerdinger and possibly Mel. And I think the biggest reason for this is, as far as season 1 goes, there wasn't really much of a reason to like her. In fact, the only reason I've seen people like her are that they are attracted to her or see her as a girlboss.

Ambessa does have some lines that suggest she cares about Mel, like the whole "I would give you the world, child" but at the end of the day, words only go so far. Unlike with Silco and Jinx, Ambessa doesn't really act like she loves her daughter. She beheads a girl roughly Mel's age right in front of Mel, who is a child at the time, despite Mel suggesting that they spare her. She does not accept her daughter for who she is and instead exiles her, perhaps as a foil for how Silco accepts Jinx and refuses to give her up. Ambessa then shows up uninvited to Piltover, tries to compete with her daughter in everything, and continuesly talks down to Mel. She even has the audacity to blame Mel for her own exile, saying that Mel made her weak. The way she randomly showed up in the last act just using screen time to lie around indulging in her wealth and doing whatever she could to bother Mel just really annoyed me.

And that's another thing, she doesn't seem to be any better than Piltover's council. She's a wealthy, bloodthirsty warlord who doesn't care for those below her and definitely doesn't care about the zaunites either. IIRC her motives so far haven't really been anything outside of revenge or selfishness, another reason why I can't look at her the same way I look at Silco.

I've only ever seen one other person bring this up but honestly, the sexual stuff with her kinda made my skin crawl. Her obsession with the young Howl/Gorgeous Man/Local Cuisine was already weirding me out... and than she referred to him, at least once, as "child". I'm not liking the implications behind that one. Then there is the scene where Jayce is talking to her while she is relaxing in the tub. How she, without warning, without Jayce's consent, suddenly gets up and exposes herself to Jayce, who clearly is not interested. It's just all around creepy and disgusting behavior, regardless of whether she knew about him and Mel or not.

I'm hoping she will be much more nuanced in season 2, that we will get to see a better side to her. Especially considering it looks like we will be seeing a lot of her in the second season, and it's difficult for me to imagine anything convincing me to like her.

Edit: Now that I've seen the music video, young Ambessa looks pretty cool but I still absolutely hate the person she is currently in the show

[zilabee]

@javelinbk tagged me, for a thing! Thank you x

How many works do you have on ao3?

FIVE

What’s your total word count?

EIGHTY FIVE THOUSAND AND A HUNDRED AND SIXTY AND FIVE

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

wild and windy night kissing the blarney believe me when I tell you ways to love you we are all together

Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I do, I just like fandom and talking to people. I didn't know so much that there was so care about whether people answered comments or not until recently - because I don't care remotely if people reply when I comment on their fics - and if anything I always felt like I was probably annoying people by writing back, because what can you say??? But at the same time, it feels like if someone in the street stopped you and went 'oh god your hair looks LOVELY today' and you just blanked them and kept walking, you know?

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

I don't really really have that, because we have the real world for that, so we don't need that. But wild and windy night is my angstiest world so it's the angstiest ending just by default.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

In kissing the blarney I wrote them being happy right through to death, so that's the only universe where I cut off any opportunity for everything to turn to sad reality at any point, whereas usually in fic I feel like the moment we stop looking at them they'll fuck it all up and reinstate tragedy for no reason.

Do you write crossovers?

I do not. But if I did it would be this Temeraire one all day long.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? no not really Do you write smut? If so, what kind? no not really Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't think so Have you ever had a fic translated? maybe. Have you ever co-written a fic before? absolutely not

What's your all-time favourite ship?

all of the ships. and all of the other ships.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

at the moment I can't imagine ever writing anything ever again and so I fear for all the wips, sleeping quietly never to wake

What are your writing strengths?

I think just my phrasing style makes people feel slightly emotionally fragile, even when I don't necessarily mean it to. And I think it suits Beatles a lot.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I am not very competent, I make all the mistakes and then try to edit them out at the end until I get bored and leave them, nothing sits in the right place, I can't plan, i stop for months when I'm stuck, I rewrite the same section for ages when I know I should be doing anything but. I never know if I'm bothering to tell people enough, and by the time I finish I have no idea if it makes sense any more. It's just a mess. My writing.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Supernatural I think

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I don't have this, if I wanted to write for something I would probably write it.

What's your favourite fic you've written?

wild and windy night, it's lumpy and misshapen and I love it, and I love that I wrote it. I never thought I would finish it and I didn't even mean to write it, but I like that it's there, and that it says some of the things I wanted to say.

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

rain and mint tea and rambles

Hi maggots. It's me, thinking thoughts, again. I do that far too often.

Monsoon has begun, I do believe. The stupefying heat wave broke to let water crash onto the soil, out of which puffs the scent of petrichor. Ever so often the heat builds in the day, but yields to a thunderstorm come nightfall. Perhaps it'll only last a few weeks, but I'm so glad anyway.

I made a mug of mint tea. By which I mean I dropped a teabag into hot water, in one of the five mugs Lina bought me. I was so delighted last night when the heat slowly revealed the images of a whale emoji, a photo of me edited with Crowley's eyes, and fanart of me that said happy birthday, maggot prince with the Spotify code of a playlist you all added songs to. It's been days since my birthday, but I still keep finding bits of love that you sent my way.

I love the playlist. It's as chaotic as we are. There's Cavetown and ABBA and Queen, Bollywood dance music and sad songs and rap, Taylor Swift and a Rickroll and silly songs and Disney soundtracks.

Everything looks different in the rain. The leaves lose their dusty shroud, glittering emerald and lime and quivering in the damp breeze. The light is quieter, softer, grey. It smells of life. The sky swirls with clouds like Van Gogh tried to make art but ran out of paint, with only the greyish paintwater left.

I'm sorry about all the DMs and asks I haven't replied to yet. I swear it's not because I care. It's because I care too much, I care so much that sometimes it overwhelms me. Please don't stop sending me asks because of that, though. I promise I do read them, even if it takes a while for me to reply. You aren't bothering me. You could never. I love you too much. Be as crazy as you like. It's me.

Weirdly enough, as I wrote that paragraph, Nothing New by Phoebe Bridgers and Taylor Swift played. "Are we only biding time 'til I lose your attention? And someone else lights up the room? People love an ingenue." "How do I go from growing up to breaking down? And I wake up in the middle of the night, it's like I can feel time moving. How can a person know everything at 18, and nothing at 22? Will you still want me, when I'm nothing new?"

It's difficult to believe I'm 20 now. That shouldn't be allowed. It's such a weird age, isn't it, 20? It's so, so young, it's so new, it's so terrifyingly timid.

I swear I knew more at 14 than I do now. I swear so many of you know so much more than I do. I don't know anything at all, most days. I don't know who I am. But you do. Thank you for bringing out not the best of me, not the worst of me, but the realest of me.

I love you. I got into art school, by the way. Life is not going the way I expected it to. And the horrors persist, trapping me in my dreams, suffocating me the way a pillow never could. But then I wake up and I think about you, and that keeps me going.

Look at you, saving a guy, every single day. How insanely wonderful.

The rain has stilled. My brother will be pleased, he bought a ticket to go to a cricket match. I think I'll go for a drive with my mum and Roxie. She loves drives. She knows them as 'car byebyes'. She sits on my lap in the front seat and looks out the window, nose sniffing and getting excited whenever I say look, a bow-wow and a dog passes.

I'll scoot now. If this long letter landed up on your dash and messed it up, I really do apologise, I try not to tag these. If you read it this far, then wow, hi. I love you. If you skipped to the end, I love you. If you don't read this, I love you. I love you all, so much.

I hope you have the loveliest of days.

I'll see you soon, maggots of mine.

[kkyaka]

Turn Of Events

Summary: After a fire strikes your apartment and Kobori saves you, you have nowhere to go. He offers that you can stay at his place, but there's two problems with that: you have a massive crush on him, and there's only one bed. Pairing: Kobori Koji x black!fem!reader Word Count: 34,428 Warnings: firefighter!koji, mentions of reader being the hospital, mentions of reader being burned (slightly), reader's apartment catches on fire, kobori and reader have massive crushes on each other, kise and moriyama are in this, kobori works with an asshole, there was only one bed!, reader is a teacher, mentions of drinking (everyone is of age), kobori ends up in the hospital at one point, reader and kobori get sick, lots of fluffy and awkward moments, confession of feelings, smut: unprotected sex, first time, multiple orgasms, oral (m), fingering, i think that's it, if there's anything else please lmk! A/N: PLEASE ignore how badly cropped the banner is, I'm being lazy lmfao. This was a fic that was a part of my scrapped follower event lol, and it's been unfinished for so long, but I've finally finished it. It's not edited, and I don't feel like editing it right now lmfao, so I apologize for all of the typos. Another fic that has made it to the top of my favorites list lmfao, I know it's another long one, but I seriously appreciated it if you read it and reblog. Also I haven't written with this trope before, and it was so much fun lmao.

You've never been more grateful for the weekend to be here, nearly dragging yourself into your apartment. This week was draining more than usual, and you want nothing more than to get into bed and begin your peaceful weekend. You set all of your stuff down once you get inside, immediately getting in the shower. You feel significantly better when you get out of the shower, using the rest of the evening to decompress.

You catch up on your favorite show as you grade papers before you make yourself some dinner. You don't even bother staying up later than you usually do, wanting to get into bed so you can get as much sleep as possible. You scroll through your phone for a bit, making sure your alarm isn't on before you settle into bed. It takes you a while to fall asleep, watching some videos on your phone until you finally feel tired enough to fall asleep.

You don't know how long you've been sleeping, but you wake up feeling horribly warm. You sit up, thinking that something's wrong with your thermostat, but you suddenly hear sirens, jumping out of your skin when the sound fills your ears. It sounds like they're right outside your window, and it doesn't take much else for you to figure out the situation you're in. You jump out of bed as the smell of smoke fills your nose, and the adrenaline starts to rush.

You run to the door, but you scream when you touch the door handle, searing pain running through your hand. That's when you realize that the fire is in the hallway, and fear starts to eat at you. You're on the fifth floor, and you don't even know if it's safe to jump. You don't know what to do, the only thing you feel like you can do is scream for help.

You go silent when you think you hear something, but you can't be too sure. You stop screaming, and your eyes widen as relief floods through your system at the sound of a voice coming from the other side of the door. "If you can hear me, step back!" the person yells, and you quickly do, getting away from the door as much as you can.

You curl into yourself, protecting your head and neck as the door is busted down, and you look up in time to see a firefighter walking up to you. He picks you up before you can even think, quickly ushering you out of your apartment and through the fire. You bury your face in his arms as you hold onto him tightly, coughing roughly as you try not to let the smoke get into your lungs.

The moment you know you're outside is when the stifling heat is quickly replaced with the cold air of winter. You look up, seeing that they're carrying you to the back of an empty ambulance. You look past them to see your building on fire, the embers lighting up the night sky as multiple trucks try to put the fire out. They sit you down in the back of the ambulance, and an EMT immediately gives you an oxygen mask.

You try to thank them, but your lungs burn so bad that the only thing you can manage to do is cough. They leave quickly, leaving you alone with the EMT as they check you for any burns. You're able to breathe a little better, and a firefighter walks up to you once the EMT makes sure you don't have any major injuries. He takes his helmet off when he stops in front of you, and your eyes widen when you see who it is.

"Kobori?" you rasp.

"Are you okay?" he asks softly, crouching down in front of you.

You nod. "Yeah, just smoke inhalation. Were you the one who saved me?"

"Yeah. I remember you complaining about living on the fifth floor," he answers, and you try your best not to laugh so that you don't irritate your lungs.

"Thank you so much," you say before you look at your building. You stay silent as you watch the last of the embers go out, biting your lip to keep yourself from crying. "What am I gonna do?" you whisper as you look down at your hands.

Before Kobori can respond, the EMT is walking back to you, saying that they want you to spend some time in the hospital just to make sure everything is okay. That's honestly the last thing you want to do right now, but you know that you don't have any other choice.

"Thank you again, Kobori. I owe you," you tell him.

"It was no problem," he responds warmly before you move to sit in the back of the truck. You watch him get smaller as they drive off, and your smile fades as he does so.

You hear a soft knock on the door that has your head slowly turning towards it, and you smile softly with a confused frown. "What are you doing here?" you ask as Kobori walks up to the bed.

"I just wanted to make sure you had somewhere to stay for the night." You sigh heavily as you look down at your lap, shaking your head before you shrug.

"I mean, not really. My parents live three hours away, and I don't know how long it's going to take me to find another apartment. And not working for who knows how long doesn't sound the best." You sigh again, rubbing your head as you try not to cry again.

"If you're comfortable with it," Kobori starts after he clears his throat, and you wipe the tears that managed to fall as you look up at him. "You can stay with me for the time being," he finishes, and you swear you see his ears turning red.

"Seriously?" you ask. "I can't ask you to do that, Kobori."

"I don't mind. And I don't feel good about you driving home at this time of night," he continues, and you look somewhere else in the room as you think about it. It would be better honestly, and the last thing you want to do right now is drive home.

"Okay. Thank you, Kobori. I owe you."

"Don't mention it. It's the least I could do." He smiles back at you when you do, and you rub over your face again as the fatigue really starts to get to you, the adrenaline you were feeling when you realized that your building was on fire long gone. "Did you call your parents?"

You nod with a huff. "Yeah, it took me everything to convince them not to come down here. I told them that I was just fine, but I kinda told them I already had a place to stay even though I didn't, so you really saved my ass." You both laugh softly in the quiet room before it slowly fades to silence. "I should be good to go in about an hour or so," you add.

"Sounds good," he responds before he sits down in the chair.

"You're staying?" you question as he gets comfortable.

"Yeah. My chief let me go early since I knew someone that was in the fire, so I've got nothing to do."

"Oh, okay. As long as I'm not bothering you," you say quietly.

"You could never bother me," he says even lower than you spoke, but you hear it anyway, and you look down at your lap as you bite your lip to fight your smile, your face growing warm.

You make small talk while you wait to be cleared, and it's seriously the highlight of your night. You and Kobori went to high school and college together, staying in contact after you graduated, but it kind of fizzled out once life started getting a little more demanding. You actually ran into him a couple of months ago at the store, and that's when you told him about your apartment, complaining about the elevator being broken at the time and all of the stairs you had to climb.

The fact that he remembered that makes you smile as you talk to him, surprised that he hadn't forgotten that. But it's not like you were any better. You played that conversation over and over in your head, but you never had the courage to reach out to him again. To most people, it was obvious you had a crush on him, but to him, it didn't seem like he knew, which did and did not work out in your favor.

Seeing him again only made you realize that your feelings for him never left even when you tried dating in the past. Kise always told you that you should say something, or that he would subtly tell Kobori how you were feeling, but you always told him not to. You hung out with him and Kise most of the time, and you didn't really want to deal with being rejected and potentially losing one of your best friends.

You thought about doing it once you graduated, but you both were going different ways, and you figured it would be for the best if you just kept quiet. But even years after that, you still regret not telling him how you felt; maybe you could've been with him now if you had.

You brush those thoughts away as the doctor comes back in to clear you, telling you some routine things about recovering at home. You sigh heavily again when you finally walk out of the hospital, grabbing onto your jacket tighter as the cold air hits your skin, and you realize that you still have his jacket on.

"Oh, you probably want this back," you tell him once you get in the car, in the process of taking it off when he stops you.

"You can keep it. You need it more than me right now anyway," he says softly, and you quickly pull it closer to your body. The both of you are mostly quiet on the ride back to his apartment, occasionally talking before the music quietly playing from the radio flows through the car again.

You yawn once he parks the car, blinking the tears from your eyes as you get out. You follow him to his apartment, closing the door softly behind you once you make your way inside as he turns on one of the lights. You look around as he slides his shoes off before he sighs.

"You can take the bed if you want."

"There's only one room?"

"Yeah, I didn't really think about that before I offered," he chuckles awkwardly. "But I don't mind sleeping on the couch."

"No, Kobori, I can't take your bed," you say. "I'm okay with sleeping on the couch. I mean, you're already letting me stay here, and that's more than enough."

"Seriously, I don't mind. You need the sleep, too."

"I'm not taking your bed," you declare before you sit down on the couch. "And this is really comfortable, so I'll sleep here." He places his hands on his hips before he sighs with a huff.

"Alright," he sighs, giving in. "Did you wanna hop in the shower?" he asks, and you quickly stand up.

"That sounds amazing right now." He leads you to the bathroom before showing you how to work the shower before he gets you the stuff that you need. You hear him come back into the bathroom as you're setting the water to the temperature you like, and you turn around to see him with some clothes in his hand.

"You can wear this, and um..." he starts, handing you the clothes when you stretch your hand out. "I don't really have any pants for you to wear, so...uh, yeah," he finishes with his face red before he walks out of the bathroom, quickly and quietly closing the door behind him.

You frown at his actions before you set the shirt on the counter, but something falls as you do so. You pick it up, seeing that it's a pair of his boxers, and the only thing you can do is laugh, feeling too tired to think about anything else.

You shower quickly, sleep screaming your name at this point, and once you're done, you make your way back to the living room, seeing blankets and a pillow already set up. You get comfortable on the couch as you hear Kobori walk into the room, and you curl into yourself as you look at him.

"Did you need anything else?" he asks, and you shake your head as you yawn again.

"You've honestly done more than enough. Thank you so much."

"Yeah, of course," he smiles. "Goodnight."

"Night," you smile before he turns off the light, giving you one last smile before he goes into his room. You lay down as you hear him close the door, and you know that high school you would be absolutely freaking out right now, but current you is too tired to care. You let your eyes fall closed as your breathing starts to even out, and you're sure it doesn't take you even ten minutes for you to fall asleep.

~

You stir awake with the sudden urge to pee, so you groggily make your way to the bathroom. You barely spare a glance in the mirror, wanting to go back to sleep as soon as possible. You yawn as you make your way back to the couch when Kobori comes into the apartment with a box in his hands.

You stop as you watch him turn around to close the door with his foot, and he stops when he sees you after he turns around. "Oh, you're awake," he says softly before you walks over to set the box down next to some other ones. You didn't even see them on your way to the bathroom, and you quietly follow him.

"What's all of this?"

"Your stuff," he sighs as he carefully puts the box on the floor.

"My stuff?" you question, your brain still waking up.

"Yeah," he starts as he stands before turning to look at you. "They cleared the building, so I went and got your things," he explains. "You got lucky. Most of it was fine." You walk closer to the boxes as you look at everything. "I figured you want to go, but you seemed really tired, so I just went myself. We can go back together if there's something that's missing."

"Well, since you brought some clothes, I'll get ready, and we can go," you respond, crouching down in front of the box with that word written on it. "Thank you, Kobori," you tell him, looking over your shoulder at him.

"Of course. Let me know when you're ready," he smiles before he walks off.

You look through the box, finding some sweatpants, and you debate in your head if you should take off his shirt. You really don't want to, but you don't want to think about this any longer, so you just grab the sweatpants before finding some socks, and heading to the bathroom to get ready.

Once you're in the car, you honestly don't know what to think as you drive back to your apartment. You know that your apartment was on fire last night, but it's like it hasn't actually hit you yet. You don't say anything as Kobori pulls into the parking lot, and now that the sun is out, you can see how much damage the fire actually did.

Turns out, someone on the lower floor left something plugged in before they left for work, but Kobori also told you that there wasn't that caused the fire to spread as fast as it did. He didn't go into the details because you didn't really want to know. You just wish it didn't happen in the first place.

Other firefighters are scattered around the building, and Kobori carefully leads you to your apartment. Compared to the lower floors, your floor doesn't look as bad, but you can still smell the smoke and see how much of the hallways have been burned. Kobori leads you to your room, and it finally hits you when your eyes land on the stuff of yours that didn't survive the fire.

You look around before you run your hand over your head. "Shit," you whisper, sniffing as you try and fail to fight your tears. "God, what am I gonna do?" you say, your voice shaky. A sob makes its way out of your chest, and you hold your hand over your face.

You don't even know when Kobori walked over to you, but you immediately sink into him when you feel him wrap his arms around you, pulling you into him. You don't know how long he holds you, but it seems like all of your feelings have finally bubbled over after brewing for so long. You didn't even know you were feeling like this until this point, and for a second, you wonder if you're dreaming.

You wonder if you're going to wake up in your apartment, completely intact, and you'll brush your teeth and wash your face before you decide what to eat for breakfast. You'll sit down at your kitchen table as you decide what to do for the day since it's the weekend and you're not working. You turn your head to the side to catch your breath, and it only makes you see that none of this is a dream; it's all real.

Your head is pounding by the time you've finally stopped crying, the only sound that fills the room is your sniffling, but you don't pull away from Kobori just yet. Being in his arms feels the best right now, and you don't want to leave. You're not ready to focus on your room again.

He continues to rub over your back, and you can feel his chest rise and fall every now and then, like he's trying to figure out what to say. You feel bad for putting him in this position, and you're about to apologize for doing so, but he speaks before you can.

"Do you feel better?" he asks softly, and it actually makes you laugh, moving your arms so that they're wrapped around him.

"I do, actually," you say against him as you sniffle. "Is...is it okay if we stay like this for a little longer?" you whisper after you're silent for a while, using the time to get some courage to utter the words.

You feel one of his hands rest on your head as he huffs. "Of course. Take all the time you need."

You don't feel like crying anymore, and you swear just by hugging him, you're already starting to feel way better than you've felt the last day. You don't know how much time has passed, but you take a deep breath before you start to pull away, and your body suddenly feels cold where it was pressed against him.

"Okay," you sigh before you look at the damage again. You close your eyes before you take another deep breath, opening them as you feel better prepared to get the rest of your stuff.

Most of your prized possessions were in your room, which thankfully, wasn't near the hallway. Kobori bought more boxes, so you pack up the stuff that he didn't grab, starting in your room since you're not ready to see what else has been ruined in the living room.

When you're done filling a box, he takes it to the car, and you try to offer to help him do so since there are so many stairs he has to go up and down, but he insists that you stay and pack everything up. Once your room is clear, save for the furniture that was already in here when you moved in, you move to the bathroom next. Some of your products aren't salvageable since the heat from the fire melted the plastics, so you put those into the trash bag that Kobori also brought.

The living room is the last place you get to, and anything that was on the wall of the hallway is destroyed. All of your posters are on the ground, some half burned, others completely unrecognizable. Most of your photos that held so many key memories are gone, and you see half of one on the floor, and you close your eyes as you put it into the trash, a couple of tears leaving your eyes as you do.

You feel lighter, for lack of a better word, once you're done, helping Kobori take the last of your stuff to the car. He packs up the car while you get into the passenger seat, and you can only stare at your apartment as you wonder what you're going to do now. There's no way you're going to be able to find a decent apartment on such short notice, and you really don't want to inconvenience Kobori even more than you already have.

You're jolted out of your thoughts when you hear the driver's side door open, Kobori sighing softly as he gets in. You don't say anything as he drives off, and you look at your apartment until you can't see it anymore. Even though you're looking out the window as he drives, you're not noticing anything as you pass building after building.

When the car stops, you realize that you're not in the parking lot of Kobori's apartment, but in the parking lot of the small cafe you used to go to all the time in college. "What are we doing here?" you ask as he takes off his seatbelt.

"You haven't eaten, right?" is all he says before he gets out of the car. You slowly follow behind him, stepping in tow with him as you walk up to the door. You softly thank him when he holds the door open for you, and when you step inside, the smells that fill your nose take you right back to when you were in college.

You actually haven't been here in a long time because it's not really in the direction of where you work. You rarely come here unless you're really craving something, and that always makes you feel some type of way especially since you were here so many times when you were in school.

You scan the menu even though you already know what you want, and you look around the place just to see if anything's changed. There hasn't been much, but you notice that the theme of the place has changed, and the chairs and booths don't look like the ones they had back then.

"Come on, let's go sit," Kobori tells you softly, a hand on your back to guide you to a table.

"Wait, what? But I didn't order anything," you tell him as he pulls out your chair for you. He has to gently push you to sit down since you're still stuck on what he said.

"I already ordered for the both of us," he says, sliding the receipt to you as he sits across from you. You pull it closer to you to see that he ordered what you were going to.

"You still remember?" you question softly, a smile pulling at the corner of your mouth.

"Of course," he responds quietly, his ears turning red as he has a hard time holding eye contact with you.

"I'll pay you back," you say as he sticks a straw in your drink before passing it your way.

"You don't have to do that. You've been through enough already." You take a sip of your drink with the intent of replying after you swallow, but when the taste of the liquid hits your tongue, your thoughts take another direction.

"You even got the drink I used to get?" you ask, drinking some more. "How do you even remember that?" you follow up as he drinks from his cup.

"I've always had a good memory," he answers, and you don't deny that at all. You remember all the times he remembered even the little things, and to this day, it still amazes you that he can remember all of that stuff.

His name is called for the food a couple of seconds later, and he gets up to get it while you check your phone. Luckily, it wasn't ruined during the fire, and you start to text back some people, responding to them after they heard what happened. You used Kobori's phone earlier before you got to your apartment to let your co-workers know that you might be out for a couple of days, and you called your parents to let them know that you were doing fine.

He comes back with the food, and you put it down, your mouth watering at the same time your stomach grumbles when you see the food. You must've been really tired because you slept until the afternoon, so it's been a while since you've eaten.

It doesn't take you long to finish your food, barely giving yourself time to reminisce the last time you've eaten this food, and you sigh heavily as you swallow the last bite. "I really needed that," you comment, your head feeling better after you've eaten. "I can't remember the last time I've eaten here."

"Really?" he questions, his eyebrows raising.

"Yeah. It's like out of my way from work, and the traffic is always bad when I try to come from home, so I just never got over here," you answer. "But, thank you for this. I feel like I've told you that so many times," you huff, resting your arms on the table as you look down at it for a second. "I seriously don't know how I can pay you back."

"When I say don't worry about it. I mean it," he states. "You would do the same for me."

And he's not wrong about that.

You've been staying with Kobori for a couple of weeks now, and you still haven't found a place to stay. It's not like you want to leave Kobori, but you feel like you've intruded more than enough. It would be different if you were dating, but even though he's one of your best friends, you don't want to encroach on his privacy.

Every place that you've found for a decent price is nowhere near where you work, and you would rather not deal with the traffic. Kobori's place is actually a little bit closer to your job than your place, so you're enjoying the fact that you can sleep in for a little bit longer.

You sigh as you close out another tab on your laptop after another failed attempt at looking for a place, laying back against the couch. Not only do you feel bad for being in Kobori's space, but all of your stuff is just sitting in his living room. You roll your head to the side as you look at all of the boxes, seeing how they make the space look so much smaller.

"You okay?" You turn your head when you hear him speak, looking at him just in time to see him stopping by the couch.

"Just struggling to find a new place," you answer. Even if you could move back into your apartment, it would take a long time for the building to be rebuilt, so you figured it would be better to try and find somewhere else to live.

"You're not tired of me already, are you?" he jokes as he sits down next to you.

"Of course not," you respond, smiling widely. "I just feel bad. Like I'm impeding on your space," you continue, waving to the boxes behind you.

"When I say that you're not, I mean it," he states. "And when I'm hanging out with friends, I don't even host, so I promise you're not impeding on anything." That doesn't make you feel completely better, but at least you're not doing as much damage as you thought. "But, besides that, you still can't find anything?"

You sigh as you shake your head. "No. Everything is either too far away from work or out of my price range. It's gonna be forever before I can find a new place."

"Well, good thing I won't be kicking you out any time soon," he says, and the both of you laugh softly even though your heart skips at his words.

"Thanks, Kobori. I seriously don't know what I would've done without you."

"Any time," he replies, and you let the silence fall between you two, but it's not uncomfortable.

You have to go to bed soon, a yawn coming out of your mouth signaling that you should be getting ready to turn in for the night. Kobori uses the bathroom first since he has to go to work, and once he's out, you go in, doing your night routine before you head out into the living room.

Kobori's at the door as he slides his shoes on, and you make your bed on the couch before lying down. "See you in the morning," he tells you softly, and you give him a warm smile as you pull the blanket up to your chin.

"See you," you whisper before he smiles at you, turning off the lights before heading out the door.

As you wait for the melatonin to kick in, your thoughts run as you think about how you really don't want to live anywhere else other than with Kobori. You hadn't even told Kise about where you're living, only telling him that you're staying with a friend until you can find a new place. You figured Kobori hadn't told him either, or else he would've been here the minute either of you uttered a word about it.

You feel like you're back in school, debating whether or not you should tell Kobori how you feel. But once again, you're faced with a dilemma. If you do say something, and he doesn't feel the same way, you'd either be stuck here or sleeping somewhere else if you can even find someone willing to let you stay with them for a long time.

Once you feel the melatonin start to work its magic, you roll over, closing your eyes as you try to let it do its job. You can't help it when you close your eyes though, thinking about what it would be like if you confessed your feelings to him, and it worked out for the better.

~

You're woken up by a soft shake on your shoulder, and you groan softly before you roll over. You peel your eyes open to see that the sun is starting to come in through the windows, and Kobori's standing above you. You can't help but smile, enjoying that he's the first thing you see when you wake up, but you quickly push it aside, focusing on trying to get your body to wake up.

"Morning," he says softly.

"Morning," you whisper, turning your head to the side to yawn. "What time is it? I can make breakfast," you offer as you sit up, and Kobori steps back to give you space.

"Like six forty-five," he answers. "You don't have to do that since you just woke up," he tries, but you're quick to shake your head as you place your feet on the floor.

"No. I'm not doing anything around here. So, I'm going to make you some food," you declare and he smiles when you laugh.

"If you say so," he says before you grab your clothes for the day and head to the bathroom after you pick out what to wear. You get yourself ready, the process allowing your body enough to wake up and tell you that you're hungry. You hear him get in the shower while you're cooking, and you look over your shoulder briefly when you hear the water stop running. You turn in time to see him walk into his room, and you quickly look back at the food on the stove as your face warms.

He wasn't paying any attention to you, but with only a towel covering his lower half, you don't know if you'll be able to focus for the rest of the day. Sure, you've seen him shirtless before when you've gone to the pool or the beach with other friends, but being in his place with an image of him in nothing but a towel only fuels your thoughts.

You physically shake your head as you try to think about anything else but him, turning your focus onto splitting the food on separate plates. He comes into the kitchen a little bit later, fully dressed, and you can barely look at him, only seeing that previous image in your eyes.

"Smells amazing," he comments as he sits down at the island. You smile as you slide a plate over to him before you pour the both of you something to drink before you sit next to him. "Thank you."

"Of course. I hope you like it," you say before you both start to eat. You make small talk after he compliments the food, and you talk even after you're done eating, only cutting the conversation short once you see what time it is. You wince a bit when you stand up, putting a hand on your back as you try to stretch, rubbing over your shoulders as you place your dishes in the sink.

"You okay?" you hear him question.

"Yeah, just the couch is kinda killing me, but it's no big deal," you answer honestly, feeling like you may not be able to lie to him. The couch wasn't uncomfortable, but sleeping on it for days on end really has your body protesting. You didn't want to tell him, and the look on his face when you turn around really makes you wish you would've at least tried to lie.

"You know," he starts. "You can sleep in my bed," he offers suddenly, and that makes you stop a bit, your eyes widening a little bit as he looks away. "We don't have the same schedules, so we won't be sleeping together," he explains, and you have to fight the urge to deflate. He's right. You'll never be in bed with him at the same time.

You're happy to hear that you can get off the couch, but you're also disappointed that he won't be with you. "Are you sure? I can handle the couch, I'll just have to do a little stretching in the morning."

He nods. "Of course. I don't want you to be in so much pain, and like I said, we're never sharing the bed at the same time, so it's a win-win." You think it's more of a win-lose, but you obviously don't tell him that.

"If you're sure that's okay, then thanks," you accept rather quickly, the thought of your body not aching every day you wake up winning over the fact that you'll be sleeping alone.

"I'm sure. It's all yours," he smiles.

"Okay, if you say so," you say softly before looking at the time on the oven. "I should probably go. And thank you again," you continue before you start to get your stuff together, moving toward the door to put your shoes on.

"And thank you for the food. It was really good."

"You're welcome," you smile as you finish putting on your shoes. "I'll see you later," you tell him before you open the door, closing it softly behind you.

You were honestly still feeling a little down about your apartment, but seeing how happy your students were to see you again made you so much happier. All of your co-workers and your boss were really understanding, letting you take as much time as you needed until you could go back to work.

You didn't want to stay away for too long, and thanks to Kobori, you were able to go back a lot sooner than you thought. Your kids all gasp when they see you once they walk into the classroom, hugging you as they tell you how much they missed you. You're thankful that you're back to work again since it gives you a chance to get your mind off of Kobori. He and your feelings have been plaguing your mind for the past couple of weeks, and you're glad you don't have a moment to think about either.

The day goes by surprisingly fast, and by the time you get into the car, you're already feeling the day catch up with you. You were on your feet for most of the day, your lower back aching with complaints, and you're glad that Kobori offered his bed. Now that you're working again, you don't know if you would've been able to handle the couch for much longer.

You try to stay as quiet as possible when you get home since you know that Kobori's still asleep, carefully closing the door before you take your shoes off. You sit on the couch as you turn the TV on, turning the volume down before you start working on some new lesson plans. One of your friends filled in for you, and you said that you would grade all of the stuff that she gave your students since she'd already done enough for you.

You put the answer key to the side as you begin to go through the papers, and you dive into work mode, trying to get as much done as possible so you can relax for the rest of the night. You hear a door open, quickly followed by footsteps, and you finish marking the last paper before you look over your shoulder.

"When did you get home?" Kobori asks you quietly before he yawns.

"A few hours ago," you answer, clicking your pen as you stack all of your papers before sliding them into your bag. "How'd you sleep?"

"Pretty good actually. We actually got a lot of calls last night, so I really needed the sleep."

"That's good," you respond. "I was thinking of some stuff for dinner, is there anything that you wanted?" you ask, standing up to stretch.

"You're making dinner?" he asks.

You shrug. "Sure. If that's okay. I'm done for the night, so I've got nothing else to do."

"Yeah, if you wanna go ahead. I don't care what you make," he says, yawning again before he heads to the bathroom.

You had multiple ideas on what to make for dinner, but you settled on one that you'd been craving for a while, so you get to cooking. You put in one of your earbuds so you can listen to music as you do so, singing quietly, dancing a little every now and then.

You're so into it that you don't even notice Kobori come back into the room, only seeing him out of the corner of your eye when you glance to the side. You jump as you scream, careful not to drop the pan in your hand. "Oh, my God!" you laugh as you sigh, dropping your head.

"I didn't wanna scare you by saying something, but it looks like I did anyway," he smiles, and you look at him as you shake your head.

"Don't worry about it," you breathe, still laughing a bit. "It's almost done."

"It smells really good," he comments as he sits down, and you make your plates before you turn the stove off, moving around to sit next to him as you slide him the plate. "Thanks for cooking," he tells you as you start to eat, your stomach screaming at you to eat something.

"Of course. I like doing it, so I hope you enjoy it."

Kobori asks about your day as you eat, and you're glad for it since you sometimes can eat too fast when you're hungry. You finish your food before he does despite doing most of the talking, and you get yourself a little more food. Kobori gets himself another serving as you finish up your food.

"This was probably the best thing I've ever tasted," he comments as he takes the last bite.

"You don't have to say all that," you chuckle softly, trying and failing to stop your face from becoming hot.

"No, seriously. I haven't had a cooked meal in a long time," he says. "When I come home from work, I usually just heat up something real quick, and I get something to eat on the way. So, this is an upgrade."

"Well, thank you. I'm glad you can eat some good food," you laugh as he stands to take your dishes to the sink. He starts to wash the dishes, which he insists that he should do since you cooked, and you move back to the couch, scrolling on your phone since nothing you watch is playing on TV right now.

Kobori joins you once he's finished with the dishes, and he changes the channel while you continue to scroll through your phone. You don't say anything, and you don't feel like you need to say anything, but you can't help but notice how close he's sitting to you. You didn't realize it since you were looking down, but he shifted a bit and his shoulder brushed against yours.

You internally shake your head at how you're reacting to a little touch, trying your best to not focus on it. The only thing you really want to do is just lay your head on his shoulder, but you don't want to make things weird. It seems like time slows down as you sit there drowning in your thoughts, and you're only jumped out of them when Kobori stands up all of a sudden.

You check the time to see that he's got to go to work soon, and you notice that he's already dressed. You stand up, walking to the kitchen as he puts his shoes on, and you walk up to him as he grabs his keys. "I made you lunch," you start, feeling ridiculously nervous as you hold it out to him. "I know you didn't ask, but I figured you do get a lunch break, right? You don't have to take it if you don't want to. I probably should've asked first."

You're rambling at this point and beyond embarrassed, two seconds from just walking away and crawling into a hole, but then he smiles as he takes it from you. "Thank you. I'll enjoy this." Your smile instantly comes back as you nod.

"No problem. See you tomorrow."

"See ya." You watch him leave, and as soon as you can't hear his footsteps, you sigh heavily before you scream softly. You put your palm to your forehead as you shake your head, moving into the bathroom to get ready for the night. When you're done, you realize that you didn't ask him what side of the bed he sleeps on, but you don't even know how you would've brought that up in conversation without sounding so awkward.

You can't tell since he's made the bed, but you just pick a side since you're tired, choosing the one further away from the door. You groan softly as you settle under the blanket, his bed being way more comfortable than the couch, and you're pretty sure it's better than yours. You set your alarm before you pull the blanket up to your chin, and you don't even have the time to overthink about anything else because you fall asleep in seconds.

Kobori groans softly as he sits down, hoping that he can get at least halfway through his lunch before the alarm rings again signaling another emergency. He can't help but smile as he thinks about how you gave him lunch before he left. Like he told you, he usually ends up getting something, or if he doesn't feel like going out, just getting something from the vending machine.

He had no doubt that it was going to be good, but just tasting it really hit the spot for him. "And you've got another lunch packed for. Where did you get that from?" he hears, Kobori glancing to the side to see Moriyama sitting next to him.

"Nowhere," he mumbles around a mouthful of food. So far, he's been able to go through his shifts without his friends finding out about this, but he knew it was only a matter of time before they found out.

"Looks really good," he comments. "You don't cook, Kobori, so who's giving it to you?" Kobori just chooses to ignore him, focusing on eating. More of his friends come and comment on the food, but he doesn't say anything, giving vague answers.

He knows that the moment he starts talking, he'll be found out immediately, and the last thing he needs is for Kise to find out, who thankfully, isn't working tonight. He tries to keep his composure as they ask if he's with someone now, but he remains expressionless, refusing to give any answers.

"What if it's the woman he saved from that fire?" one of them suddenly asks, and that makes him freeze just a bit, he tries to play it off, but they catch it instantly.

"So, she's the one who made this," Moriyama concludes.

"No, she didn't," Kobori tries to deny, but there's no use. They're already onto him.

"Dude, you ran into that burning building against orders, and you came out with someone that you clearly knew," one of his co-workers continues.

"That doesn't mean that she made it," he mumbles, finishing up the last bits of food before he puts the container back into the lunch box. Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you look at it, the alarm goes off, signaling that they have to get to work. He's quick to move, putting his stuff away before getting his gear on.

Of course, he's not saved forever as his friends mess with him about it for the rest of his shift. Kobori knows Kise will definitely hear about this, and there's nothing he can do but prepare for it. He'll just deny, deny, deny until he can't anymore.

Work goes pretty slow since they don't get many calls, and that means he's stuck with Moriyama's prying. "So, you're still into her after all of these years," he says as they do some chores around the firehouse. Kobori stays silent, but he can feel his ears growing warm, which ultimately betrays him. "So, I'm assuming she's living with you now, and I gotta say, people usually date first before moving in with someone."

"It's not like that," he counters quickly before he sighs. "Her parents live three hours away, and there was no way I could leave her to figure stuff out. Who knows how long it would've taken her to find a place to stay," he argues. "And I would do the same for you guys, so there's no need to make this weird."

Moriyama stops what he's doing to place a hand on his shoulder, which gets Kobori to stop moving. "You're currently living with the girl that you've had feelings for since you met her. She made you lunch, dude. Are you really not gonna say anything?"

"She was just being nice," he denies.

Kobori always thought that he was being subtle with his feelings, but he definitely wasn't since all of his teammates caught on right away. They always tried to get him to say something, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Once you graduated, he thought he wouldn't have to fight this battle again, but you've crossed paths again, so he knows that they're never going to let him live this down.

"You are so hopeless," Moriyama sighs, but he drops the subject thankfully, and Kobori goes the rest of his shift without too much teasing from his friends.

~

You're lying on the couch watching TV after a long morning of grading papers, mostly paying attention to your phone as you try to figure out what to do to cure your boredom. Kobori's been back from work for a while, so you try to think of something you could do that hopefully won't cause too much noise.

You groan softly as you sit up, freezing when you hear a knock on the door. You frown as you slowly stand, not remembering Kobori telling you about anyone coming over. You tiptoe to the door, peeking through the peephole, and your heart drops when you see who's on the other side.

You try to slowly step back, hoping that you can just pretend that you didn't hear it. "I know you're in there," Kise singsongs, your name coming from his mouth making you sigh in annoyance. You stomp your foot softly as you grimace, deciding that you have no other option but to open the door. You know he's not going to leave; he'll probably stand out there until Kobori wakes up, and then he'll break him down until he eventually opens the door.

You have a blank look on your face as you open the door, rolling your eyes when you see him smiling back at you. "What are you doing here?" you question, not letting him in just yet.

"I could ask you the same thing, no?" he teases, letting himself in, and you close the door behind him.

"Keep it down, okay? Kobori's sleeping right now," you warn gently, sitting back down on the couch.

"Look at you, looking out for your boyfriend," he coos.

"Fuck you," you say lightly. He laughs softly as he sits down next to you.

"So, how long have you two been living together?" he muses, and you sigh as rest back against the couch before letting your head fall back, ignoring his playful jab.

"A couple of months now," you answer honestly. "Believe it or not, it's hard to find a place that fits everything that I need."

"I'm sorry about your place, and I'm glad you're okay," he tells you softly, and you give him a soft smile when you turn your head to look at him.

"Thanks, Kise."

"So, this is the part of the story where you finally stop pining over him and just confess?" Your smile drops quickly, deciding to turn your attention back to the ceiling.

"I was not pining, okay? And how am I supposed to even bring that up without it being awkward?" you ask. "If it goes horribly, there's no way I'm staying here. So, I would rather just not say anything than lose the place I'm living at."

"I've been telling you this for years," he sighs. "It's not gonna go bad."

"I'm not telling him, Kise," you conclude. "At least not while I'm living under the same roof as him." You know he's about to say something in response, but he stops when he hears a door open. You lift your head to look over the couch, seeing Kobori come into view as he yawns.

He stops quickly as his face drops when his eyes on Kise, and he doesn't even fight the urge to roll his eyes. "What are you doing in my home, Kise?" he questions, walking further into the living room so that he's standing in front of both of you.

"Well, your roommate invited me in," he jabs, and it's your turn to roll your eyes. "Why didn't you tell me you guys moved into together?"

"Why would we need to?" he questions, crossing his arms.

"Come on, we've been friends for years, guys!" Kise tries.

"And you're still just as annoying," you groan. Kise gives you a look before you turn to Kobori. "Any requests for dinner?"

"You know I'm gonna eat whatever you make," he smiles, and you can't help but return it, getting up to make your way into the kitchen, Kobori's eyes still on you as you walk into the kitchen. He turns his attention back to the intruder in his apartment, his smile dropping when he sees that he's looking at him with a smirk.

"I knew Moriyama wouldn't keep his mouth shut," Kobori whispers as he walks over to the couch, sighing as he sits down. "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd go through that same spiel."

"And I still think that you should. What's the worst that could happen?" Kise asks.

"I could lose a really good friend," he answers. "And I don't wanna make her feel weird if I tell her how I feel. She hasn't found a place yet, and I don't want to put her in that position."

"You guys are seriously so annoying," Kise whines, letting his head fall back onto the couch before he quickly lifts it back up again. "What would it take for me to convince you that it won't end badly?"

"A million dollars," Kobori drawls. "It's not happening, Kise." Kobori looks at the TV, trying his best to keep his attention on the screen even though he can see his friend's eyes boring into the side of his head in his peripheral.

"But, this could be your chance, no? Do you remember how upset you were when we graduated, and you realized that we probably wouldn't be seeing each other as much anymore?"

Kobori doesn't respond, sighing as he crosses his arms. How could he forget about that? Yeah, he was happy to finally be done with school, but when he said goodbye to you that day he graduated, the only thing he could think about as he watched you walk away was how his feelings for you never left, and that he missed his chance to tell you how he really felt.

He wasn't himself for a while after that, wanting to just text you and just tell you everything, but he thought that wasn't something that he should say over text. You continued to talk after you graduated, and Kobori never had the courage to say anything, always typing it out but deleting it right after. After a couple of years, the texts started to fizzle out between the two of you, life just getting the best of you both.

That was definitely not what he wanted, but then he ran into you at the store, and it's like his feelings for you hit him full force the moment he saw you in the aisle that day. He obviously didn't think that he would meet you again by saving you from your apartment, but Kise's words play over and over in his head. Is this really his chance? Kise's always told him that it wouldn't end badly like he thinks it will, but he still has that fear underlying in his thoughts.

Before he can think any more, the call of his name from the kitchen breaks him out of his thoughts. He's quick to get up, not wanting to be a part of this conversation anymore, and Kise follows shortly after once Kobori sits down at the island.

"Do you want any, Kise?" you ask.

"No, I already ate, but it smells amazing." You thank him as you make yourself a plate, and luckily for the both of you, Kise doesn't hint at your feelings as you all talk. Kise offers to take Kobori to work as he finishes up eating, which Kobori begrudgingly agrees to before he goes to get ready. Kise chuckles a bit as he watches you make lunch for Kobori, and you glance over your shoulder when you hear it.

"What?"

"You know our friends won't stop messing with Kobori about his packed lunches," he tells you. "They're trying to figure out who he's dating." That makes you freeze a bit, your movements faltering, but you can't play it off enough that it goes missing by Kise.

"I'm guessing a lot of you guys don't get lunches?" you try to joke, trying to shake off what he told you.

"A lot of us are painfully single," Kise laughs. "Kobori used to be one of those people."

"Stop saying that," you hiss, looking towards the hallway to make sure Kobori can't hear him. "We're just friends. I'm just being nice," you continue. "He's letting me stay here. He won't even let me help him with the rent," you say, shaking your head.

"Isn't he so sweet?"

You squint your eyes at him as Kobori comes back into the room, dressed for work. You hand him the lunchbox as Kise jokingly asks if you can make one for him before Kobori all but shoves him out of the door. "See you in the morning," Kobori tells you warmly, and you return the phrase, both of you smiling as he closes the door behind him.

It's already been half a year living with Kobori, and you honestly didn't know time could fly by so fast. You found a couple of places to live, and Kobori always went with you to the open houses, but by the time you wanted to put an offer on it, it was either already gone or the prices went up way past your budget.

There's a part of you that's relieved that you didn't get the place because every time you found a new place, there was a sinking feeling in your heart. You don't even want to think about living without Kobori, and there are periods of time when you don't even bother looking. You sometimes feel guilty, but Kobori always reassures you that you're not bothering him in any way, and you hope that he feels the same way you do.

After a while of getting tired of looking at the boxes of your stuff in the living room, you decided to put them into storage. You figured you could just throw your clothes in your suitcases and slide them under the bed so that it would be out of the way, but after you told Kobori that, the next day he took you to the furniture store. He was off that day, and he didn't tell you where you were going, and you were confused until he told you that you were there to get a new dresser.

"Why would I need to do that?" you'd asked him.

It took him a while to look at you when he responded. "So, that you're not living out of your suitcases. I don't mind getting another one for you." Your face grows warm at his words, busying yourself with looking around as your heart races. He actually bought more than just the dresser, buying some of the things that caught your eye as you were looking through the store.

You tried to convince him that he didn't have to get anything, but he insisted that it wouldn't matter because his apartment was pretty plain and empty anyway. You bought a couple of decorations along with a new dresser, and he built it when you got home while you decorated the apartment.

You smile at the memory as you close your laptop, deciding that you could put off looking for a new place later. The rest of your stuff that you didn't need ended up going to storage, and you're glad that you don't have to look at the boxes anymore. When Kobori comes home, you fall into that same routine that you've found yourself enjoying. Recently, work's been a bit more tiring for him, so he usually just skips the breakfast you make, heading straight for the shower so he can get into bed.

You carefully open the door open, and he turns his head, his eyes slowly opening and closing. "See you later, Kobori," you say quietly.

He smiles at you, sighing softly as his eyes close. "Have a good day." He hears the door close, and he rolls over onto his side. Honestly, Kobori's never been happier since you've been living with him. Kise and Moriyama don't waste any time making fun of him whenever he goes to work, but he can't really find it in himself to be annoyed with it anymore since they've been messing with him for so long.

Even some of his other friends comment on how he seems happier recently, and he can't deny that, but he still doesn't respond to their jokes, only brushing them off. Work has been rough for the past couple of weeks, and the only thing that keeps him from sleeping at the firehouse is being able to see you once he gets through the door.

Since you've started sharing a bed, your scent seems to be flooding his senses even when he's not around you. He takes a deep breath as he starts to let sleep take over, but that only allows him to smell your shampoo on the pillow. He can feel his face growing warm as he pushes his face further into the pillow, but it's not like you'll never know he's doing this. It's honestly what puts him to sleep every time he gets into bed.

Living with you has made him realize how much he's actually missed you, and seeing all of your things sprawled about the apartment makes him smile to himself as he falls asleep when he thinks about it. It just makes him wish you were actually dating, and he wishes he would tell you that you don't have to look for a new place and that you could stay with him. He knows how selfish that sounds, but you're finally back in his life, in person, not over the phone.

He doesn't want to let that go. He enjoys hearing you tell him about your day as you make dinner, or spend time at home when neither of you are working. The only thing he doesn't like is whenever he's off for the day, you end up sleeping on the couch. He wished he had the courage to tell you that you could sleep in the bed also, but he knows that he would never do it. And that always plays in the back of his mind as he falls asleep.

~

Kobori gets to work already feeling a bit drained. He got a good amount of sleep, but work has been pretty hectic for a while, and he hopes that it goes a bit smoother this time. He puts his stuff in his locker and his lunch in the fridge, and he sighs when he sees who's working tonight. One of his co-workers has been a pain in his ass lately, and he's one of the reasons why he's been dreading going to work.

He's a total asshole, and Kobori honestly doesn't know how anyone hasn't beaten his ass yet. They don't have that many emergencies to respond to, so work goes pretty slow. He's counting down the minutes until he can finally go home, already changing out of his gear. He's making sure that he hasn't left anything before he goes to the kitchen to grab the lunch box.

He left his lunch on the counter since the alarm rang before he could put it away, and he goes to put the container into the lunchbox when he sees something inside. He stops for a second as he picks up the sticky note, and he smiles when he sees that you wrote him a note. He stands there reading it, having a hard time wiping the smile off of his face.

"What has you smiling like that?" Kobori hears suddenly, and the smile immediately falls off of his face as that one difficult co-worker walks in. Kobori packs up his lunch as the man comes to stand beside him.

"See you later," he tells him shortly, getting ready to leave, but he keeps talking.

"It's your girl, right?" he says, and Kobori's steps falter before he stops. "Kise told us that you guys have been friends for years." Kobori sighs as he turns around to face him. "He showed us what she looks like," he continues. "You're pretty lucky, man," he smiles, and that only makes Kobori even more irritated.

Someone walks in behind him, and when he walks past, Kobori sees that it's one of his other co-workers packing up as well. Kobori just shakes his head before he starts to turn around. "Doesn't really explain why you've been in such a bad mood lately," he calls out after him.

"You should probably get going, hm?" Kobori responds.

"Guess your bitch didn't give you any pussy lately, huh?" Kobori doesn't remember how he got back into the kitchen or when his fist connected with his face. He feels the man punch him back, but that's the only hit he gets in before Kobori tackles him to the ground. He can hear other people shouting, but he's only focused on one thing.

It takes a few people to get him up and off the man, and he fights them for a little while, only feeling satisfied when he sees the damage he's done. He realizes that Kise is the one holding him, and he pulls him out of the kitchen, only letting him go when Kobori shakes him off.

He stays silent as he walks to the door, quickly making his way to his car. "Kobori, what the hell was that?" Kise yells, and Kobori only hears him when he gets to the car, noticing that if he's been saying something to him, he hasn't been listening.

"Nothing. He was just being an asshole," he spits, balling his hand into a fist and feeling the skin around his knuckles pull painfully when he does. "See you later." He doesn't let him say another word, getting in the car and driving off.

Kobori's tense the entire time he's driving home, replaying the man's words in his head over and over again, and he wishes that he wasn't stopped. He slams the door a little too hard, wincing when he does so, but he jumps when he hears you gasp.

"Oh, my God! You scared me," you breathe, your hand over your chest.

"S-Sorry," he whispers as he drops his keys and takes off his shoes.

"Are you okay?" you ask him, and he can hear you walking towards him. He stands up, and your mouth drops when you look at his face. "Oh, my God, what happened?" you ask, your hands coming up to cup his face. You rub over his cheekbone softly, and he feels himself relax at your touch.

"Just some asshole at work," he sighs as he shakes his head.

"The one you were telling me about?" you question, your hands never leaving his face, and he doesn't want them to. "Did he say something?" you ask after he nods.

"Not really," he answers. He sighs again, but you don't ask him any more questions, your hands leaving his face before you walk to the freezer. You pull out an ice pack, gently putting it on his face, and he grimaces as the cold stings his skin.

"Any more injuries?" you ask, looking over him, and you grab his hand when you see his knuckles. "You're bleeding. Hold this," you tell him, and he barely has enough time to grab the ice pack before he watches you disappear down the hallway. He sits down on the stool, resting his elbow on the island as the events from the last thirty minutes run through his head.

He laughs softly to himself as he shakes his head again, realizing he didn't know he was capable of snapping like that. He looks over when he hears your footsteps, and you sit next to him as you set the stuff you got from the bathroom on the island. You grab his hand, setting it on the counter to tell him to keep it there as you put a cotton ball on the top of the hydrogen peroxide before you turn it over quickly to soak the cotton ball.

"This is going to sting a bit," you warn before you gently dap the cotton ball over his knuckles, and he winces softly, but stays quietly nonetheless. He can't help but watch you fondly as you carefully clean up his hand, putting on some Neosporin once you're finished. "Okay, that's all I can really do," you say once you're finished. "What?" you question when you look at him to see him smiling at you.

"Thank you," he tells you softly.

"Of course, Kobori," you say as you stand. "I wasn't expecting you to come in all bruised up this morning," you tease softly, chuckling as you return everything to the bathroom. When you come back, he's still sitting on the stool, and you stop in front of him. "Since when do you get into fights?"

"I don't know what got into me," he laughs quietly. "I guess I was just tired or something," he lies, not wanting to tell you the real reason why he got into the fight. "Works been pretty tiring lately," he adds, glad that he took a shower at work this time.

"I'm sorry to hear that," you say. "But I can make your favorite. I know it probably won't make you feel better, but it might take your mind off your shift," you offer. Kobori doesn't respond, only looking at you for a second before he sets the ice pack down and gently pulls you into a hug.

You go without protest, his arms wrapping around you as his body fully sinks into you, his head resting on your chest. He feels one of your arms wrap around his shoulders as your other hand softly runs through his hair. He's too tired to think about what you might be thinking, the only thing he knows is that he feels so much better than before.

"You feel better now?" you ask softly, and he nods against you, smiling when he feels you laugh. You rub over his shoulders, and he shudders a bit before he relaxes again. "You're so tense," you whisper, and he responds with a hum in your chest.

He eventually pulls away, but he can't bring himself to let his arms fall from you. "You okay?" you ask, moving your hand so that it's resting on his face, and he closes his eyes for a split second at the motion as he nods.

"Yeah. Sorry about that."

You smile widely. "Don't apologize. I'm always here if you need a hug."

He finally lets you go, so you can make breakfast, and even though he had a rough day at work, he finds himself smiling for the rest of the day.

You suck on a cough drop as you cough again, clearing your throat as you shake your head. You've definitely come down with something, already calling out of work, and you groan as you try to get comfortable on the couch. You've already taken some medicine, but right now, more than anything, you just want to sleep. You didn't get much sleep last night since you were feeling so bad, and you look towards the door when you hear keys sliding into the lock.

"You don't look so good," he comments softly when he walks in.

"I feel like shit," you whine. "And I'm so tired." He starts to walk over to you, but you're quick to stop him. "No, I don't want to get you sick."

"I think it might be too late for that," he responds, and you sigh softly.

"Kobori, I am so sorry. But I told you that sleeping in your bed wouldn't help."

"Yeah, that's definitely my fault," he laughs. "But we'll bounce back in no time." Kobori gets into the shower, and you continue laying on the couch, rubbing over your forehead when the pain throbs a little too much. You luckily start to feel sleepy once the pain starts to subside, letting your eyes slip closed as sleep starts to take over.

You wake up in the middle of your body rolling over, and you try to go back to sleep, but the smell of food filling your nose immediately makes your stomach grumble. You roll over again so that you're not facing the couch as you peel your eyes open. It's dark now, the only thing lighting the room is the TV, but don't sit up, taking a deep breath as you start to wake up.

You squint as your eyes adjust to the new light, and you can see Kobori walking into the room with a tray in his hand. "You feel better enough to eat?" he asks softly, and you slowly sit up, not feeling great, but feeling better than before.

You let your feet rest on the floor, moving the blanket so that it's covering your lower half before gently taking the tray from Kobori when he moves it towards you. You set it on your lap to see that it's a bowl of soup, and you smile as you look at it, sniffling quietly before you say anything.

"Thank you."

"Of course," he responds fondly before walking back into the kitchen. A random sports game is on the TV, you so half-watch it while you eat. You feel a little bit better once you're halfway through the soup, but you know that you'll need to take some more medicine since you can already feel it wearing off.

You already want to lay back down again by the time you're finished eating, but you force yourself to get up so that you can put the dishes in the kitchen. You walk in to see Kobori washing some dishes, and he looks at you over his shoulder for a split second when he hears you walk in.

"You all done?" he asks, stepping to the side to let you put the bowl in the sink.

"Yeah, I definitely needed that," you smile, setting the tray on the counter before you turn to him. "Thank you, Kobori."

"You'd do the same for me," he returns, and you yawn softly before sniffling again even though it doesn't do much since your sinuses are clogged again.

"I also ran to the store and got some stuff that I didn't have here," he tells you, turning his attention to the plastic bag on the island. You watch him pull out some more cold medicine and some painkillers before he hands them to you. "I'm sure you need to take this again, and I got this just in case that headache is a bit stubborn."

You softly thank him as you take them from him, and you're about to grab some water when he starts talking again. "And you can take the bed until you're feeling better."

You stop in your tracks. "Kobori, I can't do that. I'll live if I sleep on the couch."

He shakes his head, stepping closer to you. "Seriously, take it. I'm not feeling nearly as bad as you, and I would feel horrible if I let you sleep on the couch." You know you can't argue with him, and you softly roll your eyes as you grab a bottle of water.

"Since you're not taking no for an answer, then I will," you relent, "but if you start feeling worse than me, then feel free to kick me out," you joke. Kobori laughs softly as you walk back to the couch to take the medicine.

It's only about a couple of days before the sickness really hits you, and you don't know how much more of this you can take. Despite taking the cold medicine, you think you're hitting the worst of it now, and it's just your luck that Kobori is starting to feel really bad as well. Once you started feeling better, you moved back to the couch since he wasn't doing so good, but it seems like the couch is only making both of your problems worse.

You groan loudly as you throw the blanket off of your body for what feels like the millionth time, your body temperature fluctuating with no set interval. You feel so bad that you can't even focus on anything but how you're feeling. You can't go to sleep, and the lack of sleep is only making things suck even more. You hear the door open, sitting up as you take a deep breath in that doesn't make it through your nose because of how stuffed up you are.

Kobori comes into view, dragging his feet, and you can barely make out the sweat dotting his forehead. "Yeah, this sucks," he huffs, which makes you laugh quietly as you stand.

"I know. It seems like the couch is making us feel even worse," you respond before you fall back against the couch. "I just wanna feel better!" you whine, letting your eyes close as your head throbs painfully.

You notice that Kobori seems unusually quiet, and you open your eyes to see him staring at you. "What's wrong?" you ask, sitting up again before mentally preparing yourself to stand up. When you walk over to him, he looks somewhere else in the room, and your mind is running with the different things he could say.

"We could share the bed," he says quietly, and you almost don't hear him, so it takes you a while to process what he said, but once you do, your face instantly grows warm.

"What?" you whisper, not really knowing how to respond, but still wondering if you heard him correctly.

"We obviously don't have to if you're not comfortable," he starts, and you notice that he's blushing, it spreading down to his neck. "But it doesn't look like we're going to get any better if we take turns sleeping on the couch, and I'm pretty sure the bed is big enough so we won't be touching each other, or...something," he trails off, and for a bit all you do is stare at him.

Are you really going to share a bed with him? Of course, it's something you've thought about, but that was in your dreams, in the fantasy in your head. You never once considered that there would be a real life chance that you would be sleeping in the same bed as your crush.

"You don't have to. It was just a suggestion," he rushes out, and you realize that you've been doing so much thinking in your head, that you haven't responded to him yet.

"No, no, um..." you start, having a hard time meeting his eyes. "You're probably right. I mean, the sooner we feel better, the sooner we'll get over this, so..."

All he does is nod, and the room falls silent again; you can't remember the last time you've had such an awkward interaction. He suddenly clears his throat, gesturing towards his room. "After you." You give him a small smile as you make your way to his room first, and the sound of his footsteps behind you only makes you more nervous.

Your heart feels like it's going to beat out of your chest when you step into the room, and you're confident that if you hold your hand in front of your face, it'll be shaking. You walk over to the other side of the bed that Kobori hasn't been in, not sparing him a glance as you pull the covers back and slide in.

You fight to sigh aloud as the cool sheets hit your skin, feeling so much better than the couch that seemed to be uncomfortably hot. You lay down, pulling the covers up over your legs as you hear Kobori slide in next to you. Both of you are horribly tense, but the bed is big enough that neither of you is touching each other.

You would be upset about that at any other time, but right now, you're grateful for it. It feels like you've skipped so many steps, and it takes everything in you to control yourself, telling yourself that it's not a big deal. But you honestly have no idea where two friends end up in a bed together under these circumstances, so it gets hard to even calm yourself down.

Kobori turns the TV on, and you're thankful that there's now some form of sound in the room because you were sure the silence was going to kill you. There really isn't any conversation going on between the two of you other than Kobori asking you if there's anything specific you want to watch.

You tell him you don't care since you're already feeling tired despite being a nervous wreck. Once your eyes start to feel heavy, you roll over onto your side, your back facing him because there's no way you can look at him at this moment.

You're a couple of seconds from falling asleep when you hear Kobori say something softly. "Sleep tight."

~

When you wake up, it's because of two things: you're hot as fuck and you have to pee. You groan as you get out of bed, your head pounding as you walk to the bathroom. You're half asleep as you pee, not even turning the light on. You don't feel too much better, thinking that you should take some more medicine as you wash your hands.

You notice the TV is still on when you walk back into the room, and Kobori is still sleeping on his side of the bed. Your next issue is how absolutely on fire you feel, and you're confident you're going to sweat through your shirt. You drag yourself over to your dresser, grabbing a tank top before you slide your shirt off and put it on. You throw your other shirt in the hamper before you get back in the bed, and you groan softly when you realize that you haven't taken any more medicine.

You hear Kobori sigh heavily, and you turn your head to see him looking right at you. "Sorry. Did I wake you up?" you whisper, and he slowly shakes his head.

"No, you're good," he responds, and if you weren't feeling so bad, you'd be melting at the sound of his voice. "You okay?"

"I'm so hot, and I forgot to get more medicine before I got back in the bed." You push the side of the pillow until they're covering your face. "I don't feel like getting up."

"I'll get it," he says, causing you to let the pillow fall so you can look at him.

"You don't have to," you whisper, about to tell him that you're just being dramatic, but he's already sitting up.

"It's no big deal. I'm gonna go to the bathroom anyway. I'll grab it on the way back." He groans as he gets out of bed, and you watch him leave, turning your attention to the TV. There's a random infomercial playing, so you assume it's really early in the morning.

You're glad that you're over the initial shock of sharing a bed with Kobori, but you're too worried about how shitty you feel to deal with your feelings about that. You roll over to lay on your stomach when you start to notice how warm you are again.

It seems like changing clothes didn't do anything to combat that, and your face grows even hotter at the thought of not wearing clothes while sleeping in the same bed as Kobori. You push your face into the pillow as you blow out a heavy breath, turning your head when you run out of air. You really want to just throw your shirt to the other side of the room, already feeling it sticking to your skin.

Kobori comes back after a little while with the medicine in his hand, but you notice that he's shirtless this time. You can't help but stare, and even with the light from the TV illuminating him in the dark room, you can see how much more defined his body is. He stops at the bed when he catches you staring, and when he clears his throat, you finally realize what you've been doing.

"Sorry, I'm just feeling really warm," he apologizes softly, quickly lifting up the hand that's holding his shirt. "I can put it back on if you're uncomfortable."

"No, no. It's okay," you say quickly. "It's not like I haven't seen you shirtless before," you awkwardly laugh. "I'm just wishing I could do the same thing."

He doesn't respond immediately after that, grateful that you can't see how red is face definitely is as he opens his mouth to speak. "You can do the same," he says. "Like you said. We've been to the beach multiple times, so it's like the same thing," he adds even though he knows for a fact that he could barely handle seeing you in a swimsuit.

He does have a point, and he sets the medicine down on the nightstand, sitting down on the bed after at the same time you sit up. "You can change. I'll keep facing this way," he offers, and you're silent as you watch him face forward.

You can't help but smile as you get out of bed, making your way over to your dresser. You look over your shoulder just to make sure he hasn't turned around, even though you know he wouldn't until you told him to before you quickly shed your shirt, finding a comfort bra in the top drawer. You slide it on, hesitating with your hands in the shorts of your waistband, but then a wave of heat runs through you, and you shed them without another thought.

You groan loudly in relief, letting your head fall back as the exposed parts of your skin feel a little bit cooler now that they aren't covered. You walk back over to the bed, seeing that Kobori's still not looking, and you sit down, giving him the okay to turn around.

You see that he's gotten rid of his shorts also, but luckily for you, they're boxers; you don't think you'd be able to handle anything else right now. He hands you the medicine as he turns around, sitting further on the bed, and you take it from him gently. You thank him before you unscrew the top, setting aside the measuring cup before you drink it straight from the bottle.

"What are you doing?!" he questions softly, as you grimace at the taste, reaching for the lukewarm water on your nightstand so that you can chase the medicine.

"I wanna go to sleep and stay asleep," you sigh heavily after you swallow. "I didn't drink much," you add as you hand it back to him. You lay back down, kicking the blanket away from you, and you turn your head to see that Kobori's doing the same thing.

He grimaces just like you did, drinking water after he swallows the medicine. "Oh, shit," he says suddenly, and you frown as you look at him, seeing that he's looking at the label. You sit up on your elbow so that you can lean over when he moves the medicine closer to you.

Your eyes widen. "This is sleep cold medicine," you say even though both of you are clearly aware of that.

"Yeah," he sighs, and there's silence for a couple of seconds before you both laugh. "I'll text Kise just in case."

You lay back down, already feeling the medicine starting to kick in, and you close your eyes as you roll onto your side. "Night, Kobori. I'm...pretty sure, we'll wake up," you whisper, making the both of you chuckle.

You let your eyes slip closed as they start to feel heavy, but Kobori fights sleep for just a little bit longer so he can look at you.

Kise doesn't think much of the text that Kobori sent him when he had woken up in the morning, but it's already around noon and he still hasn't heard from him. He got the text around three in the morning, and it's obviously not uncommon for someone to sleep long when they're sick, but Kobori did mention that you and him took more medicine than you should have.

He grabs Moriyama before swinging over by Kobori's apartment, telling him the details on the way there. It's close to the early evening when they finally get there, and they knock on the door along with calling both of you, and they can't say they're not concerned when they don't get an answer to either.

Kise uses the spare key Kobori gave him a while ago that he doesn't really use, and they let themselves in to a pretty quiet apartment. When they close the door, the only sound they can hear is the faint noise coming from the TV in Kobori's room. Kise notes in his head that you're nowhere to be seen, and it makes him feel better on one hand; maybe you could be in the bathroom. But on the other hand, he doesn't know where you could be or how you're doing.

They follow the sounds of the TV, and Moriyama softly knocks on the door before he carefully pushes it open. At first, when they see the two of you in the bed, they're relieved that you're alive, hearing the two of you snoring so loud it nearly drowns out the TV.

Since they know that you're doing just fine, Kise can't help but laugh as he looks at the both of you cuddled up next to each other. He would love to hear the conversation that led to this situation. "Do you think they'd kill me if I took a picture?" he asks.

"Of course, they would," Moriyama smiles. "You wouldn't be alive for another second." You're laying on Kobori's chest with his arm wrapped tightly around you, and both of the men find this absolutely hilarious, but they try to hold in their laughs. "He'd shit himself if he knew what was happening right now."

They finally laugh a little too loud, and it makes you stir just a bit, curling yourself further into Kobori before you start to wake up. You slowly open your eyes, taking a deep breath in as your eyes start to fully open. Your face drops when you see who's standing in front of you.

"What are you doing here?" you sigh, turning your head to the side to yawn.

"Making sure you hadn't overdosed on sleep medicine," Moriyama drawls.

"Well, I'm fine, obviously," you respond. You don't know if you're going to go back to sleep, but you lay your head back down anyway, closing your eyes as you stay in the same position.

Kise huffs as he shakes Kobori, who frowns in his sleep, and he continues to shake him until Kobori wakes up, pushing his hand away. "What do you want?" he groans, but he doesn't open his eyes, already knowing that his former teammates are in his place.

"You texted us asking the check in on you, and now you're complaining?" Kise says, and Kobori doesn't respond, getting comfortable again as he adjusts his arm around you.

"Well, we're fine. So, you can leave," he responds, and Kise and Moriyama exchange a glance before Kise smirks.

"Yeah, of course, you're fine," Kise starts. "The both of you cuddling each other is enough proof of that."

It seems like it takes a while for his words to process, but once they do, you and Kobori's eyes shoot open before you quickly separate from each other. You sit up quickly, looking anywhere else in the room, your face growing so hot as you hear Kobori clear his throat.

"Seriously, get out," Kobori demands, getting out of the bed to chase them out of the room. You try to compose yourself as you listen to Kobori kicking them out of the apartment, and you have every mind to scream into the pillow, but you refrain. At least you have some kind of control of yourself.

Instead, you fall back on the bed, putting your pillow over your face. When you hear footsteps, you quickly take the pillow off of your face, but you don't sit up. You don't look Kobori's way when he walks back into the room, wondering what in the world you could say.

"Uh, they're gone," he tells you quietly, and you look over at him, giving him a choppy nod. He rubs over the back of his neck awkwardly, glancing at the TV. "Um, sorry about that earlier," he says, and you frown for a second as you wonder what he's talking about, but you figure out shortly after, sitting up way quicker than you wanted to.

"No, it's okay!" you say, and even your laugh is as awkward as you feel. "I mean, I should apologize since I was laying on you, so..." you trail off, fumbling with the corner of the pillowcase. "So, how are you feeling?" you ask, hoping the question will make the air seem less uncomfortable.

"Way better than earlier," he huffs as he nods his head. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah, so much better," you answer, nodding as well.

"Well, they brought food if you're feeling hungry," he offers, and you nod again, sliding out of bed. Kobori walks out of the room by the time you're out of bed, and now that you're not burning up anymore, you shiver a bit once you're away from the warm cover. Shivering only makes you realize that you're in nothing but your underwear, and you're quick to grab a pair of shorts and a shirt to cover yourself.

You make your way to the kitchen, seeing that Kobori's sitting at the island, already eating, and he slides some food your way when he sees you walk into view. You softly thank him as you sit down, putting food in your mouth before you even have your butt fully in the seat.

You fight to groan loudly when the food hits your tongue, realizing that you can't even remember the last time you've eaten. You feel even better now that you have food in your system, and you are so glad that you're finally over the hard part of this sickness.

You and Kobori still have some congestion, so you're taking medicine for that, but other than that, you feel like your old self again. After you've finished eating, you and Kobori spend the rest of the evening cleaning up the place now that you're both feeling better enough to do something other than lie down.

The air between you two doesn't seem awkward, but you can't help but think about how you woke up when Kise and Moriyama were here. You're cleaning up the kitchen and living room while Kobori's cleaning up the bedroom, so you slap your hand on your forehead.

How could you lay on him in your sleep? Weren't you burning up? The last time you thought your body would want is to be next to even more heat. You try your hardest not to think about how he felt against you, and when you keep failing, you admit to yourself that you really, really like him.

In the back of your head, you think that maybe living with him may not be such a good idea. If your feelings are getting to be too much, and you're doing things like that subconsciously in your sleep, how long will it be until you accidentally confess your feelings? You shake your head as you collect all of the trash, deciding that all of that thinking is only making your head hurt.

You and Kobori finish cleaning, cleaning yourselves up after, and for the rest of the night, you decide to push that inner turmoil away for now.

~

It's been a couple of weeks since you and Kobori were sick, and you're still thinking about sharing a bed with him. Of course, you still use the bed when Kobori's at work, but you sleep on the couch when both of you are off at the same time. He hasn't offered to let you sleep in his bed while he does, and you're glad mostly for your pride; you don't know if you can handle it.

You can't help but miss him beside you when you are in the bed, and for the first couple of nights, that kept you up for way longer than you wanted. You can still smell his cologne in the sheets when you lay down, and that was enough for you, seeming to help your restlessness.

You wake up in the morning groggy, rolling over to see that you woke up about thirty minutes before your alarm. You groan loudly, closing your eyes as you try to settle back into bed, hoping you can get those last minutes of sleep. You have the urge to whine when you can't go back sleep, knowing that you're fully awake now.

You drag yourself out of bed, resisting the urge to slide out and onto the floor. You get yourself ready, packing up everything that you need to bring with you to school. You make breakfast, saving some and putting it in the microwave for Kobori since he'll be coming home later this morning than usual.

You wanted to start your car before you left since the weather has been so warm lately, but to your dismay, your engine won't turn over. You cry out as you try and try again, but it won't budge. You let your head fall against the steering wheel, taking a deep breath so that you don't scream loudly.

You jump when you hear a knock at your window, gasping just a bit as you look to see Kobori standing outside your car. You sigh as you take the keys out of the ignition before you get out of the car. "Are you okay?" he asks as he steps to the side so you can close the door.

"My car won't start," you tell him, shaking your head. This really isn't what you needed this morning. "And I have to get to school early to help set up for today."

"I can drive you," he offers, but you're quick to shake your head.

"You don't have to do that. You just got off work," you respond. "I can see if my friend can take me."

"It's okay. I'm already out here," he tells you. "And my car's been running so the air won't be warm." That's basically enough to convince you, and you sigh as you let your head fall back, giving in.

"Thank you, Koji. I owe you one. Just let me get my stuff." You run back up into the apartment, and you realize that you're going to have to take more than one trip. You grab as much as you can, quickly making your way to his car. You put the stuff in the back seat before you tell him that you've got more stuff, and this time he follows you.

He grabs everything before you can even move, taking it to the car without another word. You shake your head fondly as you lock the door, meeting him at the car. "You seriously didn't have to do all of that," you say as you get into the car, fastening your seatbelt.

"Well, you seemed pretty frazzled, so I was just trying to lighten your load," he notes before he pulls out of the parking lot.

You relax against the seat, noticing that this is the first time since you've woken up that you haven't been tense. "I just didn't get a good night of sleep," you respond. "Dunno why," you add even though you very much know the reason why. He's driving you to work for Pete's sake.

The conversation between the two of you goes in and out the entire way to work, and you can't help but feel bad that you're intruding on Kobori's time. When he pulls into the parking lot, you try to grab as much stuff as you can, mentally preparing yourself to lug it through the school.

"I'll try to get this stuff out as fast as I can, and then I'll be out of your hair," you tell him as you start to grab the boxes, but you look up when you hear the car door closed. You see him walking over to your side, and he carefully pushes you over so he can grab what's left. "Kobori, seriously, you don't have to do this. I already feel bad that you drove me here."

"I don't mind, y/n. You need help. I'd be a bad person if I didn't help you," he says, closing the door with his foot before he starts toward the building. You bite your lip to try to hide your smile as you adjust the boxes in your arms before you follow him.

He lets you take the lead once you get inside the building, and he follows you to your classroom. You both set the boxes down on and around your desk, and you sigh heavily as you roll your shoulders, shaking your arms.

"What's all this for?" Kobori asks as he looks around, curiosity in his words.

"We're having a career fair today, and--shit," you mumble before you let your head fall back to look at the ceiling. "I forgot to ask my friend if she would come today," you whisper. "Every teacher brought someone to talk to the kids and I totally forgot."

You blame it on the bad night of sleep, but you can feel tears trying to make their way out. You're already frustrated from this morning, and this was the last thing you needed. You lift your head back up when you feel something touch your shoulders, and you meet Kobori's eyes.

"I can do it if you need me to."

"Kobori, you have done more than enough!" you say softly, scoffing as you smile. "You don't need to do anything else for me."

He chuckles softly. "You're right. I don't need to do anything, but I want to," he replies.

"But you've been working all night," you counter, and you try not to notice how much you miss his touch when he finally takes his hands off your shoulders.

He just shrugs at you. "Work was really slow, so I took a nap. I'm good."

It's not like you have another option, and you rub your hands over your face before you sigh. "We're not starting until after lunch, so you have time to take another nap if you need to," you say before you move to hug him before you can second guess yourself. "Thank you, Kobori. Anything you want, you name it," you continue, lifting your head up to look at him, but neither of you pull away from the hug.

"Helping you out is enough for me. I don't need anything."

"I'm gonna get you something," you declare with a soft pout. "I feel like I don't do anything in return for everything you do for me."

"Well, the kitchen has been used a lot more since you moved in," he responds, which makes you giggle. "You make me breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And it's good every time, so that's good enough in my book."

You roll your eyes. "Of course, you would say something like that," you state. "Seriously, what do you want?" you ask softly, and you watch his face fall as you wait for his answer.

Is this the time to tell you how he really feels? That all he wants to finally be with you and take your relationship further? Even though he's standing so close to you, he finds that he feels confident to just straight up tell you, but that fear is still there, and it makes him hesitate.

You both jump away from each other when someone calls your name, and Kobori moves to the side so you can see who it is. "Himari! Did you need something?" you ask warmly, your face becoming hot as you think about the position you were just caught in.

"I was wondering if your friend was here," she answers, walking over to where you're standing. "You didn't tell us your boyfriend would be here to help you set up!"

Your mouth drops open as Kobori chokes, turning to the side to get himself together. "He's not--we're not--" You sigh as you compose yourself. "We're just friends. He's the one who took me in after that fire at my apartment."

"Oh! Sorry about that," she laughs, and you just give her a tight-lipped smile.

"And I forgot to ask my friend to come, but Kobori said he would step in." You can see that his ears are red as they shake hands, introducing themselves.

"What do you do?" Himari asks.

"I'm a firefighter." You give her a stern look when she gives you a playful glance, already experiencing so much embarrassment in such little time.

"The kids will love that for sure. Thanks for volunteering," she says. "If you need any help just let me know," she tells you before she makes her leave.

The air is a bit tense, so you quickly change the subject before the silence gets to be too much. "You can go home and get some rest. Thanks for helping me lug all of this stuff in here."

"Are you sure you don't need me to do anything?"

You shake your head. "Nope, I'm sure. Just please go home and sleep. I made you breakfast, but it's probably cold by now."

"I'll enjoy it regardless," he smiles. "See you later." You smile at him, watching him leave, and when you know he's out of earshot, you plop down in your desk chair before folding your top half forward, letting your head hit the desk.

~

You've finished putting the final touches on your classroom, happy that it turned out the way that you wanted. You check the time on your phone, seeing that it's almost time for the kids to come back from lunch. You turn around when you hear someone walk into the room, and you smile when you see Kobori walking in, but with some gear in his hands.

"What's this?" you ask, meeting him halfway.

"I stopped by work on the way here to get some stuff. And all this stuff is new, so you don't have to worry about anything," he tells you, and your heart warms as you look at the fire gear.

"You're really something else, Koji," you tell him, and then you hear the noises and footsteps of the kids in the distance. You write his name on the board as the kids pile in, telling him that there's no need for him to be nervous. You give him a rundown of what he's supposed to say as all of your kids find their seats, and you turn to them once it's time to start.

"Okay, kids!" you start, getting their attention, and they quiet down soon after. "As you all know, today is career day, and you'll all be going to different classrooms to learn about different jobs that people have." You grab Kobori's arm softly to bring him up to your side. "Today, my friend, Kobori, is here today to talk to you guys. Please make sure you're listening, and if you can, hold all of your questions until the end, alright?" When the kids nod, you give Kobori the floor, and you softly reassure him when you see that he's a bit nervous.

You move your chair so that you're sitting with the kids, and you give him a small thumbs-up before he starts talking. You smile softly once he starts, the kids already knowing what he does when he asks them, the firefighter jacket and hat a dead giveaway.

Kobori was nervous, but he honestly seems to be in his element as he talks, and you're so grateful that he offered to step in. Your attention starts to get diverted a bit when he starts to move his hands as he talks, and suddenly the only thing you're focused on is how good he looks in his uniform. You curl your lips into your mouth as you try to pay attention to what he's saying, but it's really hard for you.

He practically fills out the clothes he's wearing, and you don't know how you didn't notice before. He glances at you every now and then, so you try to keep an engaged look on your face even though your eyes drift across his body. You internally shake your head, telling yourself to get it together. He's helped you out immensely and now you're thinking about him like this?

You're about to zone out again, but Kobori stops talking, looking your way, and you quickly realize that he must be done. You swiftly stand, clearing your throat and the not-so-nice thoughts from your head before you speak.

"Everyone give him a round of applause," you say, walking toward the front of the classroom. "Does anyone have any questions?" you ask when you get to Kobori, and you laugh softly when you hear Kobori sigh under his breath at the amount of hands that go up.

The questions range from all kinds of things to what's the coolest thing he's done to how tall the ladder is. He passes the hat around so that all the kids can see it, and he lets others try on the jacket if they want to. It's almost time for the kids to switch rooms, so you let them talk amongst themselves for the last few minutes.

One of your students brings the hat back to Kobori, and he crouches down so that he can softly take it from her. "Did you save Ms. y/n from the fire?" she asks him quietly, and he laughs softly as he nods.

"Yes, I did. I had to break the door down because the handles get too hot," he says. She nods, and she's always been quiet, so you know she's going to get her questions out now.

"Do you ever get scared?"

"All the time," he answers quickly. "But it's okay to be scared. If you don't let it control you, it can help you in intense situations like that." She nods again, but doesn't say anything after that, and you watch Kobori look at her for a split second.

"Can we see the fire truck?"

"I'm not too sure. Do you wanna see it?"

"Yeah, but it's really loud. It hurts my ears," she tells him, and he sits down on the floor, stretching his leg out to reach into his pocket.

"Here," he says softly. "We wear headphones in the truck that make the sirens hurt less, but these earplugs do the same thing." She gently takes them from him. "If the truck comes, you can wear these, and your ears won't hurt, okay?"

She smiles as she nods, looking over them. "Thank you."

"Of course," he says, giving her a big smile.

You announce that your class has to switch rooms, and you make sure they're lined up before you allow them to leave. You didn't mention that Kobori would have to repeat his whole speech a lot of times, and you get him some water in between the short breaks that he has.

Every time a new group of kids comes in, you find yourself in those same cycle of thoughts, and they're only fueled when you see Kobori interacting with the kids. You have half a mind to just walk out; you don't know how much more of this you can take. It's balanced out a little though when you have the kids tell him thank you afterwards, and he smiles so bright it makes your heart skip a beat.

Once your kids get back into the room, there's only about an hour until they all go home, so you let them have free time until then. You're sitting at your desk, trying your hardest not to laugh a Kobori, who's sitting beside you, but in a chair for the kids.

"I can't thank you enough for doing this," you tell him as you continuously look at the kids, keeping an eye on them.

"It was really no problem. This was fun," he tells you, and your face seriously hurts from smiling.

"Mr. Kobori, you saved Ms. y/n from the fire, right?!" you both suddenly hear, turning your attention to the crowd as you try to figure out who asked.

"Yes, I did," he answers with a laugh, groaning quietly as he stands up. All of your kids run up to him, and that's when you notice that they all have cards in their hands, making you wonder when they made them.

"Thank you for saving her! She's the best teacher ever!" He laughs as he takes all of the cards, and you pout softly, hoping that you don't start crying.

"You guys are so sweet!" you say, looking with Kobori has he flips through them.

"You guys are very welcome. She definitely is the best teacher ever," he agrees, and you glance away shyly.

"Are you guys dating?" one of your students asks, and your eyes go wide as you look at her.

"What makes you say that?" you croak, the question so sudden it catches the both of you off-guard. "We're just friends," you laugh, hoping that Kobori can't see how awkward you feel.

"Mr. Kobori looks at you the same way my daddy looks at my mommy!" she continues, and you swallow thickly, barely sparing a glance.

"Yeah! Like you're in love!" The class erupts into laughter and chorus' of 'eww', and you don't know what else to do other than to let your head fall down.

"Okay, okay," you start, releasing a breathy laugh that does nothing to relax your body. "Everyone get packed up so everyone can go home," you softly order, and they quickly move over to their stuff as you sigh before turning to Kobori.

"So sorry about that. They can get a little out of hand," you wince.

"Don't worry about it," he chuckles, looking down at the cards in his hands. "This is definitely the highlight of my week," he continues, holding the cards up.

"I'm glad you had fun, Koji," you respond warmly.

You're looking at the kids again, and you jump out of your skin when you hear a loud noise. The kids immediately react, running over to the window, and both you and Kobori follow, seeing that there's a fire truck pulling into the parking lot. "Did you do this?"

"No," he scoffs, and the both of you roll your eyes when you see Kise step out of the truck first. All of the classrooms have another door that leads outside in case of emergencies, and Kobori exits out that way while you try to corral your kids.

"What are you guys doing here?" Kobori asks when he gets to the truck as he watches his co-workers get out.

"You never said anything about the truck," Kise starts. "And you can't have a firefighter at a career day without the truck!" Kobori shakes his head as Moriyama comes into view. "Now, where are the kiddos?"

"Inside," Kobori answers. "This was unexpected, so now everyone has to get them to calm down. I'll be right back."

You let Kobori back in, and he tells you what's going on. "Is it okay if they all go out there?" he asks.

"Yeah, I don't see why not. Do you mind staying with the kids while I go talk to the other teachers?" He shakes his head, and you quickly thank him before you make your leave, announcing to the kids that they have to listen to him while you're gone.

It takes a minute, but the kids are allowed to go into the parking lot to see the truck, so you spend the next ten minutes getting the kids in order so that they can go outside. You know it's taking everything in them not to run toward the truck, and the all bounce excitedly as they look at the truck.

Kise, of course, takes over with the talking, and you don't think you've stopped smiling since you've made it outside. The kids ask all kinds of questions, but they mostly want to see what the inside of the truck looks like. You and the other teachers split your kids up so that they can see different parts of the trucks, and they rotate through.

When your group gets to the truck, the kids all make their way inside, most of them wanting to hear all the noises the truck makes. Once the kids are done going through the truck, they're taken to their parents, and the last one left in your group is your student that Kobori talked to earlier.

He's sitting in the truck, softly gesturing for her to come forward, but she looks hesitant. He gets out of the truck, walking over to her and lowering himself to her level. "You don't have to get in the truck if you don't want to." She looks over it, and Kobori keeps his eyes on her. "You still have those earplugs I gave you?"

She nods, pulling them out of her pocket. "It's okay to be scared, remember?" he reminds her. "You still wanna go inside?" He takes the earplugs from her when she nods, and he carefully puts them in her ears, making sure they're in properly.

He gently picks her up before climbing into the truck, and she sits on the seat next to him. He puts the headphones on just in case she wants to turn on anything, but for the time being she just looks around. You're standing outside of the truck, watching with a big smile on your face, and Himari walks up to you.

"Are you sure he's not your boyfriend?" Your smile drops temporarily as you roll your eyes, but it's back the moment your eyes land on Kobori and your student. "You're living with a man like that, and you're not dating him?"

"It's complicated," you say quietly, and that's all you can really manage. "But he was really good with the kids today," you add.

"And how did you handle that?"

Your head immediately falls to her shoulder. "My ovaries are gonna explode," you mumble, which makes her laugh loudly. "The kids all gave him cards thanking him for saving me." You groan, letting your body slump before you lift your head up.

You see that she's sitting on Kobori's lap so that she can reach the handle for the horn, and he pulls it with her after he counts down. You and Himari cover your ears as the horn goes off, and you chuckle when you see Kobori and her laugh.

He carefully gets out of the truck with her, setting her down once he's out, taking the headphones off. A surprised look is on his face when she suddenly hugs him, and he crouches down so he can hug her back. "Thank you, Mr. Kobori."

"You're welcome, sweetheart."

Himari smirks at you before she walks away to take the girl to her parents, and Kobori walks over to you. "Thanks for doing that, Kobori," you tell him. "She's had a rough couple of weeks, so I know you really made her happy today."

"Ah, it was nothing. The kids were great," he responds. "Thanks for letting me do this."

"No, thank you for stepping in. You really saved my ass today," you scoff before both of you laugh. "I think this will make me the talk of the school for a while."

"I'm glad I could help," he chuckles.

Kobori talks to his friends for a bit before they leave, and he follows you back into your classroom to help you clean up. You don't have to carry as much stuff as you did this morning, and he offers to carry it for you, but you know that he's not going to take no for an answer.

You walk to the car, both of you feeling the day catching up to you, and you decide to just get food on the way home since you don't feel like cooking. You pay for it, feeling you need to do something to even slightly pay Kobori back for what he did today.

You both shower after you eat, sitting on the couch as you both unwind for the day. Kobori told you that his boss gave him the shift off, so he'll be home for the rest of the night. You're glad that you get to spend more time with him, but after the day you've had, you really don't want to sleep on the couch.

You don't voice that aloud, deciding that after what happened today, you don't think your feelings need anymore reason to grow. You yawn loudly, the sun going down hours ago, and you tell Kobori that you're going to turn in for the night.

You go to the bathroom to do your night routine, and when you come back, you see that Kobori's still sitting on the couch. He's got his head laying against the back with his eyes closed, but the open when he hears you walking closer to him. "Go get in the bed, Koji. You had a long day today."

"I'll take the couch, I don't mind."

"Kobori, really, you can take the bed. It's your place after all," you laugh. He doesn't respond, and he looks at the TV for a beat before his eyes focus on you again.

"We could both take the bed," he offers, and you raise your eyebrows. "I mean, it probably wouldn't do us good to sleep on the couch anyway."

You don't really have it in you to argue even though right now, it's the last thing you want, but you're tired. You softly agree, and when he turns off the TV, the silence really solidifies what's about to happen. You've already been through this, but that was when you were both sick and miserable, so you weren't really worried baout anything other than feeling better.

But now, you're both completely fine, and you're about to be in the same bed. You can feel your heart pounding as you walk to the room, your hearing so focused on his footsteps, it's nearly deafening. You make your way to your side of the bed, having a hard time making eye contact with him, and he waits until you're in the bed to turn the light off.

You rub your thumb over your hand as you listen to him slide in next to you, and it takes you a moment to realize that you're not breathing. You try to take a quiet breath, wondering if you'll even be able to go to sleep. "I know I've said this a million times today, but thank you so much for today," you say, turning your head to look at him, and you want to look away, seeing that he's way too close.

"Of course. Seeing you smiling today was worth it," he responds, and you chew on the inside of your lip, not being able to conceal your smile. "Kise was upset that he wasn't there though, but I think that was because the kids gave me the cards."

You both laugh softly. "Well, it was last minute," you whisper. "And I honestly wasn't expecting that either. I had no idea that they were planning that."

"Should I put them on the fridge?" he asks, and you bravely roll over, sliding your arm under your pillow to brace your head.

"I don't know if there will be enough room," you huff playfully. "We could try though. You could bring some to work!"

Kobori eventually rolls over too, and the both of you talk quietly until your eyes start to feel heavy. You fall asleep first, giving him a mumbled 'goodnight' as you finally drift off, and Kobori can't help but watch you. When he starts to feel his eyes getting heavy, he makes sure that the last thing he sees before he falls asleep is you.

Your car had to be taken to the shop to get it fixed, so Kobori has been driving you to and from work. You tried to at least pay him for gas, but he wouldn't let you, and no matter how hard you tried, he never backed down. He had to change his hours because of it, and he's practically on the same schedule as you, but it's just enough to where you're not sharing a bed every night.

But the times that you do, you both always skirt around the idea of sharing the bed again until you give in because of how tired you are. And every morning you wake up, the two of you are close to each other even though when you fell asleep the night before, you were on your respective sides of the bed. The first few times it happened, neither of you could look at each for a while, but now it's become routine.

It makes Kobori ridiculously happy to see you the moment he opens his eyes. There's been many times when he's woken up before your alarm with you in his arms, and he just takes the time before it goes off to admire you. He scolded himself at first for being weird, but slowly, he pushed those thoughts away. This might be the closest he can get to you without having to worry about what to say, and he'll take whatever he can get.

Since it's the weekend, neither of you are working, and you wanted to go out since you hadn't really been out anywhere recently. You told Kobori that you were planning on going out, and you were surprised when he said that he'd tag along. You just chalked it up to be because he didn't want you driving his car, so you didn't question it any further.

You both woke up late today, so you decided to stop for brunch at that restaurant that you used to go to in college. Being here again with Kobori makes you think about how long you've been living with him. Your apartment was rebuilt months ago, but you never told Kobori, and he never asked you about it. At the time, you felt like there was no reason because you only wanted to be near him. But now, you don't even know how you would bring that up in conversation, so you just leave it alone.

After you've finished eating, you wanted to get some more lotion and candles, so Kobori drives over to the store. Kobori's immediately overwhelmed by the smells the moment you step inside, and you grab a basket as you chuckle at his reaction. "You've never been in here before?" you question as you start to walk around, Kobori following behind you closely as he looks around.

"No, but my mom talks about this place all the time." You start with the lotion, smelling all the new scents that they have along with the body spray. Every time you smell one that you really like, you put it in the basket, and Kobori takes it from you so that you can have your hands free. He follows you around as you smell everything, and you get a point where you know that you have too much.

You have Kobori smell them, and whatever he doesn't really care for, you put back. You head over to the men's section, always wanting to see what new smells they have. Kobori smiles when you smell something that you don't like, shaking your head before putting it back.

"Oh, my God, that smells amazing," you breathe, holding it over to Kobori. He nods as he smells it, agreeing with you before you smell it again, sighing heavily. "Is there anything you wanna get?" you ask him as you put the lotion back. "It's buy three, get three free."

"I'll just get he one that you just had," he answers.

"But you didn't smell any of the other ones," you laugh as you grab the lotion.

"Well, you liked it, so that's enough for me. I don't know if my nose can handle anything else," he responds. You huff as you shake your head, telling him to get anything else that he wants, and you try to not focus on how he gets the same scent twice to balance out the sale.

You make your way over to the candles, and you want him to smell them since you usually light them around the apartment. "You think this would be good for the living room?" you question as you smell it before holding it to him. When you see his nose scrunch a certain way (that definitely doesn't make your heart flutter), you know that he doesn't really care for it, so you put it back.

"You guys are the cutest!" an older woman whispers, and Kobori's too invested in the candles to hear her, and you smile softly as you laugh, thanking her quietly. Your face warms as you turn your attention back to the display, seeing that Kobori's got a candle in his hand, waiting for you to smell it.

You pick out a few before you're finally done, making your way to register. You get all of the coupons that you need to make sure that you'll get the discounts you need, and you count everything to make sure you don't have too many items. The cashier scans everything, commenting on a couple of the scents you got, and they tell you the total while you're talking with them.

You got so caught up that you didn't even get your card out, and as you're trying to do so, Kobori hands over his. "You don't have to do that. I dragged you out here."

"I don't mind," he dismisses gently as he signs his signature on the screen.

"Kobori," you sigh, your voice borderline a whine, and he grabs the bags when the cashier hands them to him. "Okay, we go somewhere you want, and I pay for it," you declare when you get to the car.

"We don't have to do that," he laughs as you both get into the car.

"There has to be somewhere you want to go," you urge. "There isn't anything you're looking to get?"

"I mean, there's a couple of things," he mumbles as he pulls out of the parking lot.

"Then let's go! Go wherever you want, you're driving," you say, and he knows that you won't take no for an answer. He drives to a sporting goods store, mentioning something about wanting to get new shoes, and since you're already out, he'll just look in the store instead of online.

You follow him through the store as he looks for the shoes section, and he gets to the basketball section, looking at all of them as he tries to find a pair that he likes. "What do you need new basketball shoes for?" you question as he grabs a pair.

"We're hosting a charity basketball tournament," he answers as he sits down on one of the benches. "My last pair are definitely not in good shape, so I figured I should get new ones."

"When is all of this happening?"

"In a couple of weeks, so Kise, Moriyama, and I were gonna go to the gym and get some reps in. It's been forever since I've played," he laughs. You know that they continued to play pick-up after they graduated whenever their other teammates were in town, but they hadn't played for a while now.

He goes through a couple of pairs before he finds the ones that he likes, and he grabs the box with the correct size. "Is there anything else you wanna look at?" you ask as you start to walk away. "I don't mind if you want to."

You walk around with him as he looks through the clothes, not too sure if it's something he wants to get, but he just decides to look anyway. He only gets a couple of things, and once he's done, you make your way to the register. "You seriously don't have to do this," he tells you as you insert your card into the reader.

"Yes, I do," you laugh, removing your card after it tells you to. "You paid for my stuff, so now I'm paying for yours." You proudly hand him the bag as you walk out of the store, and he can only smile at you as you make your way through the doors.

There's a gaming store in the strip of buildings, so you offer to go there next. He tries to deny it, but you know he wants to go inside, so you grab his hand to drag him over there. "Come on, Kobori, there has to be something in here that you want," you press softly, not letting go of his hand even when you're already in the store.

Neither of you makes a move to let your hands go, and Kobori takes a deep breath before he laces your fingers together. You don't seem to notice since you're talking about the new games that are out, and if you do, you don't say anything. You follow closely behind as he looks through the store, and you try not to focus all of your attention on how his hand feels against yours.

He ends up picking out a couple of games, and you make sure he doesn't make a move to reach for his wallet so that you can pay. You walk out of the store, satisfied with yourself, and Kobori gives you a fond look as he mindlessly reaches for your hand. He's about to stop himself when his fingers brush against your hand, realizing what he's about to do, but you grab his hand before he can do so.

Kobori's smile widens as you walk to the car, listening to whatever you're saying, and he only lets go of your hand when you get to the car. Kobori doesn't let himself dwell on the fact that he's not holding your hand anymore, keeping his attention on the conversation. You decided that both of you had spent enough money today, so you offer to just cook at home.

"Thank you for buying this stuff, even though you really shouldn't have," he tells you as you walk to his door.

"You're welcome, and of course, I did."

You make something quick, both of you moving to the couch to eat, and in the back of his head, Kobori wishes that your car would take just a little bit longer at the shop. He knows how selfish that sounds, but he's spent way more time with you now than when you moved in. Not having your car just gave him the excuse to do something that he's wanted to do for a while, but he could never get himself to bring it up.

He doesn't know if he'll be able to ask you to hang out like this once your car is fixed, but he's pretty sure you like spending time with him as much as he likes spending time with you. Kise and Moriyama are still in the back of his head, telling him that your feelings are mutual, but you and he have been living together for so long now that it makes him even more anxious to confess.

He doesn't know what he'll do if he ruins what he has with you, and he knows that he'll find himself in the same position he was when you graduated college and he realized he wouldn't be seeing you as much. For now, he just declares that he'll keep his feelings pushed to the side so that he can stay happy right now. He just hopes it doesn't backfire on him any time soon.

~

The charity tournament that Kobori mentioned to you sneaks up on both of you quickly, and Kobori said that you didn't have to be there as early as he did, but you wanted to come with him anyway since he helped you set up and clean up for career day. You have to get there super early, and you momentarily regret saying that you would leave with him when you hear the ring of your alarm.

Kobori's firehouse is playing against other firehouses in the area, and the winner gets to donate the money raised to a charity of their choice. Money is raised in different ways, from confession sales to the raffles that they're hosting, so more than one charity can get donations. You find a seat on the bleachers as the first game starts since Kobori's team plays first.

Watching him play takes you back to when you would go to his games in college and high school. You always enjoyed watching him because he always looked like he was having the time of his life while playing...you also enjoyed watching him because of how good he looked. This time is obviously no different except for the fact that he somehow looks so much better now.

You know he's gotten bigger since you graduated, mostly because of how heavy the firefighter gear can be, but it seems like the jersey he's wearing is too small for him, and you're close to just buying him a whole new wardrobe that doesn't hug his body. Kobori did tell you that the jersey was a little tight, but you weren't expecting it to be like another skin.

Kasamatsu shows up when the game is halfway through, sitting next to you. You're grateful for the distraction as you catch up with him, half of your attention on the game while the other half is on him until it ends. You both meet up with your friends after the game is over as they celebrate their win. Kobori talks to Kasamatsu briefly before he turns his attention to you.

"Congrats on the win! I think you guys might be the best team here," you say, which makes him laugh softly, using his jersey to wipe the sweat from his forehead, and it takes everything in you to not look down.

"Thanks," he sighs. "I'm definitely not used to playing like this anymore, but the shoes feel great," he continues, and you smile up at him.

"Then you can thank me after you win this whole thing," you tease, making him roll his eyes.

Kobori's off for the next game, so he sits on the bleachers with you along with Kasamatsu, Kise, and Moriyama. Once the game is close to finishing, Kobori mentions that he's feeling a little hungry, so you lead him out of the gym into the lobby area where there are tables set up.

You lead him to the one that has a poster with his firehouse on it, and he notices that it's covered in food. "It's a snack table!" you inform him, holding your hands out toward it. "Some of the wives mentioned it to me this morning while you were warming up, so I wanted to contribute too, but if there's nothing here that you want, I can go get you something."

You're looking over the table, waiting for Kobori to say something, but when he doesn't, you look at him to see that he's staring right at you. "What?" you question quietly. "Do you want me to go get you something?"

He's smiling at you, and for a split second, he doesn't say anything until he shakes his head. "No, I'm okay with this. Thank you," he tells you softly.

"Of course! We all want you guys to play your best, so eat up!"

Once he gets what he wants, you walk back into the gym to see that the game is over, and Kobori eats his snacks while the team warms up. You find your spot on the bleachers with Kasamatsu again, cheering once they're about to start the game.

Kobori's team wins the rest of the games, only one of them being pretty close for comfort, and now they have to wait for the bracket play to start. While they're figuring out the brackets, they're given a lunch break, and you had gone out to get Kobori something more filling. He thanks you before he nearly swallows it whole, your eyes widening when you see that he's almost done even though you swore you took your eyes off of him for a few minutes.

You can see that he's getting a bit tired, his body slumping a bit, and you gently guide him to lie down as you chuckle at him. He stretches out on the bleachers, and when he goes to lie down, his head lands on your thigh. "Sorry," he mumbles, getting ready to move down a bit, but you stop him, telling him it's okay.

He's too tired to deny, and he carefully lays his head on your lap as he blinks slowly. He watches you talk to some of the women that you mentioned earlier when you were talking about the snack table, and he fights sleep for a little bit to watch you. He smiles as you engage in the conversation, and all he can think about is how happy he is right now.

When you mentioned the snack table, it seemed like his whole world stopped for a bit, and it made him realize how madly in love with you he is. All he could think about was what it would be like if you were actually together, actually married. You've been there for him for so long, and he never thought he could express how much that really meant to him. You were there to comfort him after every game he lost, and you were there to celebrate every game that he won.

You look down at him, and you smile when you see that he's still awake, but you can barely see his eyes. "Go to sleep, Koji," you order quietly, and his eyes finally slip closed when he feels your fingers gently run over his face. It doesn't take long for him to fall asleep, his body finally relaxing as he succumbs to it, and when he wakes up, it feels like all he had done was blink.

He definitely feels more energized after taking the nap, especially after seeing you when he finally opened his eyes. He sighs softly as he sits up, turning his head from side to side to get rid of the stiffness in his neck. He's going to have a long string of games coming up, so he's mentally preparing himself for that.

He takes one step down from where he was laying when you call his name. He turns around, and since you're standing up, he has to lift his head to look at you. "You're gonna do great! Good luck!" He smiles before he nods, and he makes his way onto the court, your words making him feel more confident.

~

Kobori is absolutely exhausted, but his team managed to win the whole tournament. He has just enough energy left to celebrate and take a couple of pictures, and once that's over, he's grabbing his stuff so that he can take his shoes off. He can hear your voice, and he looks up to see you running over to him. He holds his arms out because he already knows what's coming, and you jump into him to give him a hug.

"You did it! And you played so well!" He doesn't let you go, keeping you in his arms because it's the best feeling in the world right now, and also because he's about two seconds from falling over. "Congratulations!"

"Thank you, but you were the reason I was able to even make it this far," he responds, and you roll your eyes.

"You always say that. You were the one that did all of the playing."

"And I was able to do that because you were supporting me," he counters, and you can't help but laugh as you shake your head.

You let him go so that he can take his shoes off, and while he's doing that, you help with some of the clean up. He's dragging his feet as he walks out of the gym, briefly talking to his teammates as he looks for you. When he finally finds you, you're saying goodbye to your friends, walking away from them when you see Kobori.

He silently follows you out of the building, and he's so glad that you drove today because he doesn't think he'd be able to make it. You only make one stop on the way home, and that's to pick up some food for him to eat, and he's making a b-line for the shower the moment he gets inside.

He slowly fills his stomach when he gets out of the shower, feeling like he could fall asleep any minute now. After he finishes eating, you throw all of the trash away before you drag him into his room. You've barely pulled the sheets back before he's flopping onto the bed, the fatigue really seeming to hit him once he lies down.

You didn't even bother turning the light on since you knew he'd be out in a second, and you pull the covers over him. "Night, Kobori," you whisper, and he responds with a low hum. You turn around to make your leave, already showered and ready to go to sleep yourself, when you feel his hand softly grab your wrist.

"Where are you going?" he mumbles, and you take a step back as you look at him.

"I'm going to sleep," you huff softly, turning around to fully face him.

"Just sleep here. C'mon," he urges, gently pulling you toward the bed. You can't find it in you to fight him and you chuckle quietly as you climb into bed. You barely have the covers over your body before he's pulling you into him, wrapping his arm around your waist. You lay your head on his chest as you yawn, rubbing your hand over his chest. "Night," he murmurs.

"Goodnight, Kobori," you repeat with a smile around your lips, and his even breathing after he falls asleep is what eventually puts you to sleep shortly after.

You wake up to your phone ringing, groaning softly as you roll over to see who's calling you so late in the night. Or early in the morning when you see that's three in the morning, and you're so glad that you don't have to work. It's a number you don't recognize, so you silence your phone before rolling back over.

You're about to drift back off when your phone rings for a second time. You huff loudly as you roll back over, seeing it's the same number calling you, so you pick up, getting ready to give the person on the other line a piece of your mind. "Hello?" you sigh heavily, your voice thick with sleep.

"Am I speaking to y/n?"

"Yes, who is this?" you question as you frown, sitting up.

"I'm calling from the hospital. It's about Kobori, and he listed you as his emergency contact." Your body goes tense at her words, your eyes widening as you quickly throw the covers off of you.

"Oh, my God. Is he okay?" you ask as you frantically look for some clothes to put on, sleep no longer evident in your body.

"Yes. He's doing just fine. We just wanted to let you know." You sigh heavily as you take a moment to take a breath before you make your way to the front door.

"Okay, thank you so much. I'm on my way." You hang up the phone, put your shoes on, and grab your keys before you make your way to your car.

You're anxious the whole drive on the way to the hospital, your fingers gripping the steering wheel so tight, they start to ache a bit. You practically run into the building, finding your way to the front desk. "I'm here to see Kobori," you tell one of the people at the front desk, your chest heaving, and they lead you through the floor with nurses and doctors running around.

They lead you to the room, and you gasp when you see Kobori lying on the hospital bed, way more bruised and battered than when he left the apartment last night. He's sleeping when you walk in, and you quietly make your way into the room, feeling your heart break as you look at him.

"Oh, my God," you whisper softly, looking at the cuts and bruises all over his face and arms. The nurse tells you that the doctor will be back in to check on him within the next hour, and you nod, barely paying any attention to them as you give them a soft thank you.

You grab one of the chairs, pick it up, and carefully place it on the floor near the bed. You sigh as you sit down, and he stirs a bit, blinking before he opens his eyes. He looks around, and he gives you a small smile when he sees you sitting there. "What are you doing here?"

"They called me and told me you were here," you answer, as you lean forward. "What happened?"

He sighs as he shakes his head. "The building I was in suddenly had an explosion, and I was near it when it happened. None of us were expecting it."

"Are you okay?" you ask even though he looks far from it right now.

"I'm just fine. Besides a concussion, a knee sprain, and some nasty cuts and bruises."

Your eyes widen. "You sound far from fine!" you respond lowly before you sigh as you let your head fall.

"Sorry, they woke you up. I didn't know they were gonna call you."

You look up at him as you huff, smiling a bit. "I'm your emergency contact. Of course, they're gonna call me, you doofus," you say lightly, and he smiles widely. "When did you do that anyway?"

"A while ago," he answers. "I figured since we were living together, it would make the most sense, I guess." You don't want to admit how hearing him say that makes your heart race. Even though you're nowhere near dating, just him saying those words enough to make you wish even more that you were. "I'm sorry again that you were woken up."

"Kobori, don't apologize. It's okay. All that matters is that you're okay." You softly place your hand on his, and he quickly turns it over so that he can hold it. "I guess I should do the same," you say. "Right now my parents are listed, but it wouldn't hurt to add you too."

He nods, groaning when he shifts a bit. "Okay, maybe I'm not that fine," he sighs, and you shake your head as you laugh softly.

The doctor comes back a little while later, saying that Kobori's going to have to stay for a few more hours so they can monitor him, and he's given some more medicine before the doctor leaves. "You don't have to stay here. You're probably still tired."

You shake your head. "I don't wanna leave you alone. I'll be fine," you say right before you yawn. "That was really bad timing," you say quickly after, and he huffs a bit. "I probably wouldn't be able to go back to sleep knowing that you're here anyway."

He smiles as he adjusts his head on the pillow. "Alright," he sighs. "Hearing all of the beeping was kinda making my ears ring anyway." The both of you laugh softly, and your hand never lets go of his as you talk.

The doctor comes in a while later to check on him, saying that he should be released soon, and even though Kobori urges you to go, you stay. It's not like you have to go to work today anyway, so you have nothing else to do.

He sleeps for a little bit, and you do the same, but you're in and out of sleep since you can't position yourself comfortably in the chair. You decide to try and get some caffeine in your system, so you find vending machine to see if there's anything that could help. You end up settling for a couple of snacks since you hadn't eaten before walking back to Kobori's room.

"Are you feeling a little bit better?" you ask when you walk back in the room, seeing that he's awake. You sit down in the chair as he sighs.

"Kinda. The medicine is helping," he whispers, and you look over him again as you eat. You try not to let your thoughts derail too bad, refusing to think about what this situation would look like if it was worse. You just focus on the fact that he's okay, and that he didn't get hurt too severely.

"We'll be home before you know it," you tell him warmly, and he gives you a sleepy smile.

When you finish eating, you throw the trash away, and when you try to sit back down, Kobori softly grabs your wrist. "Lay with me," he mumbles when you give him a questioning look.

"Can I?" you ask, wondering if there's even enough room for you to do so.

"You need to sleep to. It'll be fine," he urges, and you don't really have it in you to fight him. You move over to the side of the bed away from his bad knee, sitting down carefully before you lay down. You sigh heavily as you lay on him, this being an immense improvement from the chair.

He wraps his arm around you, and you close your eyes as you feel him rub and down your side softly. Lying with him has become such as routine that you don't even blink at it anymore. It does still make your heart race just a bit because he's someone that you really like, but it doesn't make you nervous anymore.

You peel your eyes open again for a second, and you see that he has his arm resting on his stomach. Before you can even think about it, you reach out to run your fingers across the cuts and bruises that decorate the skin. "Does it hurt?" you ask quietly, and he lifts his hand so that he can lace his fingers with yours.

"Not really. The pain from my head and knee kinda block it out," he answers, your head moving with every word he says.

You bring his hand up so that you can kiss it gently. "I'm glad you're okay, Kobori. Well, kinda?" you add, and you smile when you hear him huff.

"Yeah, me too," he whispers. You both go quiet after a while, and you figure Kobori must've gone back to sleep when you hear him snoring softly. You close your eyes as you fully relax, falling asleep as well.

~

Kobori's released from the hospital a few hours later with some medicine and instructions on how to take care of his wounds. He was offered a wheelchair, but he refused, wanted to use the crutches instead. He tests them out before he leaves, making sure that he's not putting any pressure on his knee, and you walk with him out of the hospital.

He's got a brace on his knee to help, and you move the passenger seat back far enough to where he won't have to bend it. Once he's settled into the car, you put the crutches in the back seat before you get in and drive back home.

You offer to make him something to eat when you get inside, helping him sit down on the couch. You turn on the TV, handing the remote after before making your way to the kitchen. You make some food for yourself as well since you haven't add a proper meal, bringing it into the living room when you're done.

He's still pretty tired after eating, so you help him into bed, making sure he's comfortable before going back to clean the kitchen. You're pretty tired yourself, and you decide that you can put your work off for a little bit longer since it's spring break anyway. When you go back into the room after finishing in the kitchen, you see that Kobori's still awake.

"You're supposed to be sleeping," you scold softly, walking over to the bed.

"You need to sleep too," he responds, making you roll your eyes. You get in the bed on the other side, immediately gravitating to him, and you focus your attention on the TV.

The last thing you remember is looking at the TV, but the next thing you know, the sun is starting to go down. You knew you were tired, but not tired enough to sleep the day away. You stir a bit when you notice that Kobori's chest seems to be rising and falling faster than it should be. You frown as you try to sit up so that you can look at him, but that's when you feel how tight he's holding you.

You move your body so that you can crane your head up to look at him, and you realize that he's dreaming when you're finally able to look at him. It doesn't take you long to figure out that he's having a nightmare, and you try your best to wake him up in the position you're in.

You shake him gently, calling his name, and when it doesn't work, you shake him harder and say his name even louder. When he finally wakes up, he jumps slightly as he gasps, his arm tightening around you even more before he finally relaxes. You can finally move now that he's not holding you so tight, and you instantly sit up, resting your weight on your elbow as you move further up the bed.

"You're okay, Kobori," you console softly, and when you gently touch his face, and you can feel the thin layer of sweat on his skin. "Just breathe." You can feel how his heart is racing when you rub over his chest as he catches his breath, closing his eyes for a split second before he looks at you.

"You're okay?" he asks, and your eyebrows raise for a bit before you face softens.

"Yeah. I'm right here," you answer with a nod. "I'm okay." You rub your thumb over his cheek as his hand comes up to cup your face, his motion following yours. His body relaxes again once it seems like he has confirmation that you're fine, and he looks at the ceiling.

"Sorry."

"Koji, you don't have to apologize," you respond quickly. "All that matters is that you know it wasn't real."

"But it felt so real. I thought--I thought I lost you. I couldn't save you," he rushes out, and your heart hurts listening to him.

You guide him to look at you. "You'll never lose me, Koji. I'm not going anywhere, okay?" He looks over your face for a while before he nods, and you kiss him on the forehead. "How about you hop in the shower? That might help," you offer, and he nods but he doesn't move.

"Yeah," he says. I just want to stay like this for a bit."

"That's okay." You let your head rest next to his, rubbing over his chest until his heart rate starts to become even. When he starts to move, you take that as a sign that he's ready to get up, so you move so that he can.

You grab his crutches, helping him to the bathroom, and you grab a stool from the island to put in the tub so that he doesn't have to stand the whole time. You leave so that he can undress, and you hover in the hallway just to make sure that he doesn't fall or hurt himself. When it sounds like everything's okay, you start to think about dinner as you make your way into the kitchen, keeping your ear tuned in the direction of the bathroom.

You start cooking, hearing the shower turn off a while after, and you hear him walk into the bedroom. You finish prepping, and you slide the dish in the oven before you make your way over to the door. You knock softly, waiting until he gives you the okay to come in.

When you softly push the door open and walk inside, he's sitting on the bed in some shorts, and your steps falter when you see that he has bruises on his chest as well. You try not to look at them, but it's hard for you not to. "Do you feel better?"

"Yeah. My head's a little clearer," he answers.

"That's good. Dinner's in the oven, so it'll be ready in a few." He nods, but doesn't say anything, and you can tell that the dream is still bothering him. You offer to help with his bandages, and the two of you stay silent as you do. You help him prop the pillows up against the headboard so he can rest against them, and you gently rub the cream into his knee, careful to not cause him any pain.

You wash your hands before checking on the food, making sure it's cooked through before you take it out of the oven. You're closing the oven door when you hear something behind you, and you look over to see Kobori walking in. You plate food, setting it in front of him when he sits down at the island before you make yourself a plate.

"Thank you," he says suddenly before you can sit down.

"It's nothing," you laugh. "I do this all the time," you respond as you take a seat.

"No, I mean. Thank you for helping me out," he clarifies.

"Of course. You've helped me out in more ways than one, and I'm just trying to do the same for you."

There's so much more he wants to say, but he decides to just eat instead. He doesn't know if he'd be able to handle his injuries and the mental toll if you weren't here. Finding out that he wouldn't be able to move like he wants to for a while was enough of a damper on his mood, and he knows that seeing his injuries every day would just fuel the fire.

With you being here, it doesn't seem as bad as he thinks it is. Having someone else in the apartment allows him to take his mind off of it even if it's for a split second. He's looking at you while you're talking, but he's only half-listening because he's thinking about how much you're making his situation so much better. He's nodding every now and then to show you that he's hearing you, and he tries to tell himself to pay more attention, but he can't.

He almost lets his feelings slip out as he listens you, and he barely catches himself. You've stopped talking, but you notice that he's still smiling at you. "What?" you question playfully, returning the smile.

"Nothing," he answers lightly with a shake of his head. "I just really appreciate you being here right now."

"You already said that," you laugh.

"Yeah, but I feel like I can't show you how much it means to me," he starts. "Just--Just having you here is making all of this a lot easier."

You grab his hand. "You're welcome, Kobori. You'll bounce back in no time, I know it." And those words are what keeps him from giving up and letting everything consume him.

Recovery has been going really well for Kobori, and now that the pain is starting to subside a bit, he can go to physical therapy to get his strength back. He's practically itching to get moving again and go back to work even though it really wears him out sometimes. He's been trying to stay active by working out around the house without doing too much with his lower body, but that can only go so far.

Kobori knows that the only reason he's made it this far without going insane is you, and he doesn't even know how he can thank you for that. You've been keeping him from getting down on himself whenever the pain comes back for a little while when he wakes up, and he swears that your words alone make the pain subside. But he's starting to have a little problem.

For a while, he's been noticing how much comfortable you're getting around the house, and he's really happy about that. You've been living here for so long, and it makes him glad that you feel relaxed enough at his place; he wouldn't want it any other way.

He's blaming it on the weather, but you've started showing more skin than before, and he honestly doesn't know how much longer he can handle it. He mentally scolds himself because he knows you're not doing it on purpose, and he wishes he wouldn't let his thoughts run into the gutter, but he can't help it.

Since he hasn't been going to work, he's always up during the day, and he's usually sitting on the couch when you come home from work. He always asks how your day is, and whenever you mention that it was a little rough, he always offers to cook dinner instead. He honestly feels bad when you cook dinner after you come home from work, but you always tell him that you don't mind.

You usually don't eat for a couple of hours after you get off work anyway, so you have plenty of time to decompress before you start cooking. He's started moving to sit at the island when you tell him that dinner's almost done, and he doesn't think he'd be able to admit the reason why. Before, he's always waited until you told him it was ready, but he's found that he enjoys watching you while you cook.

It sounds weird, and you haven't called him out on it, but it makes him smile when he sees how at ease you are especially if you've had a rough day. That's the reason why he does it. He definitely doesn't stare at your ass whenever you're checking the food in the oven, and he definitely doesn't stare when you reach for something on the top shelf, and your shirt rides up, giving a better view of your backside. That's definitely not the reason.

When he catches himself doing that, he flushes as he focuses his eyes on something else, shaking his head as he scolds himself for being a pervert. He tells himself to stop, that he shouldn't do it anymore, but you never make it any easier for him.

When your alarm goes off in the morning, it usually wakes him up, so you try to best to turn it off as quickly as you can. Once you're awake enough, you get out of bed to go to the bathroom, and by the time you come back, Kobori's usually fallen back asleep.

Kobori's just barely asleep when he hears you enter the room again, but he barely stirs since you're careful to not make any noise. He's still sleeping on his back since he doesn't want to risk hurting his knee by trying to move, and he rolls his head to the side as he hears you opening drawers and he barely opens his eyes to see you looking through them.

You find the shirt you're looking for, and before he can close his eyes as he tells himself that this is totally a complete invasion of privacy, you slide your tank top off. Your back is facing him, but even through the slits of his eyelids, he knows that your top half is now exposed. He feels himself growing warm all over as you put your bra on before you slide your shirt on.

He lets his eyes fall closed right before you turn around, and he can hear you walk toward the closet. Even though the voice in his head tells him not to, he opens his eyes again to see you sliding some jeans on, and he doesn't know if he can look anywhere else. He tries his best to think of anything that would turn him off as he closes his eyes again, and he prays that you don't spare him another glance when you walk out of the room.

He sighs heavily before he opens his eyes because all he can see now is you. He can feel himself growing, and he bunches the blanket up to try and make it look less obvious how hard he's starting to get. He nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears you walk in, turning his head to look at you like he just caught got doing something he shouldn't be doing.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" you ask quietly, and he shakes his head, hoping that you can't see how red he is.

"No, you're all good." Thankfully he yawns, and he smiles when you tell him goodbye, telling you to have a good day in reply before he watches you walk back out again. He sighs again when he hears the front door close, and he knows that he'll have trouble going back to sleep.

It doesn't seem to get any better for him, and he feels like he might go crazy. One morning, he woke up just before your alarm, finding himself staring at your sleeping face before it goes off. He watches you frown in your sleep before you start to wake up, slowly sitting up to turn it off.

Instead of getting up though, you lay back down on him, tucking your face in his neck. He chuckles softly as he wraps his arm around you, but after a few minutes, you're still not moving. "Hey, you have to get up," he whispers softly, rubbing over your shoulder.

"Don't wanna," you mumble, your words muffled by his neck. You groan again as you slowly move, wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep. Kobori did find the situation amusing, but your chest mushed against his, he can feel how your boobs are pressed against him, and he no longer finds anything about this funny.

You finally sit up, huffing as you do so, and you rest your weight on your hand as you extend your arm, and Kobori wishes he could find a quick way out of this situation. Even though you've sat up, you don't move for a bit, your eyes still closed, and Kobori takes the opportunity to look at your chest. Your tits are right in his face, and he really hopes you don't catch him staring because it would be practically impossible for him not to.

His eyes snap to yours just in time once you move, and he subtly adjusts the blanket over his leg, hoping you can't see his hard-on. You eventually get out of bed, making your way to the bathroom, and he doesn't know how much longer he can take this. Of course, he's helped himself out before, but all the times he's done it, you've been on his mind every time. And then he can't even look at you after he does it, and now that he's home more, he definitely won't be able to even talk to you.

The final nail in the coffin makes him feel the worst because you're just helping him, and your intentions are completely genuine. You always offer to help rub the cream on his knee which is supposed to help with the pain, and even though he's feeling better, he knows that he should still apply it. It was a little much for him at first because there was still a decent amount of pain, so that was the only thing he was focusing on.

But now that the pain isn't plaguing his mind, he can only focus on how your hands feel. You've done this so many times that your attention is always on something else like the TV, always staying aware of how much pressure you're putting on his knee. He tries to focus on anything else, but it's hard not to since he doesn't really have anything else to do. He could distract himself with his phone, but the only that would do is put his eyes somewhere else.

You massage his knee for a bit, and he jumps against his will when he feels your hands slide up higher on his thigh. "Did I hurt you?" you question quickly, and he shakes his head, giving you a small smile.

"No, I just caught a chill," he lies, and you don't seem to see through it, going back to his leg. He tries to sigh quietly, and that's when he realizes how tense he is, but he doesn't think he can relax even if he wanted to. He knows you're doing it to help with the blood circulation, but it seems like it's only making the blood flow in the completely wrong way.

It usually doesn't take long for you to do this, but it honestly feels like time has slowed down terribly. One of his hands balls into a fist as he tries to think about how horribly embarrassing it would be if you caught him hard while all you're doing is helping it.

You're finally done, going to put the medicine in the bathroom, and his body finally relaxes, some of his muscles aching a bit from how tense he was. He's quick to throw the blanket over his legs before you come back, and all he can do is pray that he'll get himself together. He doesn't want to put you in such an awkward situation, and he scolds himself in his head.

~

Kobori's in his room while you're making dinner so he can take his medicine, and you're smiling softly when you think about how happy he seems now that he can move more than he could before. It was definitely hard to see him so down, and you tried everything you could to keep his mind off of it.

You're finishing up with lunch, and you jump when you hear Kobori swear loudly. The food is forgotten as you run into his room, seeing him still sitting on the bed with his head down. "Are you okay?" you ask softly as you quickly walk over to him, sitting down next to him.

"No," he answers, sighing heavily. You don't say anything for a while, and you see how his hands are balled into fists, so you grab one of his hands. He easily opens it, and you lace your fingers with his, his body relaxing slightly.

"I just feel so helpless," he starts, keeping his head down. "I can't move like I want to, and it feels like every time I'm getting better, the pain comes back."

You don't respond, looking for the right thing to say, and you lay your head on his shoulder. "Well, you help people, Kobori, so it's normal to feel like this," you say. "You save people every day. You saved me," you add, smiling a little when you feel him huff.

You lift your head, softly guiding him to look at you with your hand on his face. "But, to help people, you have to help yourself first. You can't do your best if you're not at your best." He's looking at you so intently, that you have half a mind to just run away, but you push through it. "I know it may seem like your recovery is taking forever, but you have to let yourself heal."

He smiles at you before he lets his head rest on yours. "You'll be okay, Koji. I'm not going anywhere," you whisper.

"Thank you," he says softly, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand.

"Of course." You sit there quietly, letting the silence take over for a bit. "You okay?"

He nods a little. "Yeah. But we can stay like this for a few?"

You chuckle a little before you nod. "Yeah. We can stay for as long as you like."

You finally feel his body fully relax, and you smile softly, glad that your words seemed to help. You don't how long you both sit there, but his stomach eventually grumbles which makes the both of you laugh quietly.

"Do you want me to bring your food in here?" you ask, keeping your head on his.

"Nah, I'll make it out there."

You finally pull away, realizing you're having a very hard time doing so, and you smile widely when his eyes finally open to meet yours.  You kiss his forehead softly, rubbing your thumb over his cheek. "You're gonna be okay, Koji," you echo, giving his hand a squeeze before you stand, holding his hand until you're out of reach.

You walk out of the room, hearing his footsteps a little bit later. He's silent for most of the time that you eat, only listening to you, occasionally responding with hums to let you know that he's listening. You don't really blame him since he doesn't have much to talk about anyway. Even though he hasn't been to work, you've been trying to get him out of the apartment more since he's able to move a bit more.

You thought that the fresh air would be a good distraction, and you know that him staying inside all the time wouldn't help. He'll sometimes mention something that his co-workers said, who have been checking in on him every now and then. You know it also helped when Kise and Moriyama would visit, and you want to try your best to not let the pain get him down.

After eating, you let him get in the shower first while you clean up the kitchen, and you do so after. Kobori's sitting on the bed, and he lifts his head up when he hears the door open a bit, but he doesn't hear your footsteps. You're peeking your head in so that he can't see your body, and an amused frown finds its way on his face.

"I wanna show you something, so you have to close your eyes," you tell him, and he smiles before he does so. He listens to you walk closer to him, and he feels the bed move as you carefully climb on it. He tenses a bit when he feels you against his back before he relaxes, and he can feel your head next to his. "Okay, open your eyes."

He peels his eyes open, and since your arms are out in front of him, they immediately fall on what's in your hands. "What's this?" he asks, taking the tiny stuffed bear from you.

"It's from my student that you were with on career day," you answer, letting your arms fall before you wrap them gently around him. "She was gonna get you some candy too, but she didn't know what you liked," you chuckle, which makes him smile as he rubs his finger over the face. "She said it's for whenever you get scared, and she wanted to thank you again for being with her that day."

He stays quiet, huffing softly as he smiles, and he feels your chin carefully rest on his shoulder. "Koji, you helped her out without having to go into a fire or any high-intense situation," you start, and he turns his head to look at you. "Being there with her was all she needed," you say. "You are far from helpless. You helped me when I needed it most, and you didn't have to do a lot of moving for that. This gift is one of the many reasons why you shouldn't feel like this.

"I get that you're frustrated about not being able to move like you want to, I'm not invalidating that at all," you continue. "But I don't want you to think that not being able to move is why you can't help people. You do that all on your own with your heart."

Kobori never looks away from you, holding onto every word you're saying, and he doesn't think he's ever been speechless. You kiss him on his temple, before wrapping your arms a little tighter around him. "You are a great person, Koji. And I don't want you to forget that."

He has so many things running through his head that he feels like he has to do something, and he definitely doesn't think twice before moving forward to kiss you. He knows he took you by surprise, and once he finally realizes what he's doing, he pulls away, his eyes wide mostly because he cannot believe he just did that.

"I-I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me." He starts to panic as his body goes warm with embarrassment, and if his knee was fully recovered, he would be out of this room in a second. He's rambling to try and figure out anything to say, and you smile before you place your hand on his face, which gets him to finally stop talking.

"Koji, it's okay," you say, and he swallows thickly, looking in between your eyes. You lean in again, kissing him softer than he did before, and it doesn't take him long to kiss you back.

He briefly wonders if he fell asleep because he thinks he's dreaming. He's dreamed about this moment for so long that he can't be too sure if it's real. He moves one of his hands to touch your face, and when you pull away for a second, he realizes that he hasn't been breathing.

He catches his breath right before you move back in, and he carefully sets the bear down before he turns his body a bit, the previous angle putting a strain on his neck. The positions you're both in aren't the most comfortable, so he turns even more, making sure he keeps his leg still before he gently puts his hands on your waist.

He pulls you softly closer to him, and you move with him until you're straddling his lap. The last thing he wants to do right now is stop kissing you, and he wraps his arms around your waist as yours wrap around his neck. He hesitates a bit when he feels your tongue gently brush over his lip, but he shortly lets you in after, all of the blood rushing to his lower half when he feels your tongue mold with his.

He shudders when he feels your hands run down his chest, and he lets his hands run under your tank top. Just feeling your bare skin after being millimeters from it has his head spinning, and he moans loudly in surprise when you start to roll your hips against him. You don't stop, and he has to pull away from you as his breathing starts to pick up, his face feeling ridiculously hot as he digs his fingers into your hips.

"F-Fuck," he stutters, his eyes falling closed, and he bucks his hips up into you as he feels his orgasm building. "God, I love you," he sighs, and it takes him way too long to realize what he said, but when his words hang in the air, he opens his eyes when it finally hits him. "I didn't mean--" He tries to explain himself, but he finds it virtually impossible, and he looks at you when you bring your hands to his face.

"I love you, too, Koji," you whisper, and his eyes roll into the back of his head as he cums, groaning as he rolls your hips against him to ride out the high. He falls back against the bed with a heavy sigh as he starts to come down, and he covers his eyes with his hands. "Shit," he breathes, having a hard time looking you in the eyes.

He twitches a bit when he feels you shift a bit, and he feels you lean down until your chest is flush with his. "You okay?" you ask him softly, and he nods, not moving his hands. You gently grab his hands, and he lets you move them away, and it takes him a while to open his eyes. He finally does, seeing that your face is right in front of his.

"Just kinda embarrassed," he admits, breaking the eye contact for a split second. You respond with a soft smile as you slightly tilt your head a bit to the side.

"About what? Finishing so fast?" you muse, and he flushes as he shrugs.

"I've never...I've never done anything like that before," he whispers.

"Seriously?" you ask, your eyebrows raised in what he thinks is surprise.

He nods. "Is that...weird?" He can't help but ask.

"Of course, not," you say with a shake of your head. "You're just a great guy, so I'm surprised no one's bagged you yet," you continue with a smile.

He can't help but copy it. "Dating was kind of hard because...they weren't you," he replies, his voice getting quieter as he finishes, his face growing warm again at his words. Your eyes soften at his words, and you kiss him again.

"I love you, Koji," you whisper, and he doesn't think he'll be able to stop smiling as his heart continues to race. He doesn't think he'll be able to express how good that makes him feel when he hears those words. Something he's always thought about hearing for years, and he hopes that he's not even close to dreaming.

He kisses you again, letting his hands drift under your shirt again, softly rubbing his hands over your back as he tries to lock in every feeling of you against him in his brain. It takes him some courage, but he finally manages to slide his hands to your ass, and the moment he does, you start to roll your hips against him again.

He gasps quietly into the kiss, feeling himself getting hard again before he hesitantly stops you, placing his hands on your hips. "Wait," he breathes, his chest heaving again. "W-What about you?"

"What about me?" you smile, huffing a little when you feel his fingers did into your hips a little more when you move them again.

"I want you to feel good, too," he admits quietly, and your smile widens a bit as you sit yourself up.

"Yeah?" you muse. "And how do you wanna do that?" He flushes down to his chest as he looks away from your gaze for a second before he looks at you again.

"Can I show you?" he mumbles because he knows there's no way he'd be able to voice it out loud. You grin at him as you move off of him onto the bed, carefully stripping your clothes off and letting them fall to the floor before you rest your weight on your hands.

"Go ahead," you press playfully, and Kobori can only stare at you, his eyes running over your body so many times that you lose count. "Koji," you say firmly when he hasn't said anything in a while, and his eyes snap to yours but he still doesn't move.

"S-Sorry, um," he stutters. He tries to speak again, but it's like he can't get the words out, and he goes quiet when you move towards him. "S-Should I--"

"Koji." You cut him off gently, sitting up before you slide closer to him. "You don't have to be so nervous. If you don't wanna do this, we don't have to," you reassure.

"No, no, I want to," he responds quickly. "I'm just nervous," he continues, and why wouldn't he be? The girl of his dream his sitting naked in front of him, and he can barely move an inch even though he's hard as a rock.

"Do you want to keep going?"

"Yeah," he whispers with a quick nod. "I'm sure." You nod, giving him a small smile before you lean in, kissing him softly. You rest your hands on his neck gently, and you can feel him relax a bit under them. You slowly start to move one hand, and he tenses a bit when you run your hand down his chest.

"Do you wanna take this off?" you whisper after you pull away slightly, gently gripping the hem of his shirt. He looks down at where you're holding his shirt before he looks at you, a small nod following after.

He moves before you say anything else, sliding his shirt off and setting the bunched up fabric to the side. You can't help but stare at him, finally allowing yourself to do so. You've seen him shirtless before, of course, but you never let yourself look at him because you thought you were being weird. But now that you know the feelings mutual, you look at him for as long as you can.

"Should I take these off too?" you hear, and you begrudgingly peel your eyes away from his ridiculously defined torso to look at his eyes. He's got his hands on his shorts, and you give him a small shrug.

"If you want to," you huff softly, giving him a reassuring smile. He nods again, pushing his thumbs past his waistband before he stops. There's really no reason for him to be embarrassed, especially since his hard-on is so obvious in his shorts, but taking them off seems to be another thing he has to try and get over.

But he would like to get the rest of his clothes off since his boxers are sticky from his first orgasm. "Do you want me to look away?" you ask quietly, jumping him out of his momentary time in his head.

"No, no, it's okay," he responds, and he internally takes a deep breath before he sheds the rest of his clothes. He's looking somewhere else in the room when they finally reach his feet, having a hard time making eye contact with you.

He finally looks at you, and he flushes even more when he sees that you're not looking at his face. He has half a mind to cover himself, but his dick twitches as you look at him. He's about to try to find anything to say, but you move before he can. You grab his hands, pulling them toward you, causing him to take a couple of half-steps towards you.

His fingers tense around yours when he sees how close your face is to his dick, and he swears the spit he swallows his audible in the room. "You're so big, Koji," you whisper, your eyes never meeting his.

"I-Is that--" He's cut off when you gently wrap your fingers around him, and his body jolts at the stimulation. "Is that a bad thing?" he rushes out, trying to concentrate on his breathing.

"No," you answer quietly as you smile up at him. He can't help but watch in awe as you take the tip into your mouth, and he releases a stuttering breath, feeling his toes curl. You swirl your tongue around it before you take him into your mouth, and he knows that if he doesn't stop (not that he wants to), he'll cum in a second.

"W-Wait," he tries, gently putting his hand on your head, but all you do is look up at him, continuing to bob your head up and down slowly. "But--you," he huffs out, his eyes slipping closed as he lets his head fall back.

"What about me?" you find yourself asking again as you stroke him, moving your attention to his sac, sucking on it gently knowing that he wasn't going to answer your question. He swears as you feel his dick kick against your hand, signaling that he's close, and you make no move to stop.

His grip on your hair tightens just a little bit as you put him back in your mouth, and his chest heaves as his body starts to tense little by little. You run your nails gently up his stomach, and he shivers right before he cums, a loud groan coming from deep in his chest before you feel him spill onto your tongue.

You take him even deeper to swallow it all, and his legs shake as he plants his hand on your head to keep himself from falling. You finally take him out of your mouth when there's nothing left for him to give you, wiping the corners of your mouth as you sit up straight.

When you look up at him, he's still got his head back, and he's breathing so hard, that his body slumps a bit every time he exhales. He finally looks at you, and his face is ridiculously red, to the point where you briefly worry if he's gonna pass out.

"How was that?" you ask playfully, and all Kobori can do it nod, giving you a loopy smile. You grab his hand again, moving further onto the bed, pulling him with you. He follows you with shaky legs before getting on the bed, making sure to keep the majority of his weight off of his knee.

He lays down, pulling you with him, and when you straddle him, he kisses you without giving you much time to think about what to do next. You notice that he seems to be a lot more relaxed, his hands running over every part of your body as he practically melts into the bed.

"You okay?" you whisper when you pull away, and he nods his head slowly, his eyes drooping closed before he quickly opens them again.

"I still wanna make you feel good," he mumbles before he gently moves you so that you're on your back on the bed, and he moves to lay on his side, hovering in your space. He moves his face into your neck and goosebumps rise on your skin when you feel his lips kissing over it.

"No one's stopping you," you say quietly, but you don't really think he hears you because you feel his hand drift down your torso at the same time he drifts his head down to your chest. You moan softly when he runs his lips over your nipple, making his dick twitch before he encases it with his mouth.

He rubs over your thigh as he keeps his attention on your chest for a bit before he carefully drifts his hand in between your legs, and he can feel himself start to get nervous. He's seen porn before and been forced to Moriyama and Kise talking about their sex stories while drunk, so he knows a little bit about what to do.

He takes his mouth from your chest so that he can look as he runs his fingers through your folds, suppressing a groan when he sees how wet you are already. He runs one finger up until he finds your clit, looking back at you when he rubs over it.

He keeps his eyes on you, taking in every sound you're making and every shift of your facial expressions. He starts to feel a little more confident the louder your moans get when he continues to rub his finger over your sensitive bud, and he decides to move down. It doesn't take long for him to find what he's looking for, his fingers becoming even wetter when he reaches your hole.

You spread your legs as he circles a finger at your entrance, and he slowly slides one in, keeping his eye on your face for any sign that he might be hurting you. You take his finger so much easier than he thought, and his body goes hot at how warm and tight you are. The more he explores your walls, the more he wants to speed up, and it seems you want him to do the same as well, gently pleading with him to add another finger.

He easily obliges, making sure to stretch your walls out by spreading his fingers. He pushes futher into you, and he looks at your face when you jump at a particular stroke of his fingers. He goes in even deeper, continuing the same motion as before, his palm rubbing against your clit, and he watches you with his mouth slightly open as you grind against his fingers.

He doesn't dare to stop what he's doing, only going faster so that he can see how many sounds and faces he can pull from you. You grab his wrist as your moans get louder, and he watches your back arch off the bed for a second as your legs start to move more than before.

He groans softly when you start and continue to moan his name, your eyes slipping closed. He notices that it's getting more difficult for him to push his fingers back into you, so he thrusts them into you with firmer strokes, which only makes the noises you're making louder.

"K-Koji," you cry, your face scrunching up in a way that he knows is going to plant itself in his dreams for the rest of his life. "I'm gonna--fuck!" you groan, your legs suddenly clamping around his arm as your nails dig into the sheets next to you.

Your pussy is practically trying to push him out now as he feels more slick coating his hand, but he doesn't stop, following you when you try to move away from him. He only stops when you tap at his arm quickly, and he withdraws his fingers as your body finally relaxes, your chest heaving. He can't help but watch the way your tits rise and fall.

"Jesus Christ, Kobori," you huff as you let your body go limp.

"Are you okay?" he asks, and you give him a loopy nod as you smile.

"Yeah, best orgasm I've ever had."

"You came?" he asks, his eyebrows raising as he face turns a deeper red.

"You couldn't tell?" He shakes his head before he glances down between your legs, seeing your cum coating the inside of your thighs and his fingers. He must've missed that because he was so focused on your face and the noises you were making.

He suddenly brings his fingers up to his face, watching them glisten when they catch the light just right. "You wanna taste it?" He can't look at you as he says the answer in his head, and he doesn't give himself any more time to second guess himself before he slides his fingers into his mouth.

He can feel himself practically drooling when your taste hits his tongue, and he decides that he would do just about anything to taste you again. He makes sure he gets every inch of his fingers until he can't taste you anymore.

"You're still hard," he barely hears, and he's sliding his fingers out of his mouth when you straddle him, hovering over him with your hands gently resting on his chest. "You wanna keep going?"

"I-I..." he starts, his eyes trained on your body as he gets lost in it again. "I don't have any condoms."

"Neither do I," you say, your eyes never leaving his face. "But it's okay," you add, gently grabbing him in your hand as you line yourself up.

"A-Are you sure?" he mumbles as his hands tighten on your hips.

"We don't have to unless you want to," you tell him. "But, I wouldn't imagine you'd wanna run to the store hard as a rock to go get some."

Yeah, that would be way less than ideal, and when he slightly tugs you closer to him, you take that as a sign to sink down on him. Your mouth falls slowly open at the stretch, and Kobori whimpers as he feels your warm walls surround him.

He tries to think about anything that won't make him bust as you continue to sit down, and he screws his eyes shut as he tries to focus. When he finally feels you fully around him, it takes him a while to open his eyes. His chest is heaving again, and he's flushed all the way down to his chest.

"You okay, Koji?" he hears you ask, and at first, all he can do is nod. He manages to open his eyes, meeting yours, but he can't help but let them run down your body, stopping where your bodies are meeting, and he has to close his eyes again.

"You just feel really good," he whispers, his fingers digging into your skin so hard, that he's worried he'll bruise you, but he's afraid that if he lets go, he'll cum in an instant. He jumps a bit when he feels your hands running over his chest, feeling your walls pulse around him, causing him to buck up into you against his will.

He hears you moan softly at the motion, and he tries to apologize, but the words get stuck in his throat. He feels you start to move, the motion more frequent and fluid, and the only thing that vibrates in his throat is a moan.

He's sweating so bad, that he can feel it dripping down his forehead and onto the pillow below his head, and he finally peels his eyes open, the pleasure mounting in his spine. He's not going to last long at all. "S-Shit, 'm gonna cum--f-fuck," he breathes, watching where he's disappearing into you.

He watches you smile as you make no move to stop, and he's frozen beneath you, unable to do anything but watch you as he falls over that crest. He hands dig almost painfully into your hips as he cums, holding you down so that you can take all of him as his dick twitches inside you with every spurt of cum that he shoots into you.

You try your best to roll your hips to help him ride out his high, planting your chest tight to his as you hover over his face. His eyes had closed as he came, his ragged breathing the loudest thing in the room as he waits for his heartbeat to leave his ears.

"You okay?" you ask him, and he nods quickly as you plant soft kisses over his face. He quickly turns his head so that he can meet your lips, sliding his tongue lazily into your mouth as his hands rub over your body.

He doesn't say anything, continuing to kiss you sloppily. The surprised mewl you release when he bucks up into you is muffled by his lips, and you think it was an accident until he does it again. "Koji, wait," you try, your hands running into his hair and gently pulling on the strands.

"Want you to cum too, sweetheart. P-Please," he whispers into your skin. He's got his arms wrapped around you, locking you against him as he thrusts into you so hard, you start to see starts. Your moans jump up in pitch when he finds your sweet spot, and he makes it his mission to hit it every time.

The more your walls pulls around him, the more crazy it feels like he's getting. He bites and sucks all over your skin, trying to find an outlet as he slides one of his hands between your sweaty bodies to find your clit. He groans when you pull harder on his hair, and he starts to feel your wals tightening around him like they did before, and there's nothing that can stop him now.

He can't do anything else other than moan, an occassional whimper coming from him as his eyes roll to the back of his head. "O-Oh, my God," you gasp, any words you're able to make being chopped up by his thrusts. You can't even speak, not able to warn him when you finally cum with your name on his lips, and he bites down on your shoulder with a groan as he feels your walls practically holding him hostage.

His hips stutter with his release, and he's holding onto you so tight, like you're going to fadee away any second now. Your toes curl with oversensitivity as he continues to move inside of you until he slows, his arms dropping from your body and onto the bed with a soft thud.

Both of you are silent as you catch your breath, and your body slowly starts to go limp, your pussy pulsing in all the right ways. "Holy shit, Koji," you huff, those words said after a few beats of silence.

"Are you okay?" he whispers, and you look at him, seeing his eyelids halfway open. "I wasn't too rough?"

"No," you say, managing to shake your head. "That was so good," you smile, and he mimics it, slightly lifting his head up, and you meet him halfway so you can kiss him. "I love you, Koji," you whisper.

He hums. "I love you too," he responds, snuggling into your neck. He continues to plant kisses all over your skin, his hands never leaving your body. You notice that his ministrations start to slow, but you don't move, knowing that he's probably on his way out. Hell, you are too.

"Love you, baby," he slurs quietly, and a wide smile appears on your face as you whisper it back.